Us Against The World
by houseelf07
Summary: They both kept staring at each other's eyes, and Harry knew he had found something there, in those deep honey brown eyes, that he would not be that happy in seeing her with Ron, that he could not be happy for her and Ron..."
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

He kept turning his body right and left, clearly was not able to sleep even if he forced himself to. It was obviously after midnight and yet he could not rest his brain even if his arched body yelled at him to. His body somehow felt so exhausted even though he did not know why. How could he be so exhausted when he spent all day just sat back on his cozy bed staring at his marauder's map trying for a distraction from his anger and enjoyed the not-much meal offered by his guilty best friend???

Harry sighed. He should not have ignored her like this. How could he? It was not her fault at all and yet he kept being so stubborn ignoring her, wanting to throw away his anger for his stupidity to her. She had sacrificed everything she had for him. Her parents, her seventh year, her future, her life and -something bothering his mind so much how she could do it- Ron.

He turned to right again. His bed squeaked a bit under his sudden movement. He would not be there breathing properly if it was not Hermione saving both their lives from Voldemort and Nagini just several feet away from them. It was a miracle he was still able to wake up after that bloody fierce pain he felt in his scar when he felt he and Hermione fell from the roof of Bathilda's house. He had been so sure he would die, being once more united with his parents, Sirius and Dumbledore. And yet when he opened his eyes on that morning, a bushy haired girl was staring back at him with puffy concerned eyes, clearly having just finished crying for Merlin knew why.

He grabbed his watch from the desk near him, a beautiful gift from Mrs Weasley which felt like years ago had been given to him. 12.45 AM. He sighed, then put it back on the table and laid on his back, staring the tent's ceiling which was moved slightly due to the wind outside.

He did not know how he knew it, but his ears told something was missing. He tried so hard to reckon what it was when suddenly the answer hit him: Hermione's muffled sobs. He turned his head to look at her usual place when she thought he was not paying attention to her silent cries every night. She was not there. Nor in any spots he thought she would likely be when he suddenly realized that she had to be outside for her watch time.

He stared at the now half-opened zipper in the distance. It was obvious that the temperature outside could be such a cruel killer and Harry suddenly pulled his body into a sitting position, a new realization hit him.

'_It is no way will I let her on her watch outside in a temperature like this! How long has she been there anyway? How bloody ignorant best friend could I be sometimes?!! Damn Potter she's the only one left for you here faithfully always been standing by you and has bloody saved you from bloody Voldemort who had almost rip your bloody head off and what you could do in showing your grateful is just making her your house-elf treating you like her master with your meals all day long and being completely angry with her just because she chose to save your life than to save your bloody wand??? Is that what you called a proper best friend would always do to her?? Sweet Merlin...You could be much denser than Ron sometimes!' _Harry made a mental note in his mind realizing his cruel attitude to his best friend all day long.

He rose from his bed and put his glasses and jacket on before stepping to the opening, ready to make a proper sincere apologize to her. He walked quietly to the zipper before pulling it down only to be greeted by the cruel crushing-cold-wind outside. He shivered a bit and closed his eyes from soft snows that flew to his direction. After taking a deep breath and preparing himself for searching any sign of what she was doing, he put his arm down and there she was, laid on her back against the soft material of tent was Hermione, clearly falling asleep and so exhausted: Wand was loose in what had to be death grip before, still emanating silver light from her 'lumos' earlier on The Beedle Book put on her right. Her head turned to Harry and he could not resist a soft smile on his lips just to find out this view.

He was not surprised at all how Ron could be in love with her. The light emanated from her wand lightened her face, showing a beautiful familiar face that had grown up with him for the past six and a half years. Any man falling for her was not stupid at all in his taste. She was very bright and beautiful and very caring and he should thank Merlin for he had already had and hopefully would always have her as his companion faithful best friend anyone hoped to have.

Harry took a step closer to her and sat down right next to her, intently paying attention to her current sleeping state. He realized she shivered a bit and her skin had turned pale due to the cold wind there. He decided to put off his jacket and covered it around her body. He knew it would not help much but at least her skin was protected from being touched directly by the stinging ice wind. At least he was still in his own warm sweater.

She shifted a little in her sleep but showing no sign of recognizing his presence there. Harry was satisfied with that because waking Hermione up from her peaceful sleep would be the last thing he wanted right now. He continued staring at her figure intently. She seemed so peaceful in her sleep that he for a second forgot that they were actually in a big war.

Harry sighed. _I shouldn't have brought her here with me. She was supposed to finish her seventh year and make up for her future, _he said sadly in his mind.

_But is leaving her behind might be better for her? She had accidentally, stubbornly link her life-her future to you, Potter. As a matter of fact, she was much safer here with you, with wherever you are, in case you forgot about her status as illegal muggleborn, moreover as the best friend closest to you_. _Besides, can you ever think of a way of how to distract her from wanting to go with you? She would never ever act like Ginny did to you,_ another part of his mind told him.

Harry let a slight chuckle coming out from his mouth. It would never ever ever be easy to tell Hermione she should wait behind patiently for him and let him fight Voldemort on his own. The stubbornness she had showed him well for the past six years had told him that she was much more protective than she should actually be toward him, someone she _had to be _considered as a very best friend of hers.

As guilty as he could feel, he was actually pleased that Hermione chose to stay with him instead of leaving with Ron. How was he supposed to do it on his own if there was not her brain and her caring there for him? _I would have been dead long time ago for my uncontrolled stupid rage if it was not her reminding me of the risk of my brutal useless attitude_, he smiled. Hermione had somehow grown up like his own sister, although he was not sure whether she was the little one or the big one. He realized that sometimes she could be much more protective than any girlfriend or mother would be for him, but at the other times, she could be much more vulnerable and more tearful than a toddler. He smiled again, remembering those moments back in their past Hogwarts. He would have never made it if she had not chosen their first day at Hogwarts on the the train to be spent in his and Ron's compartment. He would not have stood a chance of surviving right from the first year had she not been there for him and Ron. It was Hermione telling him that he was the bravest and greatest wizard of all. It was Hermione who told him not to fly after Malfoy in first year so that he would not be in trouble. Even if they were just eleven then, she had shown him how caring she could feel for him. It was Hermione trying to help him save Ginny in the second year. It was Hermione who accompanied him saving Sirius and Buckbeak in third year. It was Hermione who stood by him when he was desperate in Triwizard Tournament even though everyone turned their backs on him including Ron. It was Hermione giving him his first kiss in fourth year. It was Hermione who showed him a distraction from Umbridge in fifth year by suggesting DA. It was Hermione who helped him out of Umbridge's crucio while trying to contact Sirius in their fifth year. It was Hermione who would always hug him first of all people, asking him how he was feeling and concerned everything that might be dangerous for him. It was Hermione who told Ginny how to attract him in the first place. It was Hermione who chose to stay by his side and ignore the boy Harry was sure she had been in love with although that broke her heart miserably. And last, it was Hermione who had once again shared one of the most important moments in his life in graveyard and then became his Heroine once more while saving him from death at Godric's Hallow.

'_Sweet Merlin, how come there are so many moments in my life involving her name and yet what I could do in return just treat her miserably like this! What if Hermione changed her mind and not being faith anymore to me?? What am I supposed to do without her? How am I going to ruin all the bloody horcruxes on my own?? Damn! I think Hermione should be The Chosen One instead of me!' _He mentally cursed himself for what he had done to her. Only then did he realize he had never thanked her properly for what she had done to him.

He was in his deep thought trying to figure out whether it was possible that Professor Trelawney knew there would always be Hermione Jane Granger in the most defining moments in his life that he finally could be the Chosen One when suddenly he realized that the icy wind blew colder and stronger around them. Harry narrowed his eyes from the blow and glanced around. The sky was very dark and the storm would be so possible in coming to their place. He was not in the mood of dying outside here in his watch time instead of fighting Voldemort on his own.

Turning his head to the girl beside him once more, he decided that they should be inside now rather than inviting hypothermia to their bodies.

He was confused where to start with, but then began with taking her wand from her already loose grip, closing the book she had been reading earlier, and slipping it carefully to the open zipper behind them. He turned once again to her, feeling more nervous and confused than he should have been at that moment, knowing for a fact that never would he dare to wake her up and simply tell her to go inside since the storm was coming from her peaceful sleep.

_Well, if you don't want to wake her up, just simply bring her inside._

_And how am I supposed to bring her?_

_Just simply carry her! _

_In my arms??? _

_No, in your skinny cheek arse! Of course in your arms, you idiot!_

_Er... Are you trying to say that I should bring her inside like I used to carry Ginny up in my arms? BECAUSE IF YOU DO, THIS IS HERMIONE FOR MERLIN'S PANTS SAKE, YOU PRAT!! DONT YOU EVEN DARE THINK THAT WAY AGAIN !_

_But I'm your mind you bloody fucking git ! If you don't want to carry her then just shut your nerves up and wake her up!_

_I can't..._

_Why can't?_

_I just can't wake her! She was so exhausted and might not have proper sleeping when I was out!_

_Aha! Then just tell me what will you do before she shivered to death here?_

Harry looked around and realized the wind blew even stronger. A sudden whimper from his left startled him. Hermione's teeth had begun chattering due to the coolness covering her.

_This is just Hermione. Of course it'll be okay to carry her inside._

He tried to calm himself down.

_She'll never blame you for that or you can hex me if I'm wrong_, the sound of his mind told him.

Finally, having no choice and being not in a mood of freezing outside, he pried that Hermione would not wake up in his arms before putting his left arm under her neck while the other under her knees and easily lifted her up to the warm tent, directing to her bed.

She was incredibly felt light to Harry, small yet perfectly fit in his arms when he crossed the space inside the tent to put her on that comfy bed. He smiled softly watching her oblivious mind to her state and tried his best to walk slowly and not startled her.

Finally they arrived and Harry laid her down on the bed very carefully as if laying an innocent baby on her cot. He covered her with the blanket from her feet up to her chin and began to smile again watching her better state, but soon frowned at her: Her teeth were still chattering and her face suddenly became deathly pale. His eyes widened in fear realizing her body now began trembling and shivering uncontrollably.

_Bloody Hell! What's wrong with her??? _He panicly wondered in his mind. He had never seen her like that before. He had never seen her sick before.

_She's sick??? How come that happened? _His mind asked stupidly.

_And what else could she get from daily little mushroom soup, freeze weather, lack of sleep, and stress??_

_She's stressed herself out??_

_Oh, in case you just told me that being left by a boyfriend who seemed so uncaring of her state was a nice thing any girl asked for! How could you be so thick? She's the one working so hard these weeks. For your both meals, your plan to Godric's Hallow, your research of those bloody horcruxes while you just sat back keeping staring at the stupid little dot named 'Ginny' in your bloody marauder's map, hoping blindly you could be with that girl once more without really thinking about horcruxes! What about the lack sleeps she got since she prefer to sobbing than sleeping thinking about Ron when you just sat comfortably on your own bed without really soothing her??? Did you seriously think that she would just keep being strong and health for doing and experiencing those at the same times???!! I have no idea how thick your skull could be sometimes when it comes to Hermione!_

Harry's jaw dropped open, a realization crept in his mind.

_Don't let her sick oh God don't let her…_

He sat beside her on the bed with panic crossed his mind. He put his palm on Hermione's forehead and felt much more alarmed to feel the skin against him felt terribly hot. He sank on his

spot being only able to mutter a weak '_Oh God'_ repeatedly in his now wild racing mind.

_This can't be it ! Hermione's always strong, she'll never be like this- she can't be like this in the middle of nowhere in the damn freezing winter like this and only be with me! _Harry screamed wildly inhis mind.

_Come down Harry, calm down. It's just a fever. It really is just a fever, _he told himself repeatedly, trying desperately to keep calmed and thought about a more realistic act for his best friend's sake.

He glanced around in panic, hoping there would be something telling him what to do to her. His eyes were fixed on her wand and book in the corner he had slipped earlier into the tent. He walked there and took them both from the tent floor. He brought the book to the table near her bunk while gripping the wand with his right hand.

Looking around the tent trying to figure out what he should do next, his eyes spotted the clean bowl laid on top of the table they used for having meals. He walked there and took it, then stared at it unblinkingly as if in deep thought.

_I've never done it before. Can I do it right now to her?_

_Unless you can say that you can do the healing spell for her like Madam Pomfrey could._

_I can't... I haven't even tried to study it....._

His mind said the bitter truth out loud and Harry felt he was the dumbest person ever walked on earth! How could he never study it, or even at least wanting to study it for a bit??? Didn't he realize that there would be wounds and illness??? What in the Merlin's name had he always been thinking all the time 'till did not have any chance of thinking about how he might need to study it?

As if there were someone invisible slapping him right on his cheek, he knew the answer too well:_ Because I've depended everything on Hermione Granger...._

Harry couldn't believe how idiot he could be sometimes. It was Harry James Potter for Heaven Sake that was supposed to be The Chosen One! How could he easily just hang it on innocent Hermione?

Feeling as bad as he was, he did not really realize that there was someone moaning weakly in the corner of the room 'till he was woken up by the shrill whimper coming from that place. He turned around and quickly grabbed the clean towel near the sink before walking to Hermione. Harry sat on the bed, watching her attentively, trying to listen to her unclear word between whimpers. He pointed the wand and muttered a low _Aguamenti _to the bowl. It was soon filled up by cool water and he dipped the towel to the bowl, making sure it was covered and wet by water before squeezing it slightly, then put it on her forehead.

She was not taken aback from the movement, but he realized she did not calm anymore now. _Hermione's really ill. She really has a fever... _his mind spoke quietly watching her state. _I hope it's just a fever, not a side effect she might get from the spells in Bathilda's house… _His mind screamed and yelled at him to just stop thinking about that dreadful idea. Panic had finally wrapped his brain since then.

Looking for a distraction, Harry took her small hand and held it tightly. It felt slightly warm from her sweat and small against his own hand. A small smiled crept on his lips. Funny how he realized that there was a moment earlier in his life that put them both in the same situation before, him holding her hand innocently like this. It was on the second year when she was petrified and he would always come for a visit to her and held her hand desperately like this, clinging for a hope she would recover soon.

Her hand did not squeeze him back like she would usually do when she was not in her state like that. _She really was oblivious to her surrounding right now, _Harry said softly in his head, realizing how suffering she had to feel right now. He stared at their linked hands and began to stroke hers softly. He would give anything he had right now if it meant for her strength. It hurt him so bad to know how cruel he had been towards her. His mind was so busy recalling the moments they had shared in the past years, how loyal she had been to him, how caring she had always acted towards him, how brave she had risked her own life for him. He remembered the panic he got when Dolohov's curse hit her and she just fell back. That did not seem like Hermione, his Hermione who was a really great witch that had never been hit by any spell before for their five years at Hogwarts. Seeing her fell unconscious so suddenly like that as if seeing the most impossible thing had happened to him: There would be no Hermione defending him again after that.

Harry suppressed a bitter small, staring her again intently before speaking ever so softly, his voice barely a whisper to his own ears, "And what am I supposed to do without you, Hermione? How am I supposed to do it all on my own? This ridiculous task I have involved you in…. the miserable condition I've caused you in… I…," he choked at his words, unable to finish it.

"I guess, I guess… I have to… I..," he stopped, unable to figure out words he needed to tell her even though he knew she could not hear him right now.

However, before he even knew it, before he completely recovered from his muse, Harry felt her hand squeezed him back. To his surprise, Hermione seemed to hear him just now, or at least, made him believe she could hear him because the lines she spoke after that was much more beyond his expectation.

"Ron…," she mumbled weakly.

Harry's eyes grew wide, unable to believe what his ears told him.

"Hermione…? Hermione, can you hear me?" he said, squeezing her hand back, hoping she could wake up and realized that he was there, letting her know that she was not on her own. But then, what she mustered was what surprised him even more.

"Ron… Ron, don't go… No, you're wrong! You're terribly wrong.... Come back here you did not mean that………….. I.. know you did not!!! Ronald… please come back here, you said yourself you wouldn't leave us, you said yourself you wouldn't leave him, you said yourself you would never ever leave me!" her voice was so hysterical, tearful and clear that Harry could not believe his eyes that she said that unconscious…

She still clutched his hand tightly and seemed so unaware of the hand belonged to Harry, someone who was not in her nightmare. He had turned pale. Harry had never seen Hermione have a nightmare before, moreover, never seen her mumbled helplessly in her dream.

"Hermione, can you hear me? It's me, Harry. Hermione…" but she did not hear him. All she did was just clutching his hand ever more tightly each time he said the same lines to her, trying desperately to wake her up from whatever nightmare she was having. He broke his heart to see her like this. The state she was on was not good at all. Her body seemed tense and terribly cold yet her forehead and face were hot from the fever she was having. It was nothing compared to the hurt on his face seeing her muttering the name of their best friend in her dream. It was obvious for Harry to know that it was a dream about Ron; about how desperate she might be for him now, trying to catch him in her dream. Her weak voice kept muttering his name and he grew silent for realizing there was nothing he could do about Ron right now. About how he could somehow made him back here for the sake of their witch best friend.

Harry watched Hermione helplessly. He was expecting that she would mutter his own name when he tried to figure out what she had been rambling about earlier. He was naively expecting he would hear her cry because of the nightmare she was having about their last dread moments in Godric's Hollow, that somehow when that happened, he could just soothe her and calm her down, whispering to her ears that she was alright, that they were both alright and he was there with her. That way, and some hug he could do to her weak body, then he could really calm her down and drifted her back to her peaceful sleep.

But now, seeing her lips kept calling Ron's name like that did not help him at all. He could do nothing to calm her down if it was Ron she asked for right now. He grew so quiet and just be still on his spot watching her kept rambling about Ron.

_I'll never be Ron, Hermione_, he said sadly in his heart.

_I'm so sorry if I've caused you like this, if I had somehow separated you from the one you really want to be with right now…_ his chest felt uneasily numb for thinking about that. Of course she would much prefer to be with Ron. _Whatever did make you think she would prefer being here with you rather than having such a good companion, such a good boyfriend she's supposed to be with? She just stays for respect for your sake, Harry… She never makes you her number one if you're curious at that idea…_

He squeezed her hand so tightly, resembling the pain he had in his heart right now. Someone invisible had gotten his hand into his chest and squeezed his heart tightly. He knew he could not do this to Hermione, he knew it was his entire fault. It once had been true to vaguely think that the more he cared, the more he had to lose. And now, he thought he had just found one more quote: _The more I care, the more I have to hurt…_

His vision was slowly blurred to the wetness he found preventing his gaze from Hermione before him. She was still muttering Ron's name and clutched his hand desperately as if begging him to say back to her that Ron was there for her, Ron was safe and would never leave her.

Harry took a deep breath to calm him down. He blinked several times to get his clear vision back. And when he did not, he knew he had no way out from there. He dipped the towel once more to the cool water and placed it back to its supposed spot on her forehead before leaning closer to her body, wrapped his arms around her, begging for his tears not to yet spill over against her face, and held her weak tense body, burying his face to her shoulder and answering her rambling on Ron's name tearfully, having no idea how she would take his pretending of sounding like Ron was supposed to sound at the moment

"I'm here, Hermione, I'm here….It's alright… It's OK… I'm okay… we're both okay… And I will never ever ever leave you… I promise…"

And with that, she miraculously went quiet and drifted back to the sleep Harry had always wanted her to have some.

13


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The sky outside was white-grayish pale and the snows had stopped falling for hours. The harsh wind blowing the night before had been replaced by the calm cool fresh air. The birds had all been up and were now singing happily in distance.

Two teenagers, a dark haired boy and a bushy browned haired girl were on a bed with awkward positions inside a warm tent which miraculously could not be seen by anyone nor any animals. It was settled in the middle of what we could only called as 'white-snowy clearing' at the moment.

Their figures glowed in white pale light that had somehow shadowed them. The boy on the bed was still far asleep yet the girl one had woken up long ago. She was wearing a mix expression between confused and amused ones on her face. She was staring intently at the boy, whose position had somehow been so awkward to tell. His body was somehow slipped off to the floor, head was laid on the bed beside the girl's waist while his right arm had wrapped around the girl's stomach. His glasses had fallen from his face yet its frame was somehow pressed against his cheek. It was clear for anyone to tell that he had fallen asleep while holding her the night before.

The girl had now decided that stroking his messy hair softly would be a more interesting thing to do than just staring intently at his figure. So, she did just that, hoping that somehow he would not wake up for times being, knowing for sure that he had not gotten a proper sleep the night before just for her sake.

It went for the next several minutes before suddenly he stirred slowly in his position, making the girl surprised and stop her activity, yet her hand was still on his head. She stared at him nervously, thinking that she had to wake him up when actually it really was the last thing she wanted to do. The boy stirred again and all of a sudden, as if realizing something urgent, he jerked his head up so suddenly that his glasses fell to the floor, making the girl gasped and stared at him with wide eyes.

"Harry?" she said, calling his name.

"Hermione!" he said something which he had been intended to sound like an answer to her call, only he realized it sounded more like a yell. His voice was hoarse and panic.

He narrowed his eyes and frowned so hard, clearly having a difficulty in seeing her figure clearly. His brows weighed heavily on his eyes before realizing his glasses had gone missing from his face.

"My glasses…" he muttered slowly, back his body off a bit and looked around the floor. He saw them and grabbed them, putting them on his face in a rush. He looked up to her face and soon rose from his spot, sitting on the bed beside her.

"Hermione, you're awake! For how long exactly? Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked, his voice was urgent and she could tell that he was deadly worried about her.

She smiled before taking his hand and squeezed it assuringly.

"Harry, I'm fine. I just didn't wanna wake you up," she said softly.

"I was going to take my wand and somehow moved you to your bed from your awkward position sleeping on the floor like that, but I couldn't reach it. I don't want to risk to wake you so I just sat and waited for you," she finished calmly.

"I must've fallen asleep then, "he sighed heavily, looking rather regretting his act.

His eyes were once again fixed on her face, scanning it in a concern frown before opening his mouth to speak again.

"How're you feeling?"

Hermione was rather taken aback by this and then simply said,"I'm fine, Harry. I've told you before," she smiled, enjoying the attention he had not given to her recently.

"Really?" he asked bluntly, regretting his dumb voice coming out from his mouth.

"I am. Maybe I wasn't but I am, now," she said reassuringly.

He took deep a deep breath, staring intently to the brown eyes she had, as if challenging them to reveal its secret.

"Harry, please. Trust me. I'm fine. Can't you say it from the look on my face? Nothing to wor-," her sentence stopped abruptly at his sudden act. He jerked his hand up to her face and flew directly to her forehead.

His hand remained there for five seconds before pulling back.

"No you're not, 'Mione. And you haven't been. Why didn't you tell me this? Since when did this actually start? You almost made me worry to death you know that? I would be so guilty if I had not decided to look outside last night, finding you leaning against the tent's wall and fell asleep shivering," he said desperately.

When she kept quiet, he went on.

"Look. I really am sorry for what I've done lately to you. I really am sorry for how prat I've been recently to you just because you preferred to save my life than my bloody wand. I guess I was a bit angry to myself, Hermione, bringing you to a horrible situation like that. You knew I wouldn't be mad at you, not exactly and directly at you. It's just me throwing my anger to the only person I knew was here with me. I know I'm selfish, I've always been, ignoring you like that as if you were just a house-elf or something to serve me. But I would never ever ever want you to hide something about your real condition like this. What do you think I would have been if I slept peacefully last night on my own cozy bed and just looked for you in the morning outside, with you having fallen asleep in no jacket or sweater or any bloody thick clothes where a bloody freezing wind had just blown surrounding you last night? How do you think I must feel at present time and how in the Merlin's name your condition right now?" he asked bitterly, clearly showing his desperation and guilt in his voice.

He locked his gaze on her eyes, showing an expression Hermione had never remembered he ever wore before. She looked stunned for a moment, hesitant at what she should say.

"Harry, I'm so sorry I've caused you like that. I never intended-"

"Of course you never did. You never did think of how it could affect me, right? And now that you've found out, just promise me one thing, will you?"

"What?"

"Never hide anything about your condition from me anymore, okay?"

"I promise."

"Thanks," he muttered quietly.

Silence engulfed them for several seconds before he decided to break it, being determined in asking something he hated to think.

"Hermione?"

"Yeah?"

"I...Could you do me a favor? I meant it's not like that, it has nothing to do with your weak condition right now. I mean it has but just not that way. I mean… Look, I... I guess I wanna ask something since I've never spoken much to you lately, and I want you to answer it truthfully, Hermione, without hiding any small details about it," he rambled unclearly as if talking to himself and not to her.

Hermione frowned at him. She knew she usually smiled when he did that, but the tone in his speech made her feel something was wrong with him.

"What is it, Harry?" she asked back, paying more attention to his state.

He brought his eyes to hers and Hermione directly knew it was not right. The darkening of his bright brilliant green eyes had never been a good sign, which it was.

"What happened in Bathilda's?"

She knew she should be expecting this, but the behavior he showed to her recently made her forget all about that. As confused as she really was, Hermione asked.

"What do you mean by what happened there, Harry? You know exactly what happened there, don't you? It was you-"

"I don't mean that, Hermione. I know exactly what happened there to me but I guess… I guess I just don't know what happened to…you… do I?" his voice grew lower and she knew why he asked that question.

Realization sunk into her when she had never thought he would actually think about her that much. She smiled softly to him and squeezed the hand she had been holding saying, "Harry, it's alright. It has nothing to do with that night, I mean, he did not do anything to me. And the snake itself…" she closed her eyes, shuddering at the thought of such a big horrible snake before her.

"It… It did nothing to me, Harry. I knew it was supposed to bite me or something, and he himself… I don't really know Harry, but I guess we really were much quicker at our escape from the roof. I know anyone would always think it was impossible and it was such a miracle, but that was what happened. You can't believe how tearful for grateful I was that we were still both okay and escaped from him-them I guess. I guess I even heard his scream of annoyance right behind our backs, Harry. The only thing… I think the only thing happened is your state after that…," her voice was full of fear and he could tell from the sound of it, that she was trying so hard not to cry remembering their big miracle that night. It was his turn now squeezing her hand calming.

"I know what you mean, 'Mione," he said softly, trying to calm her down.

"No, Harry. I mean, yes… yes you do know what happened I've told you that. But you just did not see the details yourself. It was terrifying and I don't know what it could do to you if I let it burn to your chest. It… Harry it pulsed wildly and was terribly hot and it kinda melted into your chest. You were shivering uncontrollably and terribly cold. My mind was completely gone seeing you like that but I knew I should not have been. So I ripped off your shirt and threw it away from us. It felt so hot, Harry. I'm sure it would do the same thing to my skin but fortunately, the only thing I got is this," she finished while bringing her right palm up so that they both could see it: a dark scar was now planted there, clearly from the burning the horcrux had done to his chest before. It looked exactly like the scar he had on his chest.

Harry took it and watched, scanning through it as if it might hide something he did not want it to. Ten full seconds passed and he brought his eyes to hers once more. They stared at each other's eyes, searching for any sign of her dishonest act. And when she did not, he knew she had told him the truth.

"Are you sure? Hermione, how could you be so sure that it had not affected to your weak condition?" Harry asked desperately, not believing how she could say that it had nothing to do with it.

"Isn't it something I could ask you back, Harry? Our scars are definitely same. If you had not suddenly turned weak and sick because of it, why would I be?" she asked him stubbornly, locking her gaze into his.

He stared back at her, knowing he could not debate her much further. Neither of them spoke for the next tense seconds before she broke the silence first.

"Harry, trust me. I'm fine. It's just a usual fever. I'm sorry if I had been such a baby, couldn't resist my own condition. Actually I did not feel well lately, even before our going there. I guess I'm just too exhausted and now if you will just please believe me, I promise I will watch my health and not a second will I underestimate it," she spoke softly, making him feel slightly better for hearing that promise. A soft smile on his face was a first sign of his relief.

"Promise?" he asked grinning stupidly at her face.

"I do."

They both grinned at each other as if having seen something funny. They both knew there was nothing funny. It was just the relief they had got from each other that made them feel much better.

"That's great, then," he said, still smiling.

"If you say so…," she said back.

"Of course I'll always say that. Hermione, I really beg your pardon for what I've been doing to you. I know I've been horrible and I promise I won't behave like that anymore. I'm not gonna make you take all this burden on your own. As a matter of fact, it was actually me who's the Chosen One and-"

"That doesn't make me less useful, does it?"

"Of course it doesn't. It will never do. But Hermione, you know how ignorant I've been and this is actually my work, my bloody task and now I promise I'm not gonna get you work too much on it 'till you completely forget about your condition. You're not too well now and just let me pay you back with the least thing I can do to you. You just rest here and don't go anywhere else outside. Just stay inside and let me take all of your jobs, okay?"

She stared at him frowning. _Has he always thought of me being that weak all this time? Boys!_

"I know you're the strongest girl I've ever met, Hermione. But you would have done this to me if I had been in your position, wouldn't you?" he asked her all of a sudden, answering the thought she was thinking.

"I guess…," she muttered slowly, her voice was barely a whisper. It was clear that she was still somehow disappointed with his decision. However, learning well about his stubbornness all this time, Hermione knew it would be better for her to keep quiet.

He smiled at her softly before raising up from his spot. Hermione was a little surprised at his action, but still did not say anything.

"Alright, then. Just wait here and I'll be back in an hour or so," he said that innocently to her, as if it had been a usual thing she heard from him.

But she was very surprised that she swung his head immediately to him, eyes widened in surprise and mouth opened up, ready to say something she wanted to.

"WHAT? Where are you going? Harry, honestly, this is ridiculous! I'm not that weak, you know! I need more rest, yes, I admit it and I'll do it but you leaving me-"

"Hermione, our food has run out and you know we were unable to get much for our stock as it has always been snowing outside. But look. The sky's clear and there was no snow. I'll be right back. I'm not leaving you, you know that. Just go buying some food in the nearest town so we-"

Her face was getting redder and redder at each word he said.

"Harry James Potter it is no way will I let you wander alone in the muggle town meeting Merlin knows who! They can be anywhere and I assure you it is the last thing we need right now-,"

"Hermione, I'm in my invisibility cloak. Don't you worry like that. It's just a little shopping," he said innocently.

"A LITTLE SHOPPING? A little shopping you said, huh? Harry I better not eat all day long rather than having you sneaking to some strange grocery to do a little shopping like you just said. Honestly. Harry, this is getting more ridiculous than ever! Who said I was weak and sick. I'm fully capable of-"

But her words were cut off by her own action. Hermione had risen from her bunk and ready to stand up abruptly, pointing her finger at him like she would always do whenever she was furious at someone's words. Only she was unexpectedly too weak to just be able to stand up because her legs gave up and made her sway in front, only to be caught by Harry's ready arms to prevent her from falling.

"Hermione, I've told you! Just go back there and rest. Can't you just give me what I plead this time?" Harry asked desperately, being totally aware of her stubbornness that had risen from her inner state. He brought her back to her bunk and laid her there. She winced painfully and rested her hand on top of her head, clearly feeling something painful there.

"You okay?" she heard Harry ask her, his voice was full of concern.

"I guess… Harry… oh God… My head felt so heavy as if I've slept for years and not get up once!" she said sadly, whimpering a bit at the sore feeling on his head.

"Is there anything I can do, 'Mione? Maybe taking some medicine you may bring with yourself before leaving?" Harry asked her softly, showing great concern on his face while watching her.

"I guess I brought it… Just… Just give me my purse, Harry if you please…," she mumbled weakly, still clutching his head, feeling the throbbing she had never felt before when she was health.

Harry did not waste a second from hearing her words. He soon grabbed the purse she asked and handed it to her. Hermione thanked him and then took what Harry could presume as her headache pills.

"You need water?" he asked her worriedly.

"If you don't mind, Harry, please," she answered weakly, her voice was barely above a whisper.

He ran to the sink and took a glass of water before handing it to her.

"Here, Hermione."

"Thanks."

And with that, she gulped the water after putting her pill into her mouth gratefully. Harry watched her finish it before breaking the silence he felt just wasting his time in searching for food he should have been doing the previous days.

"Feeling better, then? I don't know you kept it, I mean the medicine. Just hope you'll get well soon, 'Mione. Now, here. Let me do this at least," and he set the pillow behind her on its supposed place for her head so she could rest when he was leaving.

He had set it right and was ready to help her lay her head on it when he realized she was still and just frowned at him. Harry, having realized something about him had disturbed her mind, smiled softly at her and shook his head.

"Hermione, it's okay. It's alright. You know it won't take much time. You've done everything for me all this time. Just let me take this job from you. You would do the same thing if I were in your position, wouldn't you? I'm okay. It's not as if I'm a child wandering on my own without thinking properly before they took me, is it? I have my invisibility cloak and it's just much more than enough for protecting me, Hermione. Just let me do this, will you?" he explained to her soothingly. He knew she did not want to let him go, but he had to. It was Harry Potter for Merlin's sake. _Just without wand_, he thought bitterly.

They kept staring at each other's eyes, seeking for assurance they needed for different purpose. Harry to make her sure he would be safe and come back and Hermione to be able to let him go without her and without wand.

"Have my wand, then," she said firmly, still locking her gaze to his while handing him her wand beside her waist.

Harry shook his head, ready to say his argument to her when she tightened his grip on her wand.

"Hermione, look. Let's just hope I won't need this wand so that you can just rest here peacefully having this with you in case there is something we never hope for, shall we? I have my invisibility cloak and you have this wand and then we both have each of our protectors for us. Listen to me, Hermione, please. I beg you just this time, let me do this. Just let me do this. Just do what I say now this time. I won't be here for a while so this wand will be my replacement here for guarding you and this cloak will be your replacement for guarding me there, okay?" he said to her firmly, not a second looking away from her burning gaze.

When she looked unable to utter any words for arguments, Harry knew she tried so hard desperately not to cry in front of him. The pain showed on her face told him about her guilty in making his wand break. He knew he did not want to see that yet he did not know what else to say for soothing her. So, Harry, knowing that words may fail him again this time, leaned his body to her and hugged her, bringing her face to her chest, enveloping her so she could just sob there and let her tears wet his shirt. He put his head on her shoulder, trying to soothe her the way he should have done in recent weeks, begging for her body to just be strong again and then he could do his job again together with her.

"I'm so sorry, Harry… I… I did not mean to, never meant to… I…-"

"Shhhh… Hermione it's not your fault. It's not your fault at all and you know it. It's a terrible situation. I will never blame you again for that, I promise. Forgive me for saying terrible things to you after finding it out, but you know I'll never be mad at you. After all, would you prefer my wand here hugging you instead of my arms, now?" he asked jokingly, hoping to lighten up the situation and her mood, before feeling her punch playfully on his ribs.

"Of course I would never want that!"

"See? That's why you chose to save me! 'Cause it's the right thing. You're my best friend, Hermione, not my wand's best friend. You would never prefer burying my body now instead of my wand, would you?"

He received the punch once more only it was much more painful than the first one that he jerked his body suddenly back from her and rubbed his ribs, wincing.

"Ouch! Hey! What was that for? It was supposed to be a j-"

"IT NEVER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE HARRY JAMES POTTER AND YOU KNOW I HATE IT WHEN YOU JOKE ABOUT YOUR DEATH 'CAUSE THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY AT ALL ABOUT THAT!" Hermione suddenly exploded and Harry gasped at her reaction.

"Merlin, Hermione. It was just a jo-"

"NEVER EVER EVER JOKE ABOUT YOUR DEATH AGAIN WITH ME OR I'LL HEX YOU WITH A SPELL I'VE NEVER PERFORMED AT ANYONE I KNOW BEFORE!" She snapped furiously at him, making him speechless, confused at what had gotten into his best friend.

"Fine, then. I'm sorry…," he said apologizing.

"Forgive me for that, will you?" he begged for her, still rubbing his ribs wincing at the sore he felt just below his liver.

Hermione saw his gesture and then just threw her arms to his body, giving him her bone-crushing hug he used to have so many from her. He smiled at her attitude, realizing how he missed she did just that to him.

"Oh Harry I'm so sorry. Of course I forgive you. Just… just don't let I mean- Never joke about that again. I've always had nightmares 'bout… about deaths. And I hate it when you said that innocently just as if it really was a joke at all…" she sobbed on his shoulder and Harry's smile suddenly disappeared at the mention of her nightmares.

_Are they involving Ron being dead because of me, Hermione? _He asked the question in his head, remembering the lines she kept saying in her nightmare the night before. He grew so silent that Hermione was worried about him and let go of his body.

"Harry, are you alright? Does it still hurt? Oh God I must have done it harshly. Here, let me-"

"NO! No, Hermione, no it doesn't hurt at all I was… just thinking about something, I guess. No, it… doesn't hurt. Not now," he said sincerely, jerking his body back from her when she would check the spot she had punched him earlier and let go of his hand that rubbed the spot he knew had been bruised right now.

"Are you sure? You seemed wincing earlier and-"

"No, Hermione. It's not like that. I mean I'm alright, I'm okay. Just thinking, you know," he said reassuring her. When she did not look that way, he rose from his spot and stood, preparing to go doing his task.

"I think I'll just go, then. Just, just be careful, Hermione. I'll be. Don't worry. Just sleep and rest. I'll be here when you wake up later. Here's your wand. Place it here so that when you need it you won't find difficulty in using it. Now… I think… I better… go. Take care, Hermione." And with that, he hugged her close to his body, not once wanting to let go of her body and leave her here with no one. He closed his eyes in the warm he got from her body, squeezing her carefully to assure her he would come back later though he did not know how he was supposed to act when he met death eaters outside. He hung his body at her for what felt like an eternity, before suddenly pulling up and planted a long lasting kiss on her forehead, sending his unspeakable worry to her.

"Right… I'll just go, now. You lay here, 'Mione, here let me-"

She gave up on her own strength and just let him guide her to lay on her back comfortably. He settled her head carefully on the pillow and then rose the blanket to her stomach. When he finished, she still stared at his face, unable to say words she knew she should have said to him. He smiled at her and squeezed her hand for assurance.

"Just an hour, Hermione. And I'll be here when you haven't realized I've come. Okay? Take care…" and with that, he went, leaving Hermione's sobs behind his back.

6


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N:**

**Hey guys!**

**Been back with this chappie now, have replaced it with some editing in here and there. It's my first story actually so pls be nice and tell me what u think! Ok? Here u go, hope u like it ! ********)**

**Chapter 3**

The sky was clear, the night was quiet, and the air was not that cold. Harry Potter was not that calmed in his watch time. A sword was on his lap and a wand emanating silver bright light was on his grip, pointed at the direction he was not really aware of. His eyes stared at view before him but his brain was not there at all.

It had been three weeks since he found Hermione was here and sick. And it had been two weeks and five days since Ron, his very first best friend, came back. He appeared out of nowhere saving Harry's life when he felt he was drowning at the pool the night he found the Gryffindor's sword. Hermione was surprised at first seeing their ginger haired best friend came back. But they explained quickly and she amazingly –although admitted that she would not be that easy in forgiving Ron- recovered quickly and seemed quite much better than the previous days.

_And how could she not? _Harry muttered in his mind, shaking his head at his unimportant confuse at her quick recovering. Of course it was all about Ron, of course she was so thrilled he had come back, because Harry had sworn not to have watched her whimpering having nightmares anymore the night he had come back. He still took care of her even when Ron had been back, 'cause he knew Hermione would feel much more comfortable if he himself kept doing that instead of Ron. He mentally swore to himself that he had once seen her smirk once Ron had finished asking about what happened to her and go away after saying he would catch some food. She became taken aback from her musing and could not answer smoothly when he suddenly dared himself to ask her what was so funny. She had turned scarlet and changed the subject abruptly.

He sighed deeply at the memory. _Well, at least I should be happy now aren't I? He's back and she's well now and tomorrow we'll take on the next step to find out about something that should help our horcrux problem. So what else should I be feeling unwell for?_

_Because you can't just get rid off the thought that they will ignore you forever and be like Bill and Fleur once you go…. Because you can't just calm with the great possibility that you're just being the third wheel now and make the situation undesirable for both of them… Because you can't for just a second throw the image of the horcrux that pictured you and Hermione's kissing scene that has messed up your inner's brain that it could not work properly now…_

Harry breathed some more, clearly being much more uncomfortable and could not calm a little at his honest mind's answer for his earlier question. His body rocked back and forth, trying to vanish the thought and calmed him down. There was no way such a _horrible _horcrux's trick could mess him more. They both had all gone through it, hadn't they? Fighting people's opinion that they were really such a lovely couple. Now, when it was just a bloody horcux's trick playing before him, he should be able to let it go easily, shouldn't he?

_But it was not a trick after all, it showed you how all this time Ron had been afraid of that happening, afraid of being once again losing Hermione to you., how dread and scared he was imagining you two had played something behind his back. People seem to find it so hard to believe you and Hermione are just best friends, people seem to always be delusional at how she had always been there for you and how willing she was at anything she could do to help you. And no one understood Ron's jealousy any better than you, someone who had had too much publicity and been so famous, someone he once again should compete with to get attention he was so keen to have much of. And it would not be fair at all if she, Hermione, once again preferred you than Ron, if he once again had to lose from you for a delusional competition you were so sure would be beaten long ago even from Krum._

_Is that so? If it's fair for him to get and have her completely, is it fair for me to be left out in the corner and finally the trio will never be whole? It will finally split to be Duo and me, it will eventually be Ron-Hermione and Harry, not Harry-Ron-Hermione anymore, and you can say that it's fair for me as well?_

_That, at least, is something you should be happy for isn't it? At least they will not bicker anymore once they're together._

_And what am I supposed to do in this tent when I see them comfortable enough nuzzling each other? I'll look totally idiot for not knowing where to stand between them._

_So you think you stand between them?_

_Of course I do! In fact, I must be the only reason why I haven't seen them kiss or something!_

_You look unhappy right now…_

_Of course I'm unhappy! Who will be so happy in facing this complicated situation? Because I don't think I'm able to stand for another lonely time just because they find they're comfortable enough without me!_

_Are you saying that you're jealous, Potter?_

_What????? NO, YOU IDIOT! Of course I'm not jealous! What would I be for?_

_For not winning her of course…_

_Hermione is not a goblet or some cup to win_

_But you've always been her priority haven't you?_

_That's because she really is a best friend anyone should ask for_

_And there you have her_

_I do, but not like Ron does_

_See, you're jealous_

_Honestly, nope!_

_Then why? You should be happy for the two of them_

_I would but-_

_Would? Aha! You're being thick again about your feeling now you know that?_

_I'm not thick_

_Then let go of it! Hermione is not yours! She never has and she never will be yours! She is supposed to be with Ron, someone she will eventually marry and have kids with!_

Harry groaned at his mind's words. It was driving him mad to debate with his own inner brain like that. The idea of his best friends eventually leave him all alone dread him more than anything else. It was as bad as though someone had informed him that he would be back to live under the cupboard under the stairs with the Dursleys.

_What Potter? You don't like the idea of you being called Uncle Potter by little redheads with good jokes and great brain like Ron and Hermione have?_

_Piss off! I don't wanna talk to you again!_

_I'm not going to stop before you spill your actual feeling about Hermione-_

_I don't have any actual feeling rather than the poor dependent too much to her help and love her as best friend, a sister I can always call to have_

_And tell me how do you know it as a sisterly love if you never have any sister or siblings all this time?_

_I just know you prat! Go away!_

_I won't if you either say truthfully to me about how you feel right now towards Hermione or let it go and be finally be happy for her and Ron_

_I have always loved her as my very best friend!_

_Till now?_

_Of course till now! I can't suddenly develop romantic feeling for her can I?_

_Can't you? After these quiet weeks just between the two of you?_

_And what is that supposed to mean? We just shared the hardest time in our lives and the most important moment in my life last Christmas and that doesn't change how I feel towards her other than the more caring feeling and grateful for what she's done to my life!_

_Then just be happy for both of them and being supportive with their happiness! They've done too much for you all this time for Merlin's sake!!_

But he could not. He was bloody fizzy when the other part of his mind messed him up again by suggesting the third wheel theory or the happiness destroyer of his best friends who had been so obviously acted awkwardly whenever he showed up at their Merlin knew what conversation. He knew he was not expected at all. It really was both excruciating and depressing.

Harry gritted his teeth in an attempt to calm his racing mind and rising blood from debating this rubbish thing with his mind. He inhaled and exhaled deeply and rocked his body back and forth, head on his knees and arms wrapping his kneecaps, trying to cool his heart and emotion down.

"Drowned in another deep thought again, Harry?" a girl voice suddenly rose from behind him and he nearly jumped in his spot-seat at her unexpected appearance.

"Hermione!" he exclaimed, rather accusingly for being too surprised seeing her figure standing at the flap of the tent. She smiled at him.

"I am," she said smirking, before stepping forward and sat beside him.

"Mind if I join you here?" she asked him, smirking at his not-fully-recovered figure who was still staring at her with his mouth agape.

"No!" he said, and with that, being so thankful for his brain could work properly again from a small stroke he thought he had got while seeing her there.

"What's wrong? Couldn't sleep I suppose?' he asked her after shifting to his left, giving some more space between their own bodies Harry did not fully understand what use of it.

"I guess… isn't it obvious? I can never have a good sleep anymore since our little adventure at Christmas," she said, not looking into his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he muttered weakly, clearly feeling so guilty at the thought of how traumatic she had been from that moment.

She shook her head at his words, assuring both Harry and herself they needn't feel that way. "It's not your fault, Harry. It's no one's fault. Don't be, 'cause I know it is not that easy either for you," she assured him, now being finally able to look directly into his eyes, showing her assurance and faith for him at those warm shiny brown eyes.

Harry was rather taken aback by her answer, but remained calmed while seeing those brilliant brown eyes just inches before his face.

_It is Hermione Jane Granger after all. Who can know you better than her? Even Ginny doesn't seem to be able to…_

"But…still…," he said weakly, gulping and turning his head to look forward again, clearly sounding desperate even for Hermione's tired ears.

The three of them had studied so hard and been thinking for their next step all day long. They had been sitting face to face with all debates and arguments among them about their next step to go to the Lovegood's house. It really was such an exhausting long discussion that the fact that Hermione could not sleep surprised Harry a little. They decided to go to their house the following day after Ron exclaimed that it was meal time and he would not delay it longer for the stupid arguments between Harry and Hermione. Ron and Harry had agreed that they should go the very next morning but Hermione was stubborn about extra preparation and safety for the three of them. Harry and Ron thought that it was useless because there was no one sane enough wanting to go to the Lovegood's house.

"You're not still mad at me, are you, Harry?" her voice again startled him, sounding worried and yet sweet at the same time. Harry gritted his teeth and cursed mentally for thinking about her voice that much.

"Why would I be? After all you've done to me all this time, can I really be mad at you? Or even, is it fair that I suddenly am mad at you?" he asked her back, turning his face to look at her anxious one, suppressing a mimic he really meant as a sincere smile.

"What do you mean by-"

"Can I really be mad at you after what you've done to me for nearly seven years? If you really count times when the good ones came to my life and the bad ones leave abruptly from my life, you really are going to be surprised at how often your name linked to them, Hermione," said Harry calmly, still daring his eyes to stared back at hers assuringly.

Hermione suddenly understood what he meant and shook her head in disbelief. She smiled more to herself than to him while closing her eyes, clearly still recalling what he meant by good and bad moments in his life.

Harry silently observed her gesture, feeling so surprised at how really beautiful this young lady had become, wondering how blind he had been all this time. Well, he had not been actually that blind, hadn't he? He had mentioned that she was 'pretty' and 'amazing' at Yule Ball and 'was not ugly at all' in fifth year when she suggested how he should behave towards Cho's jealousy at her. _Ron is definitely the luckiest bloke in the world_.

Hermione stopped shaking her head before opening up her mouth to speak to him again.

"Guess what? I actually have, Harry. Pardon me for sounding rather annoying and arrogant but-"

"You really are _annoying _Miss Granger. Have you been aware of that undeniable fact? And for some points, really can be arrogant too when it comes to-OUCH!"

Hermione had slapped him hard yet playfully right on his shoulder and was now wearing triumphant expression on her face when she saw him wincing. She suddenly burst into a fit of laughter seeing him moaning in pain like that.

"For Merlin's pants, Hermione, you really are so annoying sometimes. Just see when you're married later, how many bruises and scars are your husband able to endure on his body, that's such an interesting observation I'd love to do," said Harry, still wincing and rubbing the spot He was sure burned right now from the hot feeling on it.

"That's why you love me too much, Potter and don't deny it! You'll get sick and bored too if I'm not annoying! And don't you dare calling me that again 'cause you're so annoyingly stubborn, too!" she told him smiling.

"Oh yeah. I really love you, Hermione. I even have fallen in love with you for years. I do love you and I mean each and every word of it," he said sarcastically to her.

For some unknown reasons Harry could not tell, her laughter suddenly stop abruptly. Harry turned his face to look at her again and he knew straightly what she was going to say next moment.

"I'm so-"

"Don't ever be, Hermione. Don't ever be… I'm fine. You know what? It really is great to have some chat and jokes again with you…" the moment it slipped from his mouth, Harry knew it really was not something he should not have said considering the ambiguity Hermione could spot easily from that simple yet meaningful sentence. But what came next from her was beyond his expectation.

She suddenly took his right hand and linked her fingers around it. She stared at it for a second longer before speaking up again to him.

"Me, too, Harry. Thanks for doing much favor to me these weeks," her voice was soft and calming, and Harry did not even know why he was thinking of that. They both stared at their linked hands, each drowning in their own thought. He thought of something appropriate to say to her. Then, studying their hands, he brought his face to look at hers.

"You know what? If you can simply say thanks for trivial things I've done to you these past weeks 'till you fully recovered, what do you think I should say to a very nice best friend who has bushy browned hair and so famous for her brain, braveness, and faithfulness who has somehow stubbornly, and accidentally linked her future to my own and follow me for nearly seven years and has saved my life and helped me through all sort of things that I did not even know I could pass them?"

The moment he finished her question, she brought her face to look at his. A small soft and sincere smile crept on her lips when she squeezed his hand in her palm.

"I think you should know about her feeling first, the main reason why she did those things to you, finding out if-"

"I just know that she really is always being so protective to me all this time. And-"

"Kind of possessive as well?"

"What?! No! No no no! I mean… I mean yeah, she's always protective towards me and so caring at whatever I was doing that she always wanted to help me and not a second leave my side or turned her back on me even when others have ignored me. She was so stubborn and yet sweet at the same time. I would never make it from the first place if there was no her at all in my life. And… the worst thing I came to realize these past weeks as well is that… I… I have never thanked her even for once. I have never tried to … to become … to show my gratefulness all this time at what she's done to me…"

"I have never asked you to thank me anything, Harry. It's just-"

"I know, Hermione. Believe me I know. It's just… I feel not right after all, having treated you like this. I should have never dragged you into this mess-"

"Even if you went and left us behind, I was going to go after you and found out where you were 'cause I feel that you should not do this all alone, Harry. Even if you pushed me and Ron away, I would never ever give up on you. You've never dragged me into this mess. Life is hardly fair and easy to live, Harry. We all know that. I was even going to drag myself into this mess if you didn't-"

"And what about Ron?"

Several quiet seconds felt like an eternity to Harry before Hermione found her voice again to answer him. Harry knew he had gone too far but he could not resist anymore. The fact that Ron and Hermione had always had good time behind his back and shared moments he could never be able to get into was silently driving him mad. He kept caressing the back of her hand and stared at it. Slowly, the curiosity at what she actually dreamt about Ron in her nightmares surfaced on his brain.

"What do you mean by… Ron, Harry?"

He never thought of her to be that thick in finding out what he meant. _And she bloody is not being thick now_, he spat in his mind.

He remained silent at her words for a moment, caressing her hand ever more softly when the back of his head was racing to find correct words for to say to her.

"To be perfectly honest with you… I… I have never understood how you were able to do it Hermione. Never even in my wildest dreams I dreamt about some particular nice best friend who would willingly give up on her boyfriend just to stay with her best friend, someone so easily vulnerable and raged who happened to be the boyfriend's best friend as well-"

"Ron is not my boyfriend, Harry, if that's what you're really curious about. Never was and never is," Hermione cut him once she knew where this conversation went to.

_And she doesn't say that it never will….._

He stopped caressing the back of her hand. Partly was because of surprise and partly was because of relief. Harry had never known how those two kinds of feeling could be mixed together. He brought his face to meet hers before opening up his mouth for the best response of her statement before.

" Yet, isn't it?"

Harry knew he had gone much way too far. Hermione suddenly jerked her hand from his grip and stared at him agape, clearly confused what had gotten to her best friend that he suddenly developed such a big interest in her love life. Her eyes darkened and Harry knew he should not have asked those stupid questions.

_Hermione is not yours you bloody idiot of course she can freely pick any guy to be her boyfriend so easily! It's none of your bloody business you thick skull!_

"I-"

"Never mind!"

They said their words at the same time and suddenly he could not stare any longer in that face. He jerked his body away from her and stared absently at the view of trees before him. His heart was beating so fast and his mind raced uncontrollably, thinking what he should say next if she were to investigate him much further in that topic. Harry knew Hermione was not that type of person who could let go of something bothering her best friend so easily. And he silently crossed his fingers below his thighs, prying for luck.

"Harry, I-"

"Never mind, Hermione! I don't know what's gotten into me earlier. I didn't really think about my words. Just forget about that, forget about what I said earlier. It really is something not more than just rubbish," he cut her off again, his voice was harsh and effectively silenced her for the next seconds. However, what she said next was something he believed to be the most stabbing-numb sensation he felt deep in the bottom of his heart.

"So, you're okay with that?"

For a split second, Harry felt as if the sky had fallen from the height and crushed him right in the head. It felt so bloody heavy that he could not think at all. He cursed loudly in his mind for finally arriving in the most dread conversation he would never hope to be in for. Thinking of a way how he could get out from this smoothly, he tried his best to remain cool and calm at this conversation.

"Why wouldn't I be? It's always been obvious, isn't it? Right from the second year I guess… Thought it was just a crush or something 'till last year told me that it really wasn't a childish crush at all…" Harry muttered quietly, still not daring to look into her eyes. His chest felt awfully numb for saying that out loud to her.

Harry never knew how he could know it, but somehow, the corner of his eyes told him that Hermione was _smiling_ at his words. She shook her head at her memory of last years before saying something Harry was sure his feeling towards Ron would never be the same anymore.

"Me, too, Harry. I did not realize how I truly felt about him 'till he abandoned us last month. I mean, you could never really be aware of your true feeling 'till someone you knew you might have fallen for was missing from your grasp, could you?" Something about how cheerful and light her voice sounded to Harry's ears made his chest suddenly ache.

"Yeah. I got that same situation too with Ginny last year. I mean, when she was kissing Dean… Thought she was just like my sister like Ron felt about her, but… it felt strange for just a sister…… I never know how a brother should feel towards a sister after all…" His tone, harry knew, had to be successful in sounding light and cool though he knew his chest felt like it was gonna explode for any moment now, for Hermione's was even lighter.

"I know… It was all too strange till you manage to find out what it really was all about…." Hermione said lightly, totally unaware of the sound of his raged breath and the beats that came from Harry's heart.

"Yeah…." Harry finally managed to say after licking up his dry lips. His chest was bloody numb right now hearing her words and knowing her feeling for Ron. It did not help him any better at all. An uncomfortable pregnant silence once again engulfed them before he dared himself to step a little further to this conversation.

"So… you've finally realized it too, then? You… somehow are in love with him…? With… Ron?"

His voice was hung in the air for several seconds he was sure to feel like an hour. He did not dare to look at her while asking that loud, preventing himself from the worst final statement he knew might mess up his insides. His gaze was straight to the view before him and he was bloody thankful for his choice because what Hermione said next was the worst words he had ever remembered to hear from her.

"I guess… yes, Harry… I mean… What is it after all if I can never tell and describe what and how it really is…?"

He licked his lips some times more, making a trivial movement or gesture so he would always be sure he had not got a stroke at all.

"Yeah… I guess… you're right. You should probably tell him by the way. I mean… it's not healthy isn't it to hide feelings from someone you really wanna tell to…? I'm perfectly okay with it, Hermione if you go on with that… I mean, don't worry about anything else… I guess I know where to position myself after all…"

"You'll always have us, Harry…You'll always have me… and I will, anyway. But not now… there are still many things we should do, Harry. I'll tell him that after this ends… And we three can make it, Harry. I know you can make it. I just feel it. And I'm positive about it."

And with that, she took his hand once more and squeezed it tightly, trying to give him some strength and assurance she had always felt for him. He was hesitated at first, but then brought his face to her smiling one, and met the eyes he knew would drown into an unending misery of his tragic life. He kept staring at those shiny brown pools that had so many times assured him and encouraged him, searching for any hope that might still be there for him, gulping and resisting the hot sensation he felt upon his eyes, trying to swallow all pain he was feeling for knowing he would slowly lose her to Ron, for knowing the three of them would finally split between Ron-Hermione and him…

And when he did not find one, Harry knew he had known one thing

He was ruined…

He had been ruined…

_I don't think I have the same opinion with you, Hermione…_

His words sound heart-breaking even for his own head.

_But if I'll never make it, I swear I'll bring him with me._

_I swear I'll keep you and Ron safe from this horrible suffering… _

_I swear I'll make you guys live the worth-to-live world once again… _

_With only your happiness and feeling, with no me at all in the way . . ._

They both kept staring at each other's eyes, and Harry knew he had found something there, in those deep honey brown eyes, that he would not be that happy in seeing her with Ron, that he could not be happy for her and Ron. This young lady had somehow given up everything she had for him all this time, this particular best friend had helped him through hard times he had never hoped to be in for, and now, seeing her fingers caressing the back of his hand with a gesture he was sure to be the most sincere she could muster, pictures of her role for him in Hogwarts played silently in his head while an unseen hand he had never been sure to be able to feel got to his already numb chest, grip his fast-beating heart roughly, and squeezed it ever more tightly, leaving unmentionable pain for Harry to feel, knowing that his best friend had somehow 'gone' forever from his six years and a half sweet dream……

.com/watch?v=DftPpC3L760

**Soooooo, what do you think of it guys??? Yay I know I borrow that link from a great fanmade vid of Harmony author SVEven star to make it look real to play in your head :D cause it really was something I really meant to look like in Harry's brain hhehe! Pls tell me what u think!**

**(i don't know whay it looks like that guys here, the link i mean :s just try go to and add that link right behind 'youtube'. Get what i mean dont u?)  
**

7


	4. Chapter 4

**Heyya Harmonians :D ! Wy too long for waiting this chappie, right? I'm sorry, I'm sorry… College's naver been easy, you know that? This is the climax of the series, I hope you like it ! ****Just tell me what you think!**

**Chapter 4**

**_Emily will find a better place to fall asleep  
She belongs to fairy tales that I could never be  
The future haunts with memories that I could never have  
And hope is just a stranger wondering how it got so bad_**

I die each time you look away  
My heart, my life will never be the same  
This love will take my everything  
One breath, one touch will be the end of me

You could be the final straw that brings me back to earth  
Ever-waiting airports full of the love that you deserve  
Wishing I could find a way to wash away the past  
Knowing that my heart will break,  
At least the pain will last

I die each time you look away  
My heart, my life will never be the same  
This love will take my everything  
One breath, one touch will be the end of me

Emily will find a better place to fall asleep  
Maybe she will save me in the oceans of her dream  
And maybe someday love  
Maybe someday love  
Maybe someday love

**OST FanVID: youtube**

**.com/watch?v=SChoMVSymVM**

_Pain. _

_Hot._

_Airless. _

_Stuffy._

_Damp._

_Blood. _

_Pain._

_Pain._

_Pain._

_Pain._

_Pain._

_Burnt. His head feels burnt. Throbbing. Prodding. Hot. Sick. Hurt. Nauseous. Blood. So much blood. A paled-tall-shining man stood towering before him. Smirking at him. Watching him. Entering him. Possessing him…_

_A young woman convulsing on the floor. Blood sprouting from her body. Silent, dying in silence._

_Suddenly, a high-pitched-desperate scream tears the air…._

_He couldn't take it._

_He couldn't stand it._

_Pain._

_His head is burnt._

_Definitely burnt…_

"HARRY!!!"

Harry woke tossing from his spot. Sweat covered his body from head to toes, yet he was trembling and shivering as hell. He was trying to find who was calling, but the view before him – clear enough that he needn't looking for his glasses- hit him with feeling he was never really sure what to call. A pair of tear-filled brown eyes were hovering above him, watching him so neatly that he couldn't even concentrate on other things.

"Hermione," he called her name, voice barely above a whisper, ready to throw his arms around her full-health figure when a pair of other arms suddenly enveloped the girl around her back.

"Another nightmare, mate?" asked a voice from a red-haired figure hugging the girl Harry was sure still observed him carefully.

With raging breath and shivering body, he turned to his left trying to find his glasses even though he did know that the view before him might not be less hurt than the one in his nightmare. He spotted it easily on the desk beside his bunk, and soon wore it on his face. Two worried face were now watching him neatly.

"I'm fine," he blurted easily as though the scream he had just shouted was really nothing.

An uneasy cold feeling was creeping on his body. Slowly but sure, he knew he would be trembling and shivering much more than he was now. His hands automatically flew to his forehead, rubbing and pressing a certain spot he was so sure was on fire right now. It was impossible to have such pain unless it was burnt.

Nauseous hit his full-like—yet-empty stomach. Harry knew this was just nothing compared to the increasing of the pain and cold itself. And he was not in the mood to be an experiment object worth to be observed neatly by his two best friends who were now clearly aware that he was not fine at all.

"It's my turn, now, right? Here Hermione, let me do my watch time. You guys just rest, now. I'm fine," and with that, he grabbed the wand the girl was holding, stood up from his bed, and walked out from the tent in just few long steps, leaving his best friends agape and could not find words to ask something further about his state.

Harry sat on his usual spot on watch time, crossed his legs, and closed his eyes, fully concentrating so that he could control not to shout out loud due to the burning pain that was covering his head right now. He was trembling from head to toe, sweat kept running on his pale skin, contrast to the snow falling upon him, but not knowing of how to stop the pain.

It had been the fifth time now. Nightmare followed by this bloody condition. Each time must be worse from the last time. And he had no clue at all how to close his mind from thinking about _him, _some evil _thing _that had ruined his life ever since he was a baby.

_Damn Harry you've got to stop this! It's not good at all… It really is not good at all… You're not him, you know that? You're NOT him! STOP thinking about him! STOP THINKING ABOUT HOW AND WHAT HE'S THINKING!!!_

"Harry? You're alright?" A soft-full of concern voice distracted him from his effort in concentrating. He opened his eyes and turned to right, seeing the girl stood before the flap of the tent, some girl who was just moments ago _convulsing to death _in his dream.

"Hermione? What are you doing? I'm fine… It's just a dream, I'm sorry to startle you and Ron…"

Even for his own ears, he knew his voice sounded too weak.

_Great Potter, don't ever hope she'll go to bed now hearing your pathetic voice like that! _Harry cursed mentally for realizing what would happen next.

_This is the first time she saw you like this, Thick Head! She's not gonna let you go before you spill your full story to her tonight…_

Hermione Granger stepped forward toward him right after his mind's last word spoke. Harry turned his face away from her, burying his face on his knees so that she would not see the scar that was throbbing dreadfully right now.

He was sure tonight was gonna be a very long night…

He did not have any power from hiding his shivering from Hermione sitting on his right.

"Are you cold, Harry? Your-"

"I'm Fine!" Harry cut her words harshly, his voice was clear despite his head and face's position that did not look supported him well enough to speak clearly.

Hermione stopped abruptly, clearly taken aback by his reaction. She frowned at his bending yet trembling body, asking herself why in the name of Merlin Harry hid his face from her when he clearly knew that she was speaking to him. She knew there had to be one reason: His scar.

"It's hurt again, isn't it?" she dared herself to ask the point to him. Harry hugged his knees more tightly and buried his face more deeply.

"No…"

"Harry, I'm talking to you-"

"I'm not deaf…"

"Then why would you bury your face like that? I just want to-"

"I can still listen, Hermione. Just go ahead if you want to speak…"

She stopped replying. Instead, observing him more neatly to know what exactly was wrong with him. She looked at his back, his head, his shoulder, his hands… before concluding one thing that looked so obvious from the very first place.

"Harry, you're freezing! You're shivering! It'll be worse if you stay outside in snow like this. Let's go inside-"

"No! No, 'Mione. I'm fine. Nothing's wrong. Trust me I'm fine."

"No, Harry. You're obviously not. So stop hiding from me like that-"

"I'm not hiding anything!"

"Then look at me now!"

"No!"

"Harry, you're freezing now! Your skin's so cold! You can catch hypothermia if stay here much longer."

"I won't, I assure you."

"Harry, please. You're not fine at all-"

"Stop touching me like that Hermione I'm not a child you should examine!"

"Then would you please look at me to show me you're really fine!"

"FINE!"

And with that, he raised his face so that she could see him clearly. A decision which, actually just done because of emotion, would not help him at all from sending her away as he was so deathly pale now, yet eyes blazing with anger he was not sure why come and scar throbbing unnormally.

"Harry, please… We both don't want anything bad will happen to you, let's just-"

"No, 'Mione I'm fine! Can't you please see it?? I'm not freezing I'm just not that well today, just a bit cold, a bit freeze, if you'd like to call it that way, but-"

He did not have any chance to finish his words for Hermione suddenly threw her body at him, circling her arms around his shivering shoulder and tightening her embrace, pressing her body to him while burying her face on his neck.

"What are you do-"

"Just hug me back, Harry. Please, just... just squeeze me back… just hug me back… stop talking, okay? You're so cold, you need your strength to warm… just hug me back, Harry, please…"

"Where's Ron?"

For a moment he could not hide his true thought from her. He regretted it as soon as it came out of his mouth, hoping that Hermione would not take it too seriously, that actually there was _something _behind his abrupt question. She did not respond for a moment, but then answered clearly.

"Already asleep… now Harry!"

"You're sure?"

"Positive"

"Hermione, I don't need this-"

"JUST HUG ME BACK NOW!"

Having no choice and not being in a state to debate her over, he covered his arms tightly around her body, squeezing and pressing her firmly to his body, realizing just how cold he really was that her body felt so warm in his arms.

"Like… this?" he asked shyly.

"Tighter, Harry… Just squeeze me back… Tighten your body… Save your strength… Just concentrate…"

He tightens his embrace to her, having no idea what would Ron do when he saw them snuggling each other like that, having no memory if he had ever hugged somebody that tight, that close, that warm…

He buried his face to her shoulder, trying so hard to stop her shivering and control his body not to tremble.

_How I miss this place so much…_

_Oh yeah, you sure do! You never hug her back anyway, it's always been her hugging you first_

_I've never hugged anybody this close before…_

_Not even your mother…_

_It's Hermione, Potter…_

_I know… Never know it was this warm…_

"How are you feeling now?" her sudden voice opened his eyes from his thought.

"Much…better…"

"Yeah? But you're still shivering…"

"Not that much, is it?"

"You're sure?"

"Positive…"

He felt her lips smile on his skin. And he smiled back on her shoulder.

"Remember the day you gave me my first hug?" Harry asked bluntly, suddenly remembering a meaningful memory deeply buried in his mind for so long ago.

"When?" she asked back, clearly having no idea where this conversation would lead her to.

"In the first year, when I was going to go for Quarrel…"

"I never knew it was your first hug, Harry…" she cut his words, surprised to hear his genuine statement she had just found out.

Her voice sounded surprised, and Harry could not hide his smile from hearing that.

"Yeah, you do now…"

"I said the right thing, didn't I…"

"You always do, anyway…"

"You're a great wizard, Harry… You really are…"

"Not as great as you…"

"Me? Just books and cleverness…There are more than just those things, Harry…"

"What?"

"Friendship…"

"And Bravery…"

Soft laughs quietly escaped from their mouth, each drowning in their own mind about something happening in what-looked-like a century ago. How he wished he could be back there once more… away from Voldemort, away from war, away from _Ron…._

His smile quickly disappeared at the mentioning of the red haired boy. An uneasy feeling, mixture between sad and pain hit him right in the chest, making him suddenly jerk his body away from her.

"I'm fine, now, thanks 'Mione."

And with that he sat back on his spot earlier, ignoring confuse expression Hermione was still wearing on her face. His head pointed toward and straight, even though his eyes were not focused at anything at all, his right hand gripped the illuminating wand so tight, as though it could send burning pain he felt on his scar. His tongue felt bitter and he knew he was not in a health state at all.

Several silence seconds just passed with their awkward positions like that, before Hermione decided to sit down next to him, watched him. Hesitated, she tried to open her mouth and spoke to him.

"Harry, is everyth-"

"Yes, Hermione. I'm fine. Everything's fine," said Harry straightly, face still pointed towards, completely ignoring her presence.

She nodded her head, unclear for what reason, but obviously becoming more and more hesitated every second she continued to keep silent and just sat there like a statue, being completely ignored by a person she thought was hiding something very big from her.

When neither of them dared to speak again, and Hermione still stayed there for Merlin-Knew-Why, Harry decided to ask her it.

"You're not in?"

"No, Harry. Well, I mean… not now anyway, I'm not sleepy," said Hermione watching her own feet, arms hugging her own body.

"Yeah? I'm not sick or anything if that's what you're so concerned about,"

"You said yourself you're not that _well _earlier, if you still remember that…"

This time, she raised her chin, locking her gaze to his, causing him gulp and feel panic in seeking reason to get out from what she might talk next.

"Yeah… so…?"

"So I'm sure you're hiding something from me and Ron…"

_Aren't you both the ones who hide SOMETHING BIG from me, huh?_

"I'm not…"

"Yes you are, Harry. You've never been such a good liar… at least not to me… have you?"

The tension, Harry felt, raised from there. He knew tonight their conversation would not end quickly. Like what always happened recently, when he desperately tried his best to ignore her whenever he could unless it was about their hunt.

Feeling so sure he would next be interrogated further, Harry strengthened his gaze to her, wearing an expression between angry and stubborn.

"I'm not lying,"

"Yes you are…."

"Then I'm afraid I have disappointed you, Hermione. I'm not hiding anything. If I were, you could just spot it and read it easily without having to ask me-"

"I spot it, Harry-"

"Then I must say that for the first time in your life you're completely wrong!"

She looked taken aback by his reaction, eyes wide and mouth agape, but could yet do nothing to response. Time went by with an uneasy silence before she broke it first.

"Are you-"

"No, I'm not, I'm not angry… just… just don't feel that well… you know…… You just go first Hermione, it's been so late, you're gonna need your strength tomorrow… You've done your watch time, so just let me replace it, okay? I'm-I'm sorry for that… didn't mean to be rude or anything…"

He forced to turn to her and try his best to give her a mimic he'd intend as a gentle smile, which, according to her expression seeing it, it looked like none other than _weak-pain-resisting _expression. She was silent at first, making him sure that she'd go inside by smiling back, when the words she said next made him so surprised and feel as if he had _hit _the very stony wall.

"You've not eaten anything tonight, Harry…"

His smile quickly vanished, soon replaced by a frown on his brows. He opened and closed his mouth, feeling so agape that his brain could not find the best words to say.

"Well… I have actually…"

"No, you haven't, probably didn't, or don't, or won't anymore…"

This time, he knew where this conversation may lead.

_Damn Granger can't you just let it go and go after Ron?_

_She's Hermione Granger, Potter. When did you ever escape from her observation anyway?_

_I'm not a scientific object or something to learn…_

_At least, you're more than that to her anyway…_

_MORE? What do you mean MORE? She has Ron now…_

_You feel sore when remember that, don't you?_

_What for?_

_For eventually watch them kiss below the tree-_

"Harry? Is everything alright?" she asked him

"What? Oh yeah-yeah… sorry, just… just thinking about something…" her voice snapped him from his inner debate with his brain.

"About what may I know?"

"Uhmm… Well… Hermione I'm sorry not to take food you made but-"

"Always consider a glass of milk can replace it well, don't you?"

"What? Oh… Well… Er- Actually I'm just not in the mood of taking any food, Hermione… Uneasy stomach, you know?"

"For almost two weeks?"

_She really has observed you well, Mr. Potter…_

Harry, feeling struck as if having just hit the very hard wall, was speechless for a moment. There was nothing about him that Hermione did not know…

He did realize that all this time _only this particular girl _had always been stick with him at whatever he was doing, whatever he was planning. But never in a second time in his life did Harry ever imagine that she really _knew him right from head to toe_. Surprised as he was, a sweet smile suddenly crept on his lips, feeling so lucky to have someone like Hermione _stick _to him all this time.

_What would I be now if I never saved you from Troll in the first year, Hermione?_

"You watch it huh?"

He said it lightly, grinning at her, hoping she would grin back to him. But when she did not, his smile quickly vanished from his lips.

"What's wrong?"

"You think I'd laugh about you not getting enough food in this freezing weather, Harry, in our _great adventure_?"

Her expression calmed, yet her voice and expression tensed, Harry could read. Again, Harry _hit the wall._

"Uhm… Well… I-"

"It's not funny at all to know your best friend might hide his real condition to you, Harry,"

"I'm not hiding anything, Hermione, please…"

"What would you call it then? You might not 'hide' it from me but you kept ignoring me and Ron unless it's something about Horcrux or-"

"Did I? Did I ignore you both or actually is it me being the one completely ignored by the two of you unless it's something important enough to discuss about?"

Words that Harry had never thought would ever spill from his mouth before her suddenly flew innocently, unwantedly. This time, he was sure, Hermione really unexpected this response she got from him. And Harry knew he had gone way too far, but couldn't take it any longer to say it out loud before her face. She opened and closed her mouth for several times, unsure how and what to react. But Harry knew, if he still wanted to know and brought this sensitive topic in the air, this would be the only chance to do it, without Ron hovering above them. Her face got redder and redder yet she remained agape.

"I-I… Harry-I… what do you mean-"

"I always believe you're not that thick, Hermione. And I know you're not…. Just stay calm, okay? I'm not about to burst angry or something… Just take it easy…"

He took her hand and squeezed it tightly, sending assurance for her to calm down and not panic like that, as though he would explode because of it or something…

_Which actually you have inside yourself, you know that?_

_I never explode…_

_Your heart does, did, maybe will in any minutes…_

_I don't know……. I…… never know……._

"I just wanna know how it really feels… You know you both have never hidden anything from me before…right? We're best friends, the three of us… Have been for nearly seven years… remember? But if it's not going to be the trio anymore-"

"What do you mean not gonna be the trio anymore, Harry?" Hermione cut him fast, clearly shown how surprised she really was when hearing his words. Her mimic tensed, watching him attentively.

"You know exactly what I mean, don't you Hermione?" Harry asked her back, unexpectedly wearing a soft smile as his expression.

"What?? No… Harry I-"

"I've said I'd be happy for both of you haven't I? I've given my blessing for you and Ron, haven't I, Hermione? I've even said _how brilliant _you both really are, back in the end of our sixth year, remember?"

His tone, Harry knew, had to sound _pathetic and weak _in front of her. Somehow he even suspected if it sounded sarcastic to her ears. He hated it, but what can you do while saying something so heart-breaking while at the same time feeling as if your head will explode for its horrible pain?

He lowered his gaze, to the joining fingers of theirs, smiling through pain while realizing how small and warm her hand was, contrast to his cold sweat covering his skin.

_This hand has held you so many times, Harry. This very hand has great history of holding and grabbing you all this time. Been always warm… been always sincere… been giving so many sacrifice just for your sake… And later will be Ron's right to hold forever he wanted…_

Hot-burning yet watery sensation stabbed the back of his eyes. An unclear ache that had never been before suddenly sat on his chest, making him feel hard to breath, but he knew he had to keep breathing, he had to be _unaffected _with these pains, for sacrificing just one tiny little thing for this girl who had several times stepped before him to protect him, to be so willingly sacrifice her own life just for his sake, and yet he had never done anything so equal to her…

"Harry I-"

"You needn't feel guilty or something, 'Mione. I'm happy, absolutely happy… I just… Well… As you had always done to me all this time… I've… noticed… and I don't mind at all… not at all…"

"I… Well… Harry this is completely out of our main topic-"

"No it's not…. It's relating anyway…"

She frowned at him.

"I mean… in some… ways…"

He forced his eyes to meet hers; desperately pushing the tears back to his eyes. Green melted with brown. For several seconds they just locked gaze and became completely speechless. Each had something in the backs of their heads, to be thought, to be considered, to be wanted to speak out loud. Harry forced his lips to smile and ask something slapping Hermione's face.

"How does it feel anyway? Not to bicker with him anymore? Just to be gentle with each other? How does it feel, Hermione? How does it feel to finally feel kiss him??"

As though thrown a big-juicy-red-tomato was thrown right on her face, Hermione suddenly grew so red that Harry almost thought she was going to sick. For several times she opened and close her mouth, no word came from her already opened mouth, before it finally closed again, definitely _shock _to hear his words. She tore her gaze away from him, letting go of his hand from hers, clearly shock to hear his words this time.

But Harry remained calmed. His appearance was cool enough that no one would ever guess how fast his heart actually was beating now.

"I-… Harry I-…"

"Hermione, it's fine. Hey, it's okay. No need to feel uneasy I have known for so long, _everyone _has known for so long that _this _is going to happen somehow. I don't know how to explain it but I guess I've known it ever since I met you guys on my first train to Hogwarts. Hermione, trust me I'm fully okay with it and if you wan-"

"I…We…I…I mean We…I…"

Somehow, he could still smile seeing her _cute _figure like that.

_This is the first time you see Hermione Jane Granger lost words, Mr. Potter. Well done…_

"I fully understand that neither of you nor Ron intended to make me feel ignored, somehow, but-"

"HE KISSED ME FIRST HARRY I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS COMING-"

"Yeah, and you kissed him back and I guess that-"

"But…But Harry that's-"

"-not the main point, I know. We are not discussing how amazing your first kiss with him actually feels, remember?"

This time she really closed her eyes and shook her head stubbornly, as though still having inner debate with his main Harry could not tell what it was all actually about.

"Hermione look," he took her hand and squeezed it tightly, still wearing his best smile he could ever wear.

Slowly she stopped shaking her head and opened her eyes to him. Harry mentally cursed for realizing how really cute she actually was now: she nearly cried. When she had finally locked gaze with him, he began to speak softly to her.

"You know I never mind with you doing _anything _with Ron, don't you?"

Carefully, she nodded her head.

"And you also know that I have never felt bad about it, right?"

"But you said yourself earlier that you feel ignored-"

"Not by what you are doing, Hermione. Not because of it…."

"Then because of what?" she asked quickly as her genuine respond to his statement that somehow made her feel worse for not fully understanding what he meant.

"Because of my brain, my mind, because of me, and me alone…."

He ended his sentence rather dramatically, leaving Hermione feeling dumbfounded and confused by what he was talking about. Harry did not understand completely what he had said had affected how she thought. He was not that aware, for his mind had started torturing him for thinking what he really had not needed to think about.

"Harry?" her soft voice woke him from his muse.

"Yeah?"

"You know you do hide something from me, don't you? Something you want to tell but at the same time you feel doubt to do it?"

He turned his head to her, feeling more hesitated than ever. Here she was, standing beside him, knowing that something had disturbed him, and was willing to listen to every word he was going to say if he would want to spill his story. This same girl who had done the same thing again and again, the same person he would always turn to whenever he needed to tell someone about his opinion, his expectation about certain problem he actually never intended to let other people in but finally decided to choose her as the best listener he could always be proud of. Their eyes met and Harry knew he couldn't resist it any longer.

_And you're gonna make her run away frantically as soon as you say it, Potter_

_She's Hermione, she's not gonna run and leave me behind_

_Yeah? You wanna bet on that? This is Hermione Granger you bet about_

_I'm not gonna do that_

_Then just stop considering telling her everything before you did something so regrettable that you don't even wanna finish this hunting task !_

_Has she somehow thought about it?_

_You would never know, would you?_

_What if I'm searching the answer on my own?_

_By doing what Potter? By asking her straightly 'Excuse me Hermione, have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe I am actually the seventh Horcrux and has to be killed immediately?'_

_Is it good?_

_NOT AT ALL MR. THICK HEAD !!!_

"Harry?"

"People sometimes just don't feel ready to spill their feelings out, Hermione. People are just…so confusing sometimes, that they don't really know what they've been stressed for, what they've been… you know… thinking… not sure how come this or that thing suddenly becomes their problem…."

His words just flew without anticipation, without much consideration.

Hermione observed him more carefully; her head was filled with words ready to yell at him for keeping a distance between them, for _pushing _her slowly from his life. She knew that deep inside he would not want to do it, but somehow, whatever his problem was, it must be much more complicated than what she might have predicted.

She rubbed the back of his hand; her small hand looked small against his. Oddly, it felt cold against her palm, Hermione knew. He was not feeling well at all.

"So you think you're one of them, now, don't you Harry?" her soft voice was not successful in hiding her sadness knowing the fact she had just said, Harry felt.

He turned to her, but Hermione was still _busy _watching their joined hands. Harry followed his gaze, and then put the hand she was rubbing on hers, covering and enveloping it with his fingers. Somehow, he never wanted to let go of this hand which felt so warm in his.

"You can understand, right?"

"You want me to?"

"What else should I hope from you, 'Mione? You know you've always been the very first person I would run to whenever I want to share my feeling, right?"

"But not gonna be the _very first _person anymore, am I right Harry?" she raised her face at the same time he did the same thing. She knew her voice might have startled him for sounding a little bit higher and tensed than needed. She challenged his gaze, she knew he was thinking over about her words, might have been ready to deny her words, but Hermione knew it was no use. She had already known that his problem now suddenly had become hers, too.

But when suddenly he tore his gaze away from hers without any word to say, she knew that his inner debate within his mind was way more complicated than she had predicted.

"What?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Hermione-"

"You're not that thick, Harry, I do believe in that-"

"What do you want, Hermione?" his voice was harsh yet painful to hear. She knew he had had more than enough pressure he could endure without her adding more to him.

"Just to make sure that what my mind says is right: that you're closing yourself from me…"

Harry gulped. Here she was, the girl, young lady he wanted to push away but at the same time wanted to hold back and never let go.

_But she is Ron's, now, not mine or ours at all… She's fully his, now…_

_But you still need her to be close as hell_

_Yes, But I can't let it happen…_

_Why? You think you're gonna be able to face Voldemort without her at all?_

"And what is the problem in that? What if it is right?" his mouth stubbornly said the words his tongue and mind had held back. He did not care anymore if that sentence might break her heart just to hear the words. He did not care anymore if the words he had just said might hurt her as hell. He had broken finding out about her and Ron. He had been ruined with the possibility that he might have been the last horcrux, a body born and grown up as Harry James Potter but still held the remaining of _his _soul. A part of him wanted to scream and shouted at her for never knowing what his problems actually were, what kind of things that had disturbed his sleep and normal mind. He wanted to blame her for still being able to have good time with Ron.

_Why does it have to be me?_

"I guess I'm not used to the pain I feel for knowing that fact," her voice trembled with bitterness and pain. Harry brought his eyes to hers, and felt so surprised seeing clear watery brown pool she was holding back. Her jaws trembled and her body started to shake.

_Dear Merlin, you're very brilliant Mr. Potter for making her cry now…_

"I suggested you get used to it from now, then…"

"You don't mean your words, Harry-"

"And what would make you say that??? Do I look like having a joke with you, now?"

She was trembling fiercely now, her first tear finally gave up and flew down her right cheek.

"Why Harry? Why? Is it because of something I've done? Is it because of something Ron and I have done? Tell me!"

"It's not my obligation to-"

"THERE HAS TO BE A REASON, HARRY! THERE HAS TO BE AN EXPLANATION!"

"AND WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO IF I WILL NEVER TELL YOU THE REASON? WHAT IF I WILL NEVER GIVE YOU AN EXPLANATION? "

Fierce anger suddenly filled his chest. Harry could not endure his unreasonable temper anymore. His emerald eyes blazed with anger. Oddly, it was getting worse when their eyes met. She looked ready to cry. Her tears were now running freely down her cheeks. Her expression was defeated. For several seconds, they just locked gaze without saying anything.

"We're best friends, Harry, for nearly seven years, remember?" her full-of-bitterness voice suddenly break the agonizing silence between the two.

"So what? So what if I do remember that my willingness to save you from Troll back on our first year made us best friends for nearly seven years? Best friends don't always tell each other about problems they don't wanna share, do they? Best friends have no obligation to _report _each other what has happened to one of them, do they?"

"But best friends don't hurt each other, Harry, remember?"

"I've told you you've got to use to the pain, Hermione! I'm not your child, I'm not your little brother you should watch and pay attention to for 24 hours a day, for Merlin Sake!!!"

"what's going on here?"

A third voice startled them coming from Hermione's back. His tall and red-haired figure stood before the tent's flap. He was frowning looking at them with confusion clearly shone on his rather sleepy blue eyes.

_What kind of voice that is able to wake Ronald Weasley from his sleep?_

_Are you gonna keep sleeping if you heard your girlfriend's voice crying, Potter?_

_His girlfriend… Hermione… Crying… Right…_

_Yeah, and that's because of you, you know that?_

_I do this for their own good, for her own good…_

_So what? So that she will finally give up and stay away from you?_

_I hope so…_

_So that she will never be close to someone she knows as her best friend and brother but actually a piece of Voldemort?_

_SHUT UP! I'm not HIM!_

_Keep denying it, Harry, you really are the bravest boy ever live on earth…_

"Nothing, Ron. Nothing's happening," her trembling voice did not sound so good on the boy's ears, even though she did not face him. He knew something was wrong with his girl, if not with his best friend, who was now breathing heavily and looked to her-to them, with blazing eyes. He came toward her and quickly circled his arm on her back. She stiffened a little against his touch, but desperately trying to rub away her tears.

"Hey, what's wrong? 'Mione? You're sick?"

_'Mione?? 'Mione?? So that's her 'darling' name now, huh?? He has never called her that before!_

_Who are you to judge, Harry?_

She shook his head assuring, trying to look as light as she could be. She did not want to make this problem more complicated than it should have knew Harry would not be happy having this business with Ron. And she knew Ron would get overreacted to Harry and then she would not succeed in _winning _this pull-and-push game with Harry.

But whatever she was doing to make sure that they were okay, she knew Harry did not help at all. He was now watching them with anger and dissatisfaction. He did not even try to soften it. His raging breath was the only assuring reason that made Ron more and more suspicious to them both.

"I guess she is, Ron. Just bring her back to her supposed place in tent as you're already here," his words made Ron tear his gaze away from her to look at him. His expression was unreadeable, but Harry knew he was having a battle within himself, whether or not he should blame him for his girlfriend's state.

"What's going on, Harry? I heard your shout earlier…" Ron said with a deep voice. Hermione could sense that he forced himself to calm.

"Yeah? Really? About what if I may know?"

"That you shouted at her… Saying rude words to her…"

"Then I guess the best way to find out what's going on here is asking your pathetic girl yourself-"

"DON'T YOU DARE CALLING HER PATHETIC AFTER WHAT YOU HAD DONE TO HER OR-"

"OR WHAT RON? OR WHAT? YOU'RE GONNA HEX ME? JUST DO IT THEN! HERE, I WASTE MY WAND. IT'S YOU GIRL'S WAND, RIGHT? HERE, I'M WANDLESS… WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW, RONALD?"

Ron was now pointing his wand at Harry who was now raising his hands and arms, showing defeated gesture. Ron's hand and arm were trembling of anger he felt to his best mate.

"STOP IT RON! LOWER YOUR WAND, RONALD. I MEAN IT! LOWER YOUR WAND FOR MERLIN SAKE!" Hermione yelled desperately. The last thing she needed now was watching her boyfriend hexed her best friend.

"Let him go, Hermione. Let him go. Let's just see how mature he has actually been now ever since having a good snogging place that coul-"

"EXPELLIARMUS!"

"NO!"

Ron said the spell out loud and clear unexpectedly, sending Harry fly for about five meters away. His body was thrown behind and landed with a loud 'BRAK' on thick snows with face first.

"RON! STOP IT! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING????!!!!" Harry heard her voice yelled hysterically.

"DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE HAS SAID? DID YOU-"

"I SAY STOP IT, RON! STOP IT! DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAY! YOU'LL BE NO HELP IF YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME!"

His ribs felt sore after landing harshly, Harry felt. He was gaining power to turn around when a pair of hands touched his back, ready to help.

"Harry, you're okay? You're alright? Let me-"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I'M NOT A CHILD, HERMIONE???!!! HOW MANY TIMES??? IF YOU REALLY CARE WITH ME THEN PROVE IT FOR GOD SAKE!" He pushed her away with his remaining power. He was trembling from head to toe now, his scar was throbbing fast and hurt as hell. He could not even open his eyes as he fully concentrated to disappear it. His hands flew to his forehead and rubbed the scar impatiently. It was burning, he could feel.

_Hurt him, Harry… Hurt them… You know you can do it… With your power…_

A stranger voice whispered something in his head.

_I'M WANDLESS_

_You still know you can do it… Now Harry… They've hurt you… They don't care about you anymore…_

_JUST GO AWAY! I'M NOT YOU!_

_Come, Harry…. You can join me in a second… And you will feel no pain anymore… Come, Harry…_

"NO! NO I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU! I'M NOT YOU!" Harry screamed frantically to himself. His eyes closed, his body was shivering fiercely, almost convulsing.

"Harry? Harry you're okay?" A girl voice called his name desperately. Her sound was full of tears, Harry knew, even though he could not see her .

Her hands had touched his fore arms but he suddenly yanked them away.

With much difficulty, he forced his body to stand up and resisted the burning pain on his scar.

_Just go away, just go away, just go away_

Suddenly the pain stopped, and he opened his eyes. Hermione was shaking from head to toe. Ron was holding her by the waist. Harry could not tell whether it was from the coldness or the crying. He said soothing words to her, but she kept shaking her head, denying whatever Ron was saying to soothe her.

"That best, you've got, big guy??? What??? Gonna hex me with expelliarmus again, aren't you? Don't try it if you don't really remember the spells we have learned together in charm class. You're just going to make yourself embarrassed, you know that? Just take care of your lovely girl if that's the only thing you can do correctly, as correct as make her your snogging doll…"

And with that, he turned around, running as fast as he could, as sure as he was that neither of them was gonna be able to chase him, that he was out of distance of whatever spell Ron wanted to send to him. He had had enough, now…. He had had more than just enough, tonight… Breaking and tearing the only bond he still had with Hermione as true best friend into pieces.

He kept running and running, closing his ears from her heart breaking screaming, her yelling when calling him to get back to them… Her few steps when forcing her body to chase him when stopped by Ron's strong embrace…

Harry had pretended not to hear it a bit….

_I'm sorry, Hermione…_

Tears were now running freely on his cheeks.

_I've never meant this to happen…_

He kept running and running to the forest. He knew he could easily lose his way back, wandless, with empty stomach and warm enough clothes to survive in this weather, but he could just careless.

_I'm sorry… But if this is what's gonna put you and Ron in the very best state from this war, from Voldemort, from me, from my heartbreaking each time I see you two without me being able to sneak in, I'll do whatever it takes, I'll do whatever it takes…_

Slowly, his steps became slower and slower. His knees suddenly felt weak to bring his body run. In a very cold weather in a middle of forest in midnight, Harry James Potter could not go on anymore. His feet hit a big trunk and he fell down to the snow, in the darkness.

_Come Harry… And we will make a great team… An amazing duo to kill whoever having hurt you…_

_No…_

_Come, Harry…_

"_But I'm not as great as you…"_

"_Me? Just Books and cleverness? There are more than just those things…"_

"_What?"_

"_Friendship… and bravery…"_

The girl's voice was the last thing he heard before he fell to the complete darkness. Dark hooded figures suddenly came out from the back of trees. Harry never knew that they were there. Harry never knew that they were watching. Harry never knew what they had just done to his best friends behind. And Harry never knew when their hands raised his body to be brought to a certain place…

Video OST **.com/watch?v=n1d6XUgmFJk THANKS TO SVevenstar:D**

**soooooooooooooooooooo what do you think? i understand if maybe u wanna hit me for writing such a disgusting chappie, and sorry for whatever grammar mistakes I'VE MADE...:( I'm not a native speaker, u see hhehe :) i jist did my best... so pls tell me what do u think:) feel free to contact me ! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_**You change the sound of my name**_

_**A moment of truth that I saw in your face**_

_**It hurts inside, A moment this vile**_

_**That you brought to life**_

_**All the roads lead back to you **_

_**Give me something to return to**_

_**In your heart**_

_**I fear nothing but to leave here**_

_**Without you for life**_

_**We were left in this world for each other**_

_**But I can't run from the fate**_

_**I've been fighting for so long **_

_**You made me who I am**_

_**Until the dawn of time I have... **_

_**...walked alone**_

_**You tied up a storm**_

_**When all hope was lost**_

_**But time revolves**_

_**I have to let go **_

_**What never meant to be **_

_**Give me something to return to in your heart**_

_**I fear nothing but to leave here**_

_**Without you for life **_

_**We were left in this world for each other**_

_**But I can't run from the fate I've been fighting for so long **_

_**Give me something to return to in your heart**_

_**I fear nothing but to leave here**_

_**Without you for life **_

_**Give me something to return to in your heart**_

_**I fear nothing but to leave here**_

_**Without you for life **_

_**We were left in this world for each other**_

_**But I can't run from the fate I've been fighting for so long **_

_**We were left in this world for each other**_

_**I can't run from the fate I've been fighting for so long**_

**FANvid OST youtube**

.com/watch?v=TXMz2H_1tmk

It was like sinking into an old nightmare; for an instant Harry knelt again beside Dumbledore's body at the foot of the tallest tower at Hogwarts, but in reality he was staring at a tiny body curled upon the grass, pierced by Bellatrix's silver knife. Harry's voice was still saying, "Dobby . . . _Dobby _. . ." even though he knew that the elf had gone where he could not call him back.

After a minute or so he realized that they had, after all, come to the right place, for here were Bill and Fleur, Dean and Luna, gathering around him as he knelt over the elf.

"Hermione?" he said suddenly, reminded by the pain clearly shaped on her face the last time he faced her hours ago. The tears that had been held back on the back of his eyes suddenly felt more sore and stinging than ever. His chest felt heavy and his throat was horribly sore.

"Where is she?"

"Ron's taken her inside," said Bill.

"She'll be all right."

_He is all she needs right now, Ron is the right person she would always hope for being beside her . . ._

_But of course she might just hope for you, too, Harry_

_No… Never…_

Harry pushed his thought back and looked back down at Dobby. He stretched out a hand and pulled the sharp blade from the elf 's body, then dragged off his own jacket and covered Dobby in it like a blanket. The sea was rushing against rock somewhere nearby; Harry listened to it while the others talked, discussing matters in which he could take no interest, making decisions. Dean carried the injured Griphook into the house, Fleur hurrying with them; now Bill was making suggestions about burying the elf. Harry agreed without really knowing what he was saying. As he did so, he gazed down at the tiny body, and his scar prickled and burned, and in one part of his mind, viewed as if from the wrong end of a long telescope, he saw Voldemort punishing those they had left behind at Malfoy Manor.

His rage was dreadful and yet Harry's grief for Dobby seemed to diminish it, so that it became a distant storm that reached Harry from across a vast, silent ocean.

"I want to do it properly," were the first words of which Harry was fully conscious of speaking. He knew that that was the only thing he was sure Hermione would do were she there to help, were she there to watch.

_But I'm not doing it because of her, Dobby… I'm just gonna do something she would tell and suggest me to do for your sake…_

"Not by magic. Have you got a spade?"

And shortly afterward he had set to work, alone, digging the grave in the place that Bill had shown him at the end of the garden, between bushes. He dug with a kind of fury, relishing the manual work, glorying in the non-magic of it, for every drop of his sweat and every blister felt like a gift to the elf who had saved their lives.

His scar burned, but he was master of the pain; he felt it, yet was apart from it. He had learned control at last, learned to shut his mind to Voldemort, the very thing Dumbledore had wanted him to learn from Snape.

Just as Voldemort had not been able to possess Harry while Harry was consumed with grief for Sirius, so his thoughts could not penetrate Harry now, while he mourned Dobby. Grief, it seemed, drove Voldemort out . . . though Dumbledore, of course, would have said that it was love. . . .

_ Just about love, Harry… Just above love… There's no explanation what kind of love that was actually meant…_

He smiled through his blurred vision because of tears.

On Harry dug, deeper and deeper into the hard, cold earth, subsuming his grief in sweat, denying the pain in his scar. In the darkness, with nothing but the sound of his own breath and the rushing sea to keep him company, the things that had happened at the Malfoys' returned to him, the things he had heard came back to him, and understanding blossomed in the darkness. . .

The steady rhythm of his arms beat time with his thoughts. Hallows . . . Horcruxes . . . Hallows . . . Horcruxes . . . Yet he no longer burned with that weird, obsessive longing. Loss and fear had snuffed it out: He felt as though he had been slapped awake again. Deeper and deeper Harry sank into the grave, and he knew where Voldemort had been tonight, and whom he had killed in the topmost cell of Nurmengard, and why. . . .

And he thought of Wormtail, dead because of one small unconscious impulse of mercy. . . . Dumbledore had foreseen that. . . . How much more had he known? Harry lost track of time. He knew only that the darkness had lightened a few degrees when he was rejoined by Ron and Dean. The memory of the red-haired best mate was not a good thing for his state right now. But he knew he was just steps away from him, and he had no idea what he was gonna say to him the first time he said something to him. However, his tongue was unable to hold back the words even before he had chance to think about it.

"How's Hermione?" the words flew out from his mouth innocently.

"Better," said Ron, his voice was flat, deep, and Harry knew he put some pressure in it.

"Fleur's looking after her."

Harry had his retort ready for when they asked him why he had not simply created a perfect grave with his wand, but he did not need it. They jumped down into the hole he had made with spades of their own, and together they worked in silence until the hole seemed deep enough.

Harry wrapped the elf more snugly in his jacket. Ron sat on the edge of the grave and stripped off his shoes and socks, which he placed upon the elf 's bare feet. Dean produced a woolen hat, which Harry placed carefully upon Dobby's head, muffling his batlike ears.

"We should close his eyes."

Harry had not heard the others coming through the darkness. Bill was wearing a traveling cloak, Fleur a large white apron, from the pocket of which protruded a bottle of what Harry recognized to be Skele-Gro. He could watch clearly from the corner of his eyes that Hermione was wrapped in a borrowed dressing gown, pale and unsteady on her feet; Ron put an arm around her when she reached him. Harry had never known that there really was a simple view that could make someone feel so vulnerable. Luna, who was huddled in one of Fleur's coats, crouched down and placed her fingers tenderly upon each of the elf 's eyelids, sliding them over his glassy stare.

"There," she said softly.

"Now he could be sleeping."

Harry placed the elf into the grave, arranged his tiny limbs so that he might have been resting, then climbed out and gazed for the last time upon the little body. He forced himself not to break down as he remembered Dumbledore's funeral, and the rows and rows of golden chairs, and the Minister of Magic in the front row, the recitation of Dumbledore's achievements, the stateliness of the white marble tomb. He felt that Dobby deserved just as grand a funeral, and yet here the elf lay between bushes in a roughly dug hole.

"I think we ought to say something," piped up Luna. "I'll go first, shall I?"

And as everybody looked at her, she addressed the dead elf at the bottom of the grave.

"Thank you so much, Dobby, for rescuing me from that cellar. It's so unfair that you had to die, when you were so good and brave. I'll always remember what you did for us. I hope you're happy now."

She turned and looked expectantly at Ron, who cleared his throat and said in a thick voice, "Yeah . . . thanks, Dobby."

Hermione just looked at him saying the words. She herself did not say anything Harry had expected to hear.

_Probably she was just too weak now_

_Weak? Too weak you said Mr. Thick Head? It's such a miracle that she did not die !!!_

_And it was all because of me…_

_Hermione, Ron, Dobby…_

"Thanks," muttered Dean.

Harry swallowed.

"Good-bye, Dobby," he said.

It was all he could manage, but Luna had said it all for him. Bill raised his wand, and the pile of earth beside the grave rose up into the air and fell neatly upon it, a small, reddish mound.

"D'you mind if I stay here a moment?" he asked the others.

They murmured words he did not catch. Somehow, he swore he could feel Hermione's eyes laid on his back for a moment, Ron followed her gaze, and slowly leading her again back to the cottage, saying she should take a really good rest now. She kept still at first, but then gave up as Ron's arms hugged her back and gently pushed her towards the cottage.

Harry felt gentle pats upon his back, and then they all traipsed back toward the cottage, leaving Harry alone beside the elf.

He looked around: There were a number of large white stones, smoothed by the sea, marking the edge of the flower beds. He picked up one of the largest and laid it, pillowlike, over the place where Dobby's head now rested. He then felt in his pocket for a wand. There were two in there. He had forgotten, lost track; he could not now remember whose wands these were; he seemed to remember wrenching them out of someone's hand. He selected the shorter of the two, which felt friendlier in his hand, and pointed it at the rock.

Slowly, under his murmured instruction, deep cuts appeared upon the rock's surface. He knew that Hermione could have done it more neatly, and probably more quickly, but he wanted to mark the spot as he had wanted to dig the grave. When Harry stood up again, the stone read:

HERE LIES DOBBY, A FREE ELF.

He looked down at his handiwork for a few more seconds, then walked away, his scar still prickling a little, and his mind full of those things that had come to him in the grave, ideas that had taken shape in the darkness, ideas both fascinating and terrible.

***

Bill and Fleur's cottage stood alone on a cliff overlooking the sea, its walls embedded with shells and whitewashed. It was a lonely and beautiful place. Wherever Harry went inside the tiny cottage or its garden, he could hear the constant ebb and flow of the sea, like the breathing of some great, slumbering creature. He spent much of the next few days making excuses to escape the crowded cottage, craving the cliff-top view of open sky and wide, empty sea, and the feel of cold, salty wind on his face.

Grown up by the Dursleys had made him someone who sometimes needed a self - isolation from others, in a beautiful place like this, on his own, so he could think clearly about complicated things he had saved in mind, things that he was not really sure he could later understand about. This particular behavior, Harry knew, had been one of the many things Hermione could understand and get on so very well without making him more annoyed to her, as his _disturber. _

He smiled bitterly at the memory of her.

It had almost been two weeks they were all here, almost a week since the night that held many unexpected happenings he had never predicted before- his running from the tent, the kidnapping to Malfoy Mansion, his encounter with Dean, Luna, Olivander, and the Goblin, the play that Hermione played so well before Bellatrix Lestrange and Narcissa Malfoy, and Dobby's death.

That night he could not sleep at all. He did wonder how come he could still not burst into pieces while holding so many problems together, on his very own. His room was shared with Ron, and although he did not face the door all night, Harry swore Ron had not been there even for a second. He just got in to change clothes when the sun had raised and his eyes were blinded from its very bright shine. Harry could not think anything at all but _what he was doing in her room _on that night.

_They've become boyfriend and girlfriend now, what do you expect?_

_But Hermione should not have permitted him to stay inside all night_

_And what on earth makes you say that, Potter?_

_I don't know… I mean… That's what Hermione was supposed to do, right? That's the thing she would always do…_

_Even to her own boyfriend?_

_Certainly, even to her own boyfriend…_

_You mean, even to her own boyfriend whom she had fallen in love for years with? You mean with her boyfriend who somehow had become so gentle and such a nice companion to her vulnerable state?_

_I… don't… know…_

Ever since that night he could never vanish that thought out of his brain. He knew it was none of his business, but he could not just let go of it, particularly after Ron _did_ the same thing for the third time on the third night.

So, as vulnerable as he was and had been for almost a month now (he refused to have three proper meals a day even though Fleur had served him the extra portion for his health-he would always skip the breakfast, knowing he was doing the right thing for he was not ready in facing Ron and Hermione in one table, a place people should eat calmly. He would always pretend that he was sleeping and had not woken up), Harry would just go outside to the shore every midnight just to calm his mind and thought about what he was about to do next with this _crazy _hunting and just came back to his room when he thought that people were about to wake up. His heart felt calmed and relax when he knew that he was alone in the middle of night accompanied with sea waves and shore. He spent most of his time here all day. He had even walked so far without realizing it that made people in cottage looked for him in every possible place. When he came back, he was greeted by bone-crushing-hug by Fleur, relieve gazes thrown by his friends, Oliver, Griphook, and Bill, an unreadable expression from Ron, and a standing Hermione with glassy eyes, heavy breath rhythm and fists she hung on her sides, clearly reflected on how hesitated she had actually been to come to him and hug him like she would have usually done _before it. _Harry knew that maybe she herself was confused on how she was supposed to act around him, _just as confused as he was_. This was all that they were doing, the acts around one another, felt so strange and unnatural.

So here he was, sitting on his own in a rock by a small hill near the cottage, thinking how _wrong_ he had been for not saying a word to either Ron or Hermione unless he needed to. He had not apologized to them, had not at least gone to her room and asked about her genuine condition, about how she was feeling. The wind blowing around him felt so good on her face and hair.

_Of course she hates you, now_

_Does she?_

_What do you expect? She has never talked to you either, just changes intense gazes with you without any word to say_

_That is because she really doesn't know what the right thing to say to me, She's just scared in case she's gonna make me annoyed more to her, Hermione will never hate me…_

_Yeah? After what you have done to her and Ron on that night? After what you've caused her to go through in Malfoy Mansion? You don't even scream her name when she was tortured senselessly…_

_That's not the main point-_

_Of course it is the main point you jerk! You've endangered her life more than anyone could ever do to her on that night!_

_So you think she hates me now?_

_Kind of, if you think the word 'hate' is too harsh in relating to her_

_What should I do now?_

_Apologize, of course!_

_You said yourself she hates me now, what if she did not want to forgive me?_

_There goes your risk, brother…_

_What would she say? What should I say? What would Ron do when he found out I dared to go to her room?_

_You will never find out, will you?_

_So I have to try…_

_Yes you do…_

_And what if she said she could not do this anymore? What if she said she could not go on to this hunting anymore? What if they both said it?_

_Isn't it you who said you don't want her to interfere your business too much? Isn't it you who-_

_I never really meant it you know!!!_

_Speak it to her…_

_But-but-_

_But what Potter? See the point now? You deserve no more of her and Ron anymore…_

_Don't I?_

_Absolutely_

_So I'd better go apologize and say goodbye to them both?_

_That's better_

_When do I do it?_

_Tonight…_

***

It was 9.00 PM and Harry Potter still sat on his bed alone. His mind was full with words he was not really sure how to arrange properly. He had been there for nearly an hour; having finished his meal early before no one had done, and then decided to just stay there thinking over about his simple-yet-complicated plan.

He had decided that he was going to say a few words to his best companions, to his friends, whose lives once again had been endangered just because of his stupidity and uncontrolled emotion. He had not spoken a word with Ron for almost two weeks now, except saying words that really should be said like 'thanks' and 'no, thank you', whereas with Hermione things got a little bit more complicated.

He had been face to face with her when they walked to opposite directions; he had been locking eyes with her on that time, too. But there was really no word said by neither of them, for there was no chance at all to talk to her as Ron had always been by her side, hugging her by the waist to support her unsteady walk. And each time he was sure they were not watching, he would always watch that gesture from their backs, unseen knives felt like stabbing him right on the back of his head and chest. It really was his entire fault. It had been almost two weeks but Hermione had not recovered completely from her injury. His face felt hot when he realized that he had never even asked about her condition, never even asked Dean or Luna about it.

_Things would get way too different when Hermione's position got replaced by you_

_Yeah…_

_Had you been hurt and weak like her, she would have stayed with you through days and nights…_

_But she's got Ron, anyway…_

_And do you think she would have left if knowing there had been Ginny beside you?_

_No… Hermione would have stayed, and she would have worried everything about me, got a little bit too overreacted perhaps…_

His lips could not hide the smile that he was holding back-how he actually missed her _so much_. But the memory of how he had hurt her on that night how he had said rude words to her on that night, how she had caused them both suffer a lot and had nearly faced deaths, felt stinging on his chest. He knew he had never deserved them from the first place.

And now he had decided he would apologize to them both for what he had done, hoping that maybe they would listen to him and finally understood.

_But how in the name of Merlin can they understand about you if you are not willing to share you thought and problem with them, so they could see what your problem was?_

_And how on earth should I say it?_

_Just tell them…_

_For what? I don't need to be pitied or cried over. I'm sick of being pitied just because who I am…_

_But otherwise you cannot force them to understand you, then…_

_I'm not gonna put any pressure to them, it's up to them, it's about their choice,, and I'll appreciate whatever they're gonna choose…_

So Harry had decided, that maybe, just maybe, tonight's talk was gonna be their last one before he could go on his mission on his own. Too many lives had been put on line, and he could not take it anymore, he could not take more death before it was over. He would lose his healthy mind if one of his best friends died because of him.

He turned his head to the clock put on the desk, it was 9.12 PM. Harry knew Ron would not come to their room, just like what he would always do-be a good companion to her throughout days and nights. Indistinctly, Hermione's soft laughs were heard till this room. His muscles gut tensed behind his abdomen skin-_It's time, Harry. Now or never…_

***

His legs felt heavy when he pulled them to walk toward the closed door. He could still hear Ron's words before being followed by Hermione's chuckles. He knew she was comfortable with him. Ron was more than just enough to make her pain go away and forget everything about Harry.

He raised his hand and knock softly.

_Knock-Knock-Knock_

The voices behind the door he had just knocked suddenly grew quiet. Harry could picture them good enough-Ron and Hermione stopped laughing and talking and just looked to each other, questioning who was on the door _disturbing_ their good time. He gulped to ease his nervous while later facing him.

He heard heavy steps walking toward the door and Ron's voice asking "Who is it?" but before he could even respond, the door opened while his mouth had opened up to answer his earlier question. Ron looked at him with a surprise gaze. Harry knew he was not expected at all.

"Me, Harry," was all he could say before closing his agape mouth, which looked so idiot because he was clearly seen so nervous.

Ron did not respond anything but kept looking at him with curious eyes and gaze that made Harry's gut felt like being pulled by rope to his back.

"What do you want?" his question was a demand, said in a little bit deeper voice Harry felt he should not need to use. Harry knew Ron did not like this at all. He was gazing him intently, his blue eyes were full of wary, looking at Harry as if he was a stranger ready to burst into the room and hurt everyone in there.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Ron, but I just want to……talk with……both of you, tonight… but I guess I'd like to talk to her first…if you don't mind of course."

Harry felt like swallowing his own tongue he said it fast, hoping that Ron would not see how nervous he really was now. He had nearly stammered to say what he should say to him, but eventually it went out smoothly before he could close his jaw to show that he was calmed and not nervous.

"For what? She's resting, you know," said Ron in a very tense voice.

"Explain…… things… you know…what has happened to us all… I promise it won't take long… barely half an hour if I can make you a calculation of our talk…"

Ron did not react for several seconds, just looked at him neatly, as if reading his mind if he would hurt her again. Harry understood that he did not want to see her in pain again because of him. And so he said it well, a word he did not predict he was going to use to make this smooth.

"Please… I swear I'm not gonna hurt her or do anything stupid to endanger her anymore, Ron, if that what worries you the most… I don't have my wand with me, if you'd like to check…"

"Who is it, Ron? Why don't you just open it up so I can see? Is it Luna? I told her to come here tonight. You know I guess she was going to meet me for-"

Hermione did not have any chance to finish her sentence, for Ron finally swayed the door back, opening it up wider so it could reveal who he was talking to. Harry was never really sure which words would describe her expression better: surprise, shock, or scared.

"It's me, Harry," they locked gaze and Harry could soon feel the emotion building up behind his chest. She was wearing a pink sweater. Her waist and legs were covered by sheet that had been rumpled. Her hair fell to her shoulders; tiny curls were trimming her face beautifully. And her face… her face looked just perfect to him no matter how _shocked _she looked now. He _did _miss her way too bad.

For a moment, the world stopped spinning around between them, their eyes communicated with each other like what they had already done so well all this time. Harry never tore his eyes away from hers before Ron' voice made him do that.

"Harry would like to talk to you, Hermione. You're gonna let him in? But if you feel tired, I'm sure he could wait till tomorrow," said Ron walking back toward her bed.

She was hesitated at first, Harry sensed that. But he kept looking at her, trying his best to show how he really _wanted _to talk to her tonight. She opened and closed her mouth, clearly confused at what to say.

"No, not at all, Ron. I'm fine, it'll be fine… I've taken a nap earlier anyway… so I guess I am still more than just capable to talk to… Harry. I'm sure Harry won't take long time, will you?" she repeatedly looked from Ron to him, nodding her head to make his boyfriend feel sure that this talk would do no harm to her. And when her eyes once again met with Harry, he knew what she hoped for him to say.

"Yeah… it won't take long, Ron, I promise…" said Harry in a very promising way.

Ron looked between the two, sighed, and then raised himself from the chair he was sitting on, ready to go leaving these two best friends on their own.

"Very well, then… Just call my name if you need me, okay?"

Hermione smiled at him and nodded her head, acting just like a good kid promising her dad she would be good at home. Harry was about to smile if he did not see what they did next: Ron leaned his body to her, they hugged and he gave her a quick kiss on her lips. Harry threw his face away from that, he knew he could destroy his chance once more if he let his emotion took control of him now.

Ron walked passing him and he nodded his thanks to him. The door closed behind his back, and now there were really just him and her. The only sound that was heard was the tickling clock before he finally stepped forward and sat on her bed near her foot. He tightened his fists to calm himself down, knowing he had to be calmed tonight.

"Hey… what's wrong?" her voice was barely above a whisper, yet felt so good on his ears, still sounded same as the last time they communicated, soft and very Hermione's.

He dared himself to look at her. He raised his chin slowly; he did not know how he would feel when he drowned in her eyes, once more. He was not sure what kind of emotion would tighten behind his chest. He just wanted to be the old good Harry she had ever known as her best friend; he did not want to become _another thing _tonight.

He looked up at her and their eyes met. Her expression was calmed and relaxed, not showing any sign of anger or scared of him. And that made him feel comfortable not feeling any pressure put on him anymore.

"I'm not interrupting something, aren't I?" his voice sounded desperate, even for his own ears.

Her expression softened when she shook her head slowly. She _understood _what he was referring to. Somehow, she was sure that he was not comfortable at all whenever he saw Ron with her.

"No… Not at all…"

He nodded his head, feeling relieved he was not disturbing _anything _between the two. Silence engulfed them once more. He just looked to his feet when she looked at him expectantly. He was too nervous, not sure where to start. There were so many things he _wanted _to tell her. And so he decided he would just let it flow naturally, he would say whatever his head had been telling him to say.

"How are you feeling?" was his question, asked in a very weak voice that she had almost missed it.

Hermione shifted a little on her bed, making sure she was going to pay attention well to this conversation she was longing so bad.

"I'm feeling fine, as you can see, I'm getting better, thanks to Fleur for taking care of me very well…"

He raised his face and looked at at her eyes neatly, not wanting to lose any sign of pain she might be hiding so he could not see. And when he did not find one, Harry knew she was telling him the truth.

"She's helping you a lot to get better, huh? … Everyone… When I'm not…"

This time it was her turn to get tensed. Harry's words came without warning to her. And truth be told, she was not ready and so unsure of how to respond to his statement. All she could do was opening and closing her mouth without any word to come out. She tore her gaze away from his, feeling so nervous facing him now, not because she was scared of him, but because she was scared if she could not calm her best friend down. She knew Harry had a lot pressure recently, caused by a problem he did not tell anyone about, a problem she believed was big enough to make his daily life got so miserable now.

"Harry I-"

"I've messed up, haven't I? I screw everyone up…I- I don't… know… what's gotten into me on that night, Hermione… I don't know… I don-"

His words stopped flowing when he felt her hand covering his. She took his right hand in both of hers, squeezing it to assure him that she was okay with it, that she understood he might get _lost _sometimes, if the word _crazy _was rude enough to describe what he had been on that night.

"It's okay, Harry… It's alright… We know that you might have a really hard time back then…"

He looked up at her, and how surprised she really was, to see tears had already sat on his beautiful eyes. His body trembled and shook holding his cry back. For nearly seven years she had stayed as his best friend, Hermione realized that she had never seen him this vulnerable before, this fragile…

This boy she had been following for nearly seven years… This particular eye-glassed boy she had sacrificed everything she could sacrifice just for his sake… This young man everyone on the earth was going to hope… Pain was all she could see in his eyes… So deep it cut that she could almost feel the agonizing pain ripping his soul inside…

An old picture buried deep inside her head suddenly came out from its hidden place. She saw herself in the age of nearly 12 years, opened a compartment door which revealed two boys. One of them was a red-haired boy; his mouth was busy chewing his food. The other was a dark-haired boy; his round glasses looked too big for his head. His body was skinny yet his appearance looked calmed. He had beautiful green eyes that looked back at her, curious who she was daring to open their compartment without knocking first. A lightning scar was on his forehead, and suddenly she felt so familiar with this boy. She saw herself feel so excited introducing herself to him shaking his hand.

_Flash_

"_In a cupboard? In a cupboard? What kind of family is it?" _her voice sounded hysterical when Ron was telling Harry's days in the dursleys and how suffering he really was in the library. They were talking about how unfair Snape really was to Harry in their first year. They were waiting for him in the library, ready to work out their task together, but Ron's emotion was rising up when he remembered how poor Harry really was.

"_Lower your voice, Granger!!! He could be steps away from us!!!"_

"_But… Ron… what you just said-"_

"_I know it doesn't sound normal at all… Harry told me this one day… Not really told actually, he said it not on a purpose, just came out from his mouth… The Dursleys are really freaks…"_

"_Aren't they his family too?"_

"_Yeah, but they hated Harry's parents, and so they hate him, too… He was treated cruelly on their home… It was not home for him at all…"_

Ron's words made Hermione's hairs stood on end. She could not imagine herself living Harry's life. She could not imagine how she would feel if suddenly her parents decided to move her room to cupboard under the stairs, forcing her to sleep in it. And she could just picture easily now – Harry, with his too-big-clothes-hanging-on-his-thin-body slept in it and did everything his uncle wanted him to do even though his body felt sore and his eyes felt so sleepy. He had no parents, his mom and dad had died, and to whom he would go complain about their cruelty? No one.

_Flash_

They were standing close to the tunnel connecting to the shrieking-shack. She was looking at Ron's wound and Harry was with Sirius. They had just learned that Sirius was Harry's god father, a real person loving Harry as his own child. She looked at them both – now standing closely and talking about something. His eyes lit up while watching him talk. Hermione could guess that Sirius was probably talking about his parents. She knew that the only topic that could make Harry have a really good mood but torn at the same time was about his parents.

_Flash_

"_Harry Potter!!!" _Dumbledore's voice echoed around the great hall. The goblet of fire did the unexpected thing: it suddenly spurted a piece of paper with his name on it. Everyone turned to give him accusing look, even Ron did not look happy at all, oddly he looked as if about to hex him. And so she became the only person that could support him.

"_Come on, Harry…" _her voice seemed to wake him up from his muse. He stood abruptly and walked toward the headmaster. He was clearly confused and lost.

_Flash_

The first task of the three-wizard champion had come. Harry was the youngest yet he had to fight for his life-not his other competitors anymore. Hermione had succeeded in helping him getting his best to perform charm spells that might be useful for him the following day. When his name was mentioned, he walked hesitated toward the dragon, and boy was he almost dead. The dragon spurted its fire anywhere Harry ran and the only Hermione could do was shouting him to give him clue what he should do next. She had proved to be the only one Harry could always turn into, for Ron and everyone else still did not get on well with him. She had nearly had heart attack for watching his brilliant performance by coming back to the arena with full body.

_Flash_

Harry had come out from the maze, surprising anyone watching entry. Everyone gave a really enthusiasm applause for him, thinking that Hogwarts had won through him. But Hermione knew there was something wrong, for he was crying over a still body she thought to be Cedric. Her best friend looked so vulnerable, and that was the first time she saw him crying and shaking. Suddenly the applause and cheers grew quiet and it became clear that Cedric had died. Harry told Dumbledore-but his voice was heard by everyone watching what he had gone through in the maze: that one of the champions had been bewitched, and the cup itself had become a portkey, sending him and Cedric to Riddle's grave and Voldemort had once again risen from his 'death'. She realized just then, that his face and hands were covered by his own blood.

_Flash_

Harry's howl and roar sounded so excruciating in her ears. The boy was screaming and yelling madly; Tears were running freely on his cheeks and unbelievable pain was clearly shaped on his face. Remus Lupin held his arms back, preventing him from running after his god father that had just been killed in front of his eyes and fell to the back. He was crying desperately, his body trembled from head to toe. She would have run and hugged him if she had been able too. Once again, her best friend had suffered an unmentionable pain he had considered as his father. Hermione knew how Harry loved Sirius, how longing he was for parents' love. Having a childhood like him would normally make one have a very rude personality. But he did not. He was Harry-just Harry, someone troubles always looked for him if he did not look for the troubles himself, someone she knew to be brave, generous, noble, and lovable. He could just taste Sirius' love for really a short time.

_Flash_

Harry was hugged by Ginny; he was crying beside Dumbledore's body. Once again he had to see his dear person died. Sirius' gone was followed by Dumbledore. Somehow she wanted to cry with him… How cruel life had been to him… She could not imagine how unable she would really be if she were in his position. And so on that night she could not sleep, thinking about how life had been toward her best friend, a brave and generous boy having been predicted as the only one who could destroy the biggest enemy in the wizarding world. He was barely seventeen, back then… But he had gone through pain and tears more than anyone she ever knew… She swore since then that she was not gonna leave him no matter what… That she would be a real and genuine best friend he could ever get in his life, a pure sister on his own to be there helping and being a good and faithful companion he could always have…

And now…

Here he was, the boy everyone knew to be so brave, the boy everyone in the wizarding world loved and hated at the same time, the boy where an only hope to save the world from a crazy powerful wizard wanting to make huge mess in this world was hang to… looking at her with glistening eyes. His mouth did not say a word, but his eyes talked to hers through language she had never known she could understand and talk with. He was looking at her deeply, as if trying to convey to her how regretful he had really been, how sorry he really was, how suffering he was from unmentionable pain he could not describe and tell about to her although he kept feeling it… But somehow it was stabbing him inside, pulling his soul away from her… She knew that his pain was slowly killing him inside, and she could feel it creeping on her own limbs…. He was clearly hurt just to see her this weak… And she couldn't take it…

"Harry…" her hands went to his shoulders, her voice was trembling, full of emotion.

Without realizing it, tears had also filled her eyes. To say that she understood his pain and what he was feeling was an underestimation; now she could even _feel _it on her blood, she could even feel his unmentionable pain through her chest, her pulse, her raging breath. And she knew how it felt… she could feel his feeling, she could feel his sorry, she could feel his emotion, boiling behind his chest…

Without having any longer consideration, she threw her body to him, hugging and holding him so tight as if she was scared he would go abandon her again. Her arms circled around his neck and his arms circled around her back. Harry breathed in her scent and _God_ did he really miss her so bad. They both cried shaking and trembling uncontrollably. Nothing was mattered anymore between the two. They tightened the embrace as if scared if one of them was going to go from the other.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione… I'm so sorry… I never meant my words on that night, you know… I know you might think I've lost my mind, but-"

"Ssssshhh, Harry… It's okay… It's alright… We know that maybe you just have too many stuff-"

"But I have almost made you and Ron… I've almost made you… almost..-"

"It doesn't matter now I'm fine, Harry… I'm perfectly fine… healthy and alive… I'm not gonna di-"

"YOU CAN'T DIE, YOU KNOW THAT? YOU… You… Hermione… You can't just- You can't just-"

His emotion was erupting its tiny particles. His shout made her cry harder now. She knew how he felt… She absolutely knew that Harry Potter needed her more than anyone else on earth… Her tears flooded his hair, but she could just careless.

"Harry, I'm right here… I'm right here with you, you know it… I am right here…"

His sobs were full of pain. Each second his shake became more and more fierce, she could feel it. His body rocked back and forth harshly, holding onto her so he would not fall. She kissed his head over and over, trying to tell him that she was perfectly fine now and by his side, that she was not gonna leave him on his own, suffering and completely lost.

She did not know how long they stayed like that. Time was a stranger that could destroy their bond if she let it consume her mind. Everything did not matter now. Everything was just nothing… for she had already had her best friend back… for she had already had Harry back-_her _Harry back…

Slowly but sure, she could feel that his sobs had slowed down. His body was not trembling as fierce as before, but he just looked so exhausted now that finally she could feel that he was leaning his body to her _almost _fully as if he could not hold his weight anymore…

She kept stroking the back of his head, knowing really well that if she was going to be a genuine best friend to him and listened to all his feeling, laughs, and cries, it was the best chance for her to show it…

_Moreover if I still want to know what his problem actually was… Harry is going to open himself to me if I keep doing everything on the right track…_

She stroked his back, hoping that he would really feel better now that he had finally let it go… She didn't mind one bite if actually his purpose on seeing her tonight was just to cry and weep on her shoulders senselessly, just like a child did when he knew he would be okay by his mom…

"You're not mad at me, are you?" his voice was barely above a whisper, full of hope and worry at the same time. Hermione smiled. He sounded _cute _to her ears that for a moment she felt as if it was a child of her own that she was holding. He kissed the side of his head once more.

"The world itself must have lost its mind if I could have been angry to you, Mr. Potter…" she tried to make the situation got a little bit lighter, and she did. She could feel Harry smile on her shoulders, and so she broke the hug to make sure that she was seeing it.

"Well, I think you've just lost your own mind, Miss Granger if you think that's how it works…" he smiled through his tears, and boy was there really nothing in this world that could make her feel that way. Excitement burst in her chest seeing him lighter because of her words.

"Well… Guess I'm telling you what? I think I've lost my sanity ever since I knew a certain dark-haired boy who loved flying and doing almost every rebellion he could do and taught me about school-rules-breaking –"

"Hey, I'm not teaching you! You just did it yourself 'cause you felt you have no friends other than me and Ron-"

"The more exact point is that I've been trapped with two boys loving to play some hero scenes-"

"But you love it you know! You hate it when we don't invite you to come!"

"That's because I feel that you guys could not finish it without me!"

"You're right!!!"

And he laughed at his own words. Hermione smiled and joined his laugh, seeing this scene, how she hoped she would be able to see this since days before, when she felt that maybe he would never want to stay friends with her anymore… When she had cried behind Ron's back whenever he was not looking just for thinking about what happened to this first friend she had in her life…

Several seconds later their laugh had subsided and now they were looking at each other eyes, waiting who was gonna talk and break the silence first. When finally it was Hermione, Harry had never known that his happiness feeling from laughing could go that fast from him as soon as he was reminded what he was there for.

"So… you're feeling better now?"

He did not omit his smile fully, leaving enough traces there so that she would not get disappointed by his expression.

"No actually, not really… We're gonna have a long talk now…"

But her smile quickly vanished as soon as she heard his words correctly.

_Here it comes, Hermione !_

He took some deep breaths, calming himself for several seconds, preparing his words so it could get smooth when he said it to her.

"Hermione, I come here not just to apologize to you, actually… But… that's because of… some other… things I've got to say before…-"

"Before what?" her furrows were knitted together while saying this. She sensed that this time there would be no laugh at all, just like what they had just done. She sensed that wherever this was going, this was going to a _bad _place.

He stopped speaking for a moment, trying to choose the exact word so he would not hurt her and made her panic,_ yet_. And so he was taking some deep breaths to calm himself down. Her eyes sought for answer in his eyes, he knew she had sensed it somehow, and he was going to prepare for it.

"Before you knew what I'm gonna say…"

His sentence hung in the air. She did not respond it immediately. Instead, she kept still and thinking over about it.

Hermione was waiting for him expectantly. Her eyes were fixed on his face, paying attention really well to each expression he wore, making his face felt hot from feeling too nervous. But he got to tell her, and so the word just flew out from his tongue…

"I'm leaving…"

To say that Hermione seem shocked was far beyond exact. Her face suddenly lost its color, her cheeks and lips whitened, her eyes widened, and all other things describing that she had been enjoying this conversation with Harry vanished.

"What did you just say?" she asked him with a deep yet raising voice. Harry could feel that emotion was boiling up inside her chest and head, ready to burst to the surface. He forced himself to stay as calm as he could get, denying his heart that was beating so fast now, denying his rising blood pressure for never being this tensed before. He looked to her as if she were Aunt Petunia when she got mad at him when he was a child. She would make him do extra works and did not care at all even if he kept holding his back when he felt it had been too much for him to do on that day. He would come to kitchen, eating whatever rotting food his uncle had been so kind to prepare for him. It was all a look mix among fear, exhaust, confuse, lost, and devastated.

"You hear me right, Hermione… I'm leaving…"

For ten seconds her mouth opened, her expression blank, her eyes shone the sign what a complex process of deep thinking that was now working inside her head.

He looked at her holding his breath, having no idea what she would do first to him, what kind of words that she was going to say to him, how it actually would feel against his chest. And when he found out, he knew he would face whatever emotion of hers that was now vomiting its tiny particle out.

"I take it…"

The words said in a very cold voice. His brain did not succeeded in working her words out, figuring what she possibly meant behind it. But somehow, his chest felt heavy, his breath was released in a tension. Those words felt really _cold _in his ears.

"It's not enough, then, for you… I guess… It's not enough, at all…"

"Hermione, I-"

"What, Harry? What? Have decided to do another thing that'll be able to tear my heart apart, haven't you? Have decided that it's time for you to perform another _bipolar-mood-show-with-Hermione_, haven't you?"

Her voice was full of sarcastic he could feel. She was looking at him with kind of intention that he could not draw a breath for his already tight lungs. But then he realized what she could possibly mean behind her earlier words, that he had hurt her way too much…

_Great Mr. Potter, Just great… Look at you've done now…_

_I never expected this…_

_What did you ever expect then??? That she was gonna congratulate you for your departure and clapped her hands excitedly?_

Unexplained rage and anger were suddenly boiling inside his head, feelings that could easily affect him these weeks, ruining whatever thing they were doing. He knew that _he _made him feel like this. But somehow he could not just ignore it easily, for a fraction of his soul actually felt content to feel this strength the feeling was giving him. A part of his healthy mind reminded him of his actual purpose being there, and so he tightened his fists and forced himself to calm down facing Hermione, someone he had been so easily angry to. He drew some breath before responding to her earlier statement.

"I… I never know that's what you feel I've always been doing lately, really… "

"Those things you did, Harry? I've already forgiven you for it might just because of your mysterious problem affecting you so… badly I have never known… but tonight… You do this in your awareness right?"

Her voice was trembling. He knew this would not be a short talk with her for he had no idea what he was supposed to do so that this could be going easily just like he had wished before.

He had never been good with any crying girl, and here she went, showing signs that might tighten Harry's gut to just imagine what she might probably do next.

"For nearly a month you kept me in the dark, having no idea at all about what could be possibly my best friend's problem that he would not want to just say hi to me, For the first month in my nearly seven year of knowing you, Harry… I felt like a dumb having no idea what kind of _evil _had gotten into my first best friend's chest that he suddenly did not want to look at me-"

"Trust me Hermione it'd be better for you not knowing any of my problems you've been so curious about and it'd be much better for you to just stay back and ignore me as much as-"

_Slap_

A right hand suddenly flew right away to his cheek, slapping it with full fierce and emotion unexpectedly. Hot-burning sensation was creeping on the spot he'd just been hit, and he could just close his eyes to press whatever emotion boiling up behind his chest to avoid doing the same thing to her, or _worse_. Salty liquid tasted so strange in the corner of his lips and he knew this would go much worse than what he had predicted before.

"DON'T YOU DARE TELLING ME ABOUT WHAT'S BEST FOR ME AND WHAT'S NOT, HARRY! DON'T YOU EVER DARE TELLING ME SO _EASILY _TO JUST IGNORE YOU AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED-"

"Nothing had happened, Hermione-"

"IT'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING, HARRY. SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU, AND YOU KNOW IT! You might just ignore it easily but-"

"I am not discussing anything of that you inquire so much-"

"Who says I'm gonna want to discuss it as well?! Who says?!"

Her voice softened, maybe expressing the real heart-breaking feeling she had now felt stabbing her chest cruelly. He looked up at her, finding the girl was now closing her mouth with a hand and eyes shut tightly even though tears were now flowing freely on her beautiful face. She shook her head for many times, unclear for what reason, but clear enough for someone to tell that she was in a really vulnerable state. Sobs were now coming indistinctly from her throat.

He broke his heart seeing her like this. He knew she would be hurt once more by his decision, but this was all for her sake, too.

_If you won't be able to do one thing nice for her and Ron, just do this Harry… She's gonna know someday that you do this because you love her and Ron…_

_Yeah, at least I'm gonna make sure I'm making the world safe for their lovely kids…_

Harry gulped. His lungs suddenly felt so tight, his breath could not go smoothly like before. His chest felt hurt, stabbed with an unseen knife. Harry had once again made her cry. But he had no idea how he was supposed to calm her down, because he was breaking inside now, tortured by some pain about the lovely girl that was now crying freely before him.

And so, when words failed him once more, he could just do the only thing he knew would make both of them comfortable, the only thing he was positive she would have done if she had been in his position: he leaned his body forward and pulled her into his arms.

Hermione gave up and ended up on his shoulders, soon hanging her arms around his neck and cried harder. Her body shook along with her sobs. Harry held her by the waist, tighten his grip there, pulling her as close as their bodies could be. He closed his eyes, feeling agonizing pain was now ripping his soul into pieces to just realize how it would feel to be far away from this girl he used to think as his sister. Tears forced to come out from his eyes no matter how hard he had pressed them back. He tried to calm himself down by breathing in her scent, but it could only make his heart more hurt than ever.

"You know I'm not gonna let it happen…"

Her voice sounded desperate to her own ears. She knew she could not hide her feeling anymore from him. If being kept in the dark without any news telling her about this particular best friend for a month had succeeded in making her feel more alone and tortured than ever, the thought of him finally _leaving _her behind and went on this horrible mission on his own scared her more than anything in this world.

And so, her sobs were getting harder and harder.

He tightened up his embrace, forcing himself to focus on what he should next say to her, thinking about the right words to say to her.

"And you know you've got to let me go, Hermione…"

The words came out successfully from his mouth, but the effect made his heart feel worse. She gripped his shoulder harder, digging her nails there to show how ruined she was to hear his earlier words, how terribly scared she was to just imagine that he would leave her behind, and that was the cruelest feeling Harry had ever felt inside his heart.

"You know I can't, Harry… I can't… Please don't make me do this… Please, Harry… I'm begging you… Please…"

She was begging, now. Her voice was full of emotion, full of fear, worry, sadness, desperate… everything that made his lungs felt kneaded that he could not breath properly…

"Ssshhhh… Hermione, Hey, listen… I'm just going for several months… Okay? You know we've almost reached the end, right? I'm coming home as soon as it's all over… I'll make sure I'm coming home…"

He forced his words to sound light and assuring, but he failed miserably as it did not soften her sobs.

"And what if… what if…"

"Then I'll make sure that _he_'s going with me…"

Her body was now trembling uncontrollably, Harry tried to hold her as tight as he could, landing quick kisses on her hair, trying his best to make sure that he was still there for her, not gonna die or fade soon. He knew what she meant in her unfinished sentence, and although it hurt him more to just realize his cruel fate in this world, he forced himself to be brave enough to face it all. Dumbledore had been right, that there really was a big difference between being pulled to the fight or walking to the arena on your own with your head upright.

"I can't, Harry… I… can't…"

"You do still remember that the prophecy, right?"

She nodded.

"Only me, Hermione… Only me that was mentioned to be able to destroy him… And no matter how slight my chance might be, you know I'm doing my best, right? I'm doing whatever it takes to finish him… It's been my fate, somehow… And I'm doing my best, too to make sure I can go home in the end…"

"And why on earth does it have to be you, Harry? Why-"

"'Cause he marked me first… And I have no choice, now…"

"I'm staying with you, then!"

"No, Hermione… You can't… Hey, listen-"

"And what kind of reason are you able to give me for that? I have my fate, too, you know… And I've decided that I'm following you, Harry… I'm stick with you no matter what happens for Merlin Sake! Don't you dare saying to me if you do this for my safety 'cause I'm gonna-"

"What would you do, Hermione? What would you do if you were in my position? Having your best friend that meant a great dear to you in unbelievable danger, or-"

"I've been in danger since the first time I met you… I've been in danger ever since I decided to put my highest loyalty with you…"

"You're gonna be okay if you and Ron just stay here…"

"And who the hell can make a guarantee for that, Harry? Who the hell can make sure that he won't chase me and Ron to get to you? I'm safe with you, Harry… I'm safe with you…"

He was silenced with her words. His mind suddenly went blank. His breath was held back, making his chest feel hot. Agonizing screams were now replayed again behind his head, making his neck hair stand on end.

_Hermione was screaming again: The sound went through Harry like physical pain. Barely conscious of the fierce prickling of his scar, he too started to run around the cellar, feeling the walls for he hardly knew what, knowing in his heart that it was useless._

"_What else did you take, what else? ANSWER ME! __CRUCIO__!"_

Her screams sounded so clear in his head, loud and strong. He closed his eyes, imagining how it must feel for her on that time, being tortured yet could still tell a lie to save them all. She had sacrificed her parents so that she could go accompanying him, she had chose to stay with him when Ron abandoned him, she had done her best to resist the agonizing pain Bellatrix was giving her by the spell and yet she still protected him with her lie.

_There will never be no one as loyal as you, Hermione… I would have died… I would have died…_

"No… I can't protect you either…"

"Yes, you can! You're the Chosen One, Harry…"

"Yet I couldn't save you from them, could I? I… I let you… I let you go through it… I did nothing, Hermione… I'm wandless, now… And what can be hoped from someone like me? If there had not been Dobby…. If he had been late just for a second… I don't think… I don't think I can still-"

"You always tried, but you couldn't, so it's fine… I was fine, and I am, Harry… Please…"

It was her turn to tighten her grip to him for she felt that he began to shake as sobs silently escaped from his throat. She could understand, she could feel the feeling now he was feeling. It was a feeling of completely powerless, a feeling that could destroy anyone feeling it, when nothing could be done to save one's life that meant a great dear to us… She had already felt it so many times, now… Ever since she decided to stick her fate to this raven haired boy she had known as her very first friend, ever since she knew how cruel life could be to him… And so nothing she could do now to make him feel better other than just holding him close and soothing him down. He had lost so many people he used to love. And he always considered that it was his entire fault to cause them to die. She understood if he could not stand imagining that he would possibly lose her or Ron-or both- now, but she could not let him go either, for a fraction of her soul would break and her life would never be the same…

"But… still… I can't lose you… I can't risk you anymore, Hermione, please… I have to finish whatever we've been starting… And it'll make me lose my sanity if you… if you…"

"I've told you I'm fine…"

"Now? What about tomorrow? What about the day after tomorrow?"

"What about the end of the world, Harry? What if the world explodes? We can't live in fear like that about what might possibly happen-"

"BUT I JUST CAN'T LOSE ANYMORE FRIEND, HERMIONE! I JUST CAN'T! MY PARENTS, MY GODFATHER, EVEN DUMBLEDORE AND CEDRIC, HEDWIG, OR EVEN YOU OR RON!!! I… I CAN'T… I can't… I can't even protect myself…"

"That's it indeed, Harry… I'm gonna have to stick with you… And I'm gonna do it-"

"I won't let it."

He cut her fast, with a voice full of assurance. For a moment she just shut her mouth. But she was not gonna lose again from this debate with him.

"I won't let you won't let it, then…"

He stiffed, thinking harder than ever to make her sure that she would let go of him in the end…

"You're not gonna give up so easily, are you?"

"No…"

"Then you don't care a bit with me…"

The words were said in harsh, deep tone he knew he didn't need to use, but did it anyway as he had run out of words of how to make her do what he wanted. He broke their embrace and looked directly at her eyes. If words could have made what her eyes were speaking about, Harry was sure he would have spent pieces of parchments to write them down. There were misery, sadness, devastated, desperation, longing, desire, pain… all written clearly on her face. Tears were still streaming on her beautiful cheeks when Harry decided to raise his hands and hold her face. She was leaning her face on his hold, tears ran ever more heavily now. His thumbs delicately reached up to wipe them all and then worked her chin so that she would look up right into his eyes.

"Hermione, look at me…"

She closed her eyes, and more tears flooded her cheeks just to feel that she _had to_ look into those eyes. She could not do that as she knew she would not be able to say no to him at whatever he was asking from her. And she could not let her own tongue say yes even though she knew that maybe he was right after all: she had to let him go to finish this all. She was weak and she could just bring more trouble in the way if she forced to come with him.

"Hermione, listen… You hear me clearly, right? Look to me…"

His voice was merely above a whisper. Imagining that she would not be able to just hear it made her heart ache more than ever. But it was a tone of begging, and she knew she could not ignore him forever. And so she opened her eyes.

He was looking at her with a gaze she did not remember he had ever worn while looking at her. He was rather smiling, but she could not be blinded from the true pain and burden written so clearly all over his face.

"Hey… Listen to me… You still have your genuine trust on me, right?"

Her mouth felt so rigid. She knew where these words were leading her to. But she had to answer him. And so she just nodded her head.

He smiled. Her heart broke a little deeper.

"It doesn't decrease one bite, does it?"

She shook her head. He smiled wider. And she felt burning pain shot through her chest.

"So… When I tell you… I've found a way out to finish _him_ in a short time, but has to be done on my own, you trust me, don't you?"

She stiffed. Her body suddenly felt rigid. Tears were now coming heavily flooding her cheeks. She just stared him back, saying no word and doing no gesture as her answer.

"Hermione?"

With full energy to hold her cry back, she nodded her head helplessly, knowing that he would finally make her have no reason to refuse his request at all.

He smiled. Tears were now also streaming on her cheeks.

"Then… If I'm begging you now, to let me go and do whatever plan I've been planning to finish this all on my own, when you and Ron just sat back here waiting for me, you trust me enough to let me go, right?"

Her lips were trembling, her arms were shaking, she never thought he could be this _cruel_ to her.

"Yes… But-"

"Then finally you can let me go and do what I say, am I right?"

She shook her head fiercely.

"Hermione, you've just said-"

"I have said I can't-"

"You care about Ron, right?"

He cut her fast before she could even _attack_ him back.

"Of course but Ron would never-"

"He would do as I say as soon as I tell him this, 'Mione-"

"No, Harry… He won't… He-"

"We're not debating about his answer, okay? But I hope you still remember the way he shouted your name desperately when they tortures you… You do?"

She nodded her head, now shutting her eyes as she knew she might lose from this _stubborn thing_ game to him.

"You do care so much about him, don't you? And you know how ruined he could be if anything happens to you, right?"

"But I could be ruined too if anything happens to you, Harry…"

"This is my fate Hermione… I have no choice… You guys are the most important people in my life now… And I won't risk one of you at all… You still trust me, right?"

She cried freely now, her sobs once again filled the room, stabbing his heart cruelly as he felt his heart squeezed in a very agonizing way.

"You have to let me go, eventually, Hermione… I have to do that on my own… I hope you understand that…"

"I guess I have no choice at all, haven't I? I guess I have no reason now, haven't I?"

He was silent. He couldn't open his mouth to give his answer. His tongue felt tied back to his palate. He knew he was destroying her inside, but he had no choice.

"You want me to do this, don't you Harry? Answer me…"

"You know I never want to do this Hermione… But I tell you what? You'll know why I do this… You'll know why I did those crazy things on that night… Why I have to do this on my own…"

"I know you'll never let me down, Harry, I know…"

When words once again failed him to show his emotion, he threw his arms to her and enveloping her in a very tight embrace. She held him back with much fierce as if he would fade soon from her arms.

"You're gonna let me go, right?"

"Only because I have to…"

"Thanks… Thanks a lot-"

"Just be careful, alright? I… I… I love you…"

The three words left her mouth in a desperate voice full of worry and…love. His sobs suddenly stopped, his body stiffed, his brain felt like having a stroke.

_What did she just say?_

_She loved you_

_Love?_

_Love as a sisterly love, you idiot! Not that kind of love you keep fantasizing…_

_Oh… Yeah… Well… Right…_

"I love you, too…"

The words came out from his tongue for the first time in his life and boy was he surprised to feel the feeling while saying it out loud… to the right person he could have just imagined before. Just then he realized that he had never even said it to Ginny. And his broken heart and ruined soul suddenly burst in an ironic cheer while finding that out. The genuine smile shaped on his lips through the tears that were running freely on his face.

_I said it, didn't I? I've said it, haven't I?_

_You did… And did you pay any attention to how tightening her embrace got after you said that?_

_I don't care… I don't care what her arms do or what she must have misunderstood my words… But Dear God… Whoever you are up there… Thanks for letting me say the words…_

They stayed like that for more minutes before he was reminded that his thirty-minute must have gone now… And so he drew back from her, still smiling for his earlier words…

"I guess time's up now…"

She nodded her head, smiling back to him through tears.

"Thanks… Hermione… for everything…"

And with that he gave her forehead a long lasting kiss. She closed her eyes at his touch, silently praying that it would never be her last kiss from him.

"I have to go back to my room now… Have to talk to Ron as well… You want me to say to him to come back here or-"

"No… No Harry if… you would do me a favor… could you just please tell him I wanna sleep on my own, tonight? I… You know…I need some time…on my own… Just… Well I guess he can't keep sleeping on that rotten couch, can he? I know he had never got a proper sleep. . . Just tell him I want him to have it now…"

"You're okay, Hermione?"

"Yeah… Yeah… I mean… I'm fine…"

She forced a genuine small to him. He did not take it well; he knew she was hiding something from him. But he could do nothing now and so he just rose from his spot, ready to face Ron and tell him everything he could tell. His legs felt awfully horrible after sitting and hugging that long.

"It's not as if I'm gonna leave tomorrow, you know… Just tell you what I'm gonna do…"

"I know…"

He was more than sure that she was not going to sleep once he came out from this room. But once again, he could do nothing. She had to do this for his sake. And although he was now ruined as much as she was, he turned on his heel to go after saying "good night, Hermione" and then closed the door behind his back, clearly unaware of how his earlier words had affected the girl he was leaving behind.

_You're safe now…_

_You're both safe…_

_And I swear I'm gonna kill him, Hermione… And then make the world much more wonderful than ever for you and Ron to live…_

_I promise…._

_**You change the sound of my name**_

_**A moment of truth that I saw in your face**_

_**It hurts inside, A moment this vile**_

_**That you brought to life**_

_**All the roads lead back to you **_

_**Give me something to return to**_

_**In your heart**_

_**I fear nothing but to leave here**_

_**Without you for life**_

_**We were left in this world for each other**_

_**But I can't run from the fate**_

_**I've been fighting for so long **_

_**You made me who I am**_

_**Until the dawn of time I have... **_

_**...walked alone**_

_**You tied up a storm**_

_**When all hope was lost**_

_**But time revolves**_

_**I have to let go **_

_**What never meant to be **_

_**Give me something to return to in your heart**_

_**I fear nothing but to leave here**_

_**Without you for life **_

_**We were left in this world for each other**_

_**But I can't run from the fate I've been fighting for so long **_

_**Give me something to return to in your heart**_

_**I fear nothing but to leave here**_

_**Without you for life **_

_**Give me something to return to in your heart**_

_**I fear nothing but to leave here**_

_**Without you for life **_

_**We were left in this world for each other**_

_**But I can't run from the fate I've been fighting for so long **_

_**We were left in this world for each other**_

_**I can't run from the fate I've been fighting for so long**_

**FANvid OST ****.com/**

**watch?v=TXMz2H_1tmk**

**Tell me what you think, please… I need to hear it more than anything else lol :D thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey folks! sorry have been absent for ages! I've got too crazy terms here as a second year med student, but here you go! tell me what you think and please give supportice critical to it alright? thanks fro reading :)**

**Chapter 6**

The night chilling shore air would never feel well for anyone. The sky was incredibly dark. The sea looked all black, sometimes with glowing foams made by waves crushing to the sand or coral. The mixing sound between the two, added to the fact how really dark it actually was could just easily bring one's hair stood on end. There was no comfort at all in there; only reminding you from the loneliness, for the unending of hopeless feeling, for all the sick and pain you had been trying so hard to hide it down; only recalling bitter old memories where _he _was still kept under the cupboard under the stairs in the Dursleys.

His lips curved into a smile, a bitter one of course. He could easily picture it: young-himself in big clothes hanging from his body, saw how Dudley was loved and adored, how lonely he had really been just being able to see it from a distance. He was scared as hell when the unending nightmares came into his sleep, because nothing or no one could even make him feel better and be there comforting his racing heart, for what he was going to always find right after each of those dreams was a really thick of darkness engulfing him once more, swallowing his soft cries and trembles.

He had really been scared by the darkness. He terribly was scared with the darkness.

And that was what he would always have every night. Spending his night here with wild air, scary sky, and threading sea. He would always come here when everyone thought he had been asleep, thinking over about many things that had happened in his life, or might be going to happen about his future action or plan.

"_Harry!" Hermione cried._

"_I know!" Harry shouted. Unable to contain himself, he punched the air; it was more than he had dared to hope for. He strode up and down the tent, feeling that he could have run a mile; he did not even feel hungry anymore. Hermione was squashing Phineas Nigellus's portrait back into the beaded bag; when she had fastened the clasp she threw the bag aside and raised a shining face to Harry._

"_The sword can destroy Horcruxes! Goblin-made blades imbibe only that which strengthen them — Harry, that sword's impreg nated with basilisk venom!"_

"_And Dumbledore didn't give it to me because he still needed it, he wanted to use it on the locket —"_

"— _and he must have realized they wouldn't let you have it if he put it in his will —"_

"— _so he made a copy —"_

"— _and put a fake in the glass case —"_

"— _and he left the real one — where?"_

_They gazed at each other; Harry felt that the answer was dangling invisibly in the air above them, tantalizingly close. Why hadn't Dum bledore told him? Or had he, in fact, told Harry, but Harry had not realized it at the time?_

"_Think!" whispered Hermione. "Think! Where would he have left it?"_

"_Not at Hogwarts," said Harry, resuming his pacing._

"_Somewhere in Hogsmeade?" suggested Hermione._

"_The Shrieking Shack?" said Harry. "Nobody ever goes in there."_

"_But Snape knows how to get in, wouldn't that be a bit risky?"_

"_Dumbledore trusted Snape," Harry reminded her._

"_Not enough to tell him that he had swapped the swords," said Hermione._

"_Yeah, you're right!" said Harry, and he felt even more cheered at the thought that Dumbledore had had some reservations, however faint, about Snape's trustworthiness._

His smile grew wider at the thought. He did not remember ever having someone who could easily read and know what exactly was in his mind other than her, other than some certain girl he was never really sure how she had actually made him feel towards her.

Staring at the dark sky above unfocusedly and looked just like someone adoring the very beautiful night in summer breeze, Harry shook his head at the memory, feeling a familiar warmness spread on his chest.

_Ron wrenched the chain from over his head and cast the locket into a nearby chair. He turned to Hermione._

"_What are you doing?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Are you staying, or what?"_

"_I__…" She looked anguished. "Yes — yes, I'm staying. Ron, we said we'd go with Harry, we said we'd help —"_

"_I get it. You choose him."_

"_Ron, no — please — come back, come back!"_

_She was impeded by her own Shield Charm; by the time she had removed it he had already stormed into the night. Harry stood quite still and silent, listening to her sobbing and calling Ron's name amongst the trees._

_After a few minutes she returned, her sopping hair plastered to her face._

"_He's g-g-gone! Disapparated!"_

_She threw herself into a chair, curled up, and started to cry._

_He and Hermione ate breakfast in silence. Hermione's eyes were__puffy and red; she looked as if she had not slept._

_To his surprise, Hermione seemed to hear him just now, or at least, made him believe she could hear him because the lines she spoke after that was much more beyond his expectation._

_ "Ron…," she mumbled weakly._

_ Harry's eyes grew wide, unable to believe what his ears told him._

_ "Hermione…? Hermione, can you hear me?" he said, squeezing her hand back, hoping she could wake up and realized that he was there, letting her know that she was not on her own. But then, what she mustered was what surprised him even more._

_ "Ron… Ron, don't go… No, you're wrong! You're terribly wrong... Come back here you did not mean that….. I.. know you did not! Ronald… please come back here, you said yourself you wouldn't leave us, you said yourself you wouldn't leave him, you said yourself you would never ever leave me!" her voice was so hysterical, tearful and clear that Harry could not believe his eyes that she said that unconsciously…_

_ She still clutched his hand tightly and seemed so unaware of the hand belonged to Harry, someone who was not in her nightmare. He had turned pale. Harry had never seen Hermione have a nightmare before, moreover, never seen her mumbled helplessly in her dream._

Suddenly, his furrows knitted in deep thought, his smile grew weaker, and he lowered his gaze to his shoes, his mood changed in just a split second just because another memory came passing across his mind.

He was frowning now, wearing an expression anyone could easily read as a depressed-sad-bitter-sour one. His hands dig dipper into his pockets in his dirty jeans, clearly expressing uncomfortable feeling replacing the warm one on his chest. And slowly, his gaze felt hot and became blur by something cove ring his eye lens.

He blinked for several times before drawing deep breaths, calming himself down. He hated for being so weak, for being so easily vulnerable at times when he was supposed to be tough and strong; moreover, if the cause was so simple and he couldn't think any reason making sense enough of how he acted like this.

_Because perhaps the cause was not that simple, Harry…_

A small soft voice echoed in his head.

His body that was now rocking back and forth was actually reflecting the effect of the sound itself.

_But the-chosen-one can't be a baby just for this kind of matter, right?_

_ Maybe it's not about whether that is a baby's thing or not… Maybe it's just about how your healthy feeling reacts about it…_

_ And I'm supposed to act as a chosen-one, aren't I?_

_ No body forces you to…_

His eyes were now hot from the tears stinging on his eyes, forcing their way out of there. But he wouldn't give up in that kind of annoying yet embarrassing battle, and so he just closed his eyes and pressed his eyelids together, hoping he was gonna win at the end.

Tomorrow he would leave, and he should not have been crying for it! For anything about it!

He had accepted his own fate, hadn't he?

That he would eventually bring _him _to death with him. He would make sure that the Dark Lord was really with him at that time;and then creating a world much more safer and fun for everyone living on it…. For children so that they could share their love to their parents and siblings, for parents so they could happily watch their children grow without having to make any sacrifice that could make their children orphan… Just like him…

And for lovers so that they could share their endless love for each other…

Two very familiar faces appeared in his head; a man with bright ginger haired and a woman with beautiful curly browned hair, laughing at each other while holding hands and circling each arm around the other's back… Their faces looked illuminating from the real happiness they could not hide…

Those two people were the most important people in his life at this time. With all the sacrifice they had all this time made just for his sake, couldn't he just repay it back with what he could do to their future world? Flash of memories about how they had made him happy in the past crossed his mind. And it hurt him more than ever to realize that maybe he could not be present in their future anymore, that maybe, they could not accompany him anymore, that those memories playing in his mind at the moment might be the last ones they gave him. . .

He pressed his eyelids tighter altogether, breathing and steadying himself from breaking any deeper. His heart almost stopped beating when he heard her voice rising from his back.

"I can't just keep ignoring you're here in the night and dawn everyday for almost weeks now, Harry"

The younger figure of the woman in his head suddenly appeared from his back, wrapped in a very thick blanket she was supposed to wear at bed time. Her figure stood still on a pair of slippers Harry knew as her own, wearing unreadable expression and challenging his gaze. He was so surprised that could not make for any word for several seconds. Her face was illuminating under the moonlight, making it looked paler that he suddenly realize her actual condition.

"Hermione, you're not supposed to be here!"

His voice was rising for the fact of how scared he was for her. He nearly ran to reach her place, making sure he would be there if she had to fall or something.

"You're not supposed either, are you?" was her response in a steady voice full of challenge.

He had now been in arms reach distance to her spot, but did nothing as he was not prepared for this kind of meeting he had somehow felt familiar with.

She looked at him with such an intense gaze that he could not think of anything to respond to her. Thinking that he'd better start speaking and walked her back to her supposed place, Harry cleared his throat before speaking.

"I… uhm… I… You know how I always need plenty time on my own, don't you, Hermione? I was just taking my mind of… things… you know… Nothing's wrong with that…"

"Have to be very big ones that you don't want to share to anyone, haven't they? Letting yourself drown in it on your own deepest mind…"

"Hermione _please_… we've talked about this, havent't we?"

"Yes… but… Would you just please tell me how I'm supposed to react to this, Harry? How can I let you be from things that actually tearing you inside? Because I've tried… And I know I fail… I terribly fail and can just annoy you, don't I?"

It was not about how the words were spoken so softly yet felt stabbing to his chest at the same time, but how those beautiful warm chocolate brown eyes were staring at his green and told him how hurt and pain he had caused her to feel… One day, those eyes could really be his cause of death…

And in time when that gaze burnt his own, inner debate was soon taking his mind…

_Didn't she deserve to know, Harry?_

_No…_

_ With all the sacrifice she's made all this time for you?_

_ No…. No… This is all for her best…_

_ Her best in what? Her best to what if what it causes her to feel just pain?_

_ She's gonna thank me in the future…_

_ Thank for what? For finally leaving her and Ron behind without knowing the real cause of your terrible death?_

The thought made him wince. He just hoped that he'd die as Harry Potter appearance, not like another him…

"You're gonna be leaving soon, aren't you?"

For a moment he forgot that she was there studying him. When he brought his eyes once more to hers, the pain curved so clearly all over her face that he could almost feel it pulse with each heart beat.

"Hermione I… You're gonna find it out on your own, you know… When the time… _comes_…"

The words he had just said were covered with his inner emotional feeling; his voice choked when saying the last word, containing some meaning he was not so sure Hermione could catch. His breath suddenly grew deeper without him realizing it.

However, what can be missing from Hermione's watch? For she suddenly escaped a sob from her mouth even though her left hand had clasped on it; a tear rolled down on her cheek even though she had closed her eyes tightly.

_She felt it Harry… She sensed it…_

_ Brilliant of her of course…._

A small smile, a bitter one, played on his lips, but soon faded when she opened her eyes again to look at him. Pool of tears had now sat on her eyes, ready to spill out any seconds.

"In _what _kind of _time_, Harry?"

The words did no good at all at his already heavy breath. He looked away from hers, unable to look straight to those eyes anymore, eyes that could easily suck the life out of him…

"Do I need to even elaborate it for you, Hermione?" his voice harsh even for his own ears yet said in a very meaningful tone he was not sure whether she could catch what he meant from the very first place.

But she did.

Two tears had now run on her cheeks. She raised her right arm to him, her thumb gently landed on his forehead, where the famous scar that made his fate was laid behind his ponytails. Her other fingers landed on his temple, causing him to close his eyes and lean on it. Carefully she moved his ponytails aside, making the scar that looked thicker now visible clearly to her. More tears rolled down on her beautiful cheeks. Harry had to resist urges to wipe them by forming desperate fists with his hands.

"Yes…. Because I _need _to hear it… I need to _cope _with whatever you're planning… Plans that you never let me be there helping you to reach it…"

"Because you _can't_… "

The words already been held by his tongue slipped out innocently from his mouth even before he realized it. Green now melted with brown once more.

"I _can't_…"

She repeated for confirmation, searching for his eyes, as it actually killed her inside not to be a useful help for her best friend.

"You _can't_…" said Harry assuring.

She shook her head, now crying freely before him. Her sobs made her body rock back and forth, and he really had no heart to see her like this… to know that actually he was all the cause of her like this…

Without any farther thought, he closed the gap between them, pulling her to his arms to sob freely on his chest. His arms enveloped her back protectively whilst her arms cling to his shoulders, her nails digging there, resisting the pain she hid inside. His shirt was soon wet as her sobs grew louder against his chest, causing his heart to beat wildly against it. He could even follow its lub-dup ryhtm freely now; what a sound it made to his bare ears. Tears soon flooded his cheeks, realizing that maybe, sometime in his near _future _she would check its sound again. And when she did not find one, maybe the _time _she had asked him before would have already come.

With heavy breaths he tried his best to sooth them both. He kissed the top of her head over and over again, making sure she knew that he was there for her; he was _still _there at least.

As if hearing his thought out loud, her sobs grew even wilder. The desperation and unbelievable sadness she was feeling were shouted out loud to their surrounding, to him. And his heart had now broken into tiny pieces.

Suddenly her sobs became indistinct moans to him. Panic soon attacked him to realize that she was not in a good health at all.

"Hermione? Hermione what's…"

But before he finished his question, she was losing her balance and ready to slip off the ground, only to be prevented with her right hand gripping his shoulder when her left one had now gripped a certain spot on her chest. Her eyes closed enduring the pain, and her moans had now turned into shuddering breaths.

"I've told you, you're not supposed to be here, you know ! You're not in a good state Hermione for Dear Merlin's sake! Here, let me…"

With a terrible chest and throat ache for enduring his own sobs, Harry started to lift her body up; his left arm found its place behind her neck when his right one behind her knees. Without making any statement or permission to her first, with bridal style he carried her towards the cottage. His feet stepped as quickly as they allow him to. He could no longer resist his own tears, imagining what kind of curse that actually had been used by Bellatrix Lestrange that could leave such a great print on her body that she did not recover soon. His raced mind failed him in noticing the girl in his arms who was looking at his face neatly, studying how worried and pale it had turned to just for her sake.

She did not know how long she watched him like that but suddenly the corner of her lips curled up into a small smile. She had never seen him like that before. And although she knew that act could be an inappropriate one, she could not help it.

Soon they had arrived at the door to her room, which was held open for she had been rushing to catch him earlier. He just went inside and rush towards her bed. Gently he laid her on it, sweat was now visible on his temples, probably for being too scared for her, his hair rumpled even worse than earlier, and he looked about to cry and terribly worried for her.

"How're you feeling? Where does it hurt?"

His questions were such a rush that Hermione almost missed the words.

She was going to calm him down when the pain struck her once more, making her squeeze his wrist tighter and Harry more scared than ever. Without warning, he raised himself from the margin of the bed, ready to stand and run to call Fleur for her.

"I'm going to call Fleur an-"

"No… No Harry I'm… fine…

"B-But-"

"It'll pass away, trust me…"

Her voice sounded chaotic for her own ears due to the pain she had no idea why was coming in a sudden when she had really felt well for days. She said that closing her eyes, trying her best to soothe the pain down, not really watching Harry's face when he was saying the next words to her.

"Would you like me to call Ron for you?"

The words slipped from his tongue innocently, no pain within his tone at all. But Hermione snapped her eyes open at the mentioning of his boyfriend. She knew Harry was never comfortable with it, things with her and Ron. But his sincerity in offering that kind of thing made her realize how scared he might have been for her and felt desperate to think he would not be any better help than Ron for her.

When she found his face once more, she knew that it was all written over there.

Inhaling deeply, she knew she could just _misuse _her condition, this condition, in being only with him and in order to seek truth from him about his current state and thing seemed so complicated in his mind. Her hand found its place around his wrist, gripping tightly there while her eyes begged for him to stay.

"No… No Harry… Thank you but _no_… Just… Just stay with me for a moment, would you?"

It was a very smooth one.

Harry seemed hesitated at first, but then feeling her grip grew stronger, he knew he should be here supporting her. If there were anytime of his that could be used as a payment-back for what she had done to him through all those accidents to him that placed him n the hospital wing to be served by Madam Pomfrey, this would be it.

He lowered himself to sit at the bed, now squeezed her hand back as a sign of support to her. He knew how she needed him more than anyone did now.

"Where does it hurt?" the words seemed bluntly from his tongue before he could hold it back.

She opened eyes, suddenly looking into his eyes with a smile playing on her lips; smile Harry could not really understand the meaning. She linked her fingers with his, giving a squeeze on it before answering his question.

"You do know about this pain so well, don't you, Harry? You've felt it for several times now, haven't you?"

Her voice choked and she could not go on with her words, for now she was blinking her eyes rapidly so the tears that had been sitting on her beautiful eyes would not spill. Harry gaped at her response, slightly confused in the way she was supposed to answer his earlier question.

But then realization hit him before his brain could really proceed.

Not really sure whether he was supposed to feel embarrassed or angry, his attempt in answering her question was again cut by her voice.

"Does it… does it always feel like…that? Like… this? When… When _he _does it to you?"

This time he smiled. A really genuine smile, although missed by her, for she was now looking at the ceiling for a distraction of her feeling for this young man sitting beside her.

"I guess… Yes… But I can never arrange a really assuring fake story like you did, anyway… In fact, I feel I'd never be able to… You were amazing Hermione… You really are… Do you realize that you might have beaten all those death eaters with that ability? _He _always tortures them whenever he wants the whole genuine truth he feels he does not get yet because they're covering it . . ."

He closed his speech by putting a genuine smile on his lips and an obvious pride for her in his shining eyes. She was firstly stunned by his unexpected gestures, but returned the smile quite sincerely.

"You can always do it too… when you do it with your sincerest love of your life… And no, Harry…. I'm no better than you, at all…"

He grinned.

"Yeah… I wish you could look to his face when he heard you scream like that… You have really changed the prat a lot from that night… "

She closed her eyes once more, shaking her head fiercely and resisting the urge to yell at him for never considering himself to be the most important thing in her life, too other than Ron.

"Harry James Potter, can you please do me just one favor? For not considering that Ron's actually the one I'm talking about all the time? The one I'm always referring to each time we talk about love or anything important in my life? The one I always mean every time I need support?"

Her rising voice was more than enough to shut him up and tear his smile away from his lips.

"Well… I just-"

"What? Putting yourself out of our topic do I could just forget about whatever I'm curious about you? Whatever I'm supposed to question you?"

"What? I… Hermione, how could you! I… just thought you might often want to talk about him due to the fact-"

"What fact, Harry? What fact? The fact that maybe your position in my life has now been really lower than Ron or anybody else just because the prat has now found some good bravery to finally confess his feeling towards me?"

"I… Bloody hell Hermione, what are you talking about? I don't… I… never-"

"Don't you dare deny it Harry James Potter! If there's anything you should never be able to do in front of me, it is lying! I would not even try if I were you, you know!"

Her words snapped him shut. His hands forming into fists resisting the feeling he was now feeling inside her chest. Was it anger? Guilty? Embarrassment?

He had never got any chance to find that out, for Hermione had noticed his breath had now become raging and heavy, his eyes had gone unfocusedly, and his face had blushed. She immediately covered his fist with her delicate hand, giving it a little squeeze so he would look at her again. And when he did, she took a deep breath before stepping farther in their talking.

"You feel left out, don't you? Feel as if… we don't need you anymore, now… don't you, Harry?"

She had prepared herself for his shout of denial, had prepared her wand to cast a quick silence charm on the door in case his famous temper would take control. She had even held her breath waiting for his response she had previously predicted. But when neither of her expectations about his action next happened, she realized how broken this young man had become.

Instead of shouting at her with accusing tone like anyone would guess, he stayed quiet. His shoulders went hunched; his breath held back, his figure stayed still. Hermione's heart beat felt stopped while waiting desperately for his response. The agony of her heart breaking just to see him like this was more than anything she ever felt.

Suddenly, his lips curved into a smile, although his eyes did not focus at her at all.

"So, I've been really obvious now, eh?"

She had to swallow hard and blinked her eyes for several times to hold the tears back.

She waited for him to look up again to her eyes, but when he did not, she raised his chin so he would focus to her once more. She needed him to look into her eyes so she could make sure that he understood what she was about to say.

"Harry… Harry, look at me, please…"

For her, it felt like reading her most favorite book with blunt words and details to understand immediately when their eyes once again met. Despair, lone, fear, powerless, and… was it love? Steadying her breath, she was prying to anyone above to let her words sink in his head, and he would stop acting like this anymore.

"You were never left out by me and Ron, and I swear I will never let that happen. Whatever is going on between Ron and I will never… ever make you less important for us than before… We _love _you and I'm begging you to understand that fact, to let it sink in your head, that we will never leave you… Or that maybe we want you to leave because we might now have finally found each other, Harry, _please_… You're torturing me if you keep that idea in your mind, you know that? We love you, Harry… I _love _you…"

His mind went blank the time he heard the three words. But he soon shook it away and let her previous words sank in his mind.

"I… It's not that I'm not happy for you… Hermione… It's… I… I don't know what's gotten into me really, that I might feel that way about you, guys… I guess it's just the big ordeal consuming my mind that I might not be able to think properly, you know? Don't worry, Hermione… It'll pass, really"

He added assuring smile on his lips and a friendly pat on the back of her hand.

But she knew that his smile did not reach his eyes.

For a moment he expected her to keep interrogating him, for her eyes intensely stared at his, making him nervous enough to suddenly sweat like that. He clenched his fists, resisting the uncomfortable silence. If he were able, he swore he would like to tell everything to her right now. Never once in his life did he ever bring some huge burden like that. He knew his life had never been easy, and he understood how it seemed that almost everyone said that he inherited James' gift: _To be found by trouble even though he might never look for it_.

But this _thing… This particular thing _the girl before him was craving to know so bad…

_No, No you can't tell her now. You must never tell her. If there were people you are forbidden to tell this matter, she would be on the first list, Harry…_

Seeing the inner debate taking over him, Hermione laid her hand on his, making him a little surprised and taken aback from his muse. She squeezed it lightly, telling him silently that she was there to listen, if there was anything he couldn't stand saving for his own. But when he brought his eyes once more to her, he knew he could easily deny what his health mind had just told him moments ago.

"It doesn't have to, Harry…." Were words that unexpectedly come out from her lips.

He was about to open his mouth, but shut by her next words.

"It doesn't have to pass if you don't want it to…"

"What? No, no Hermione I didn't mean it like that! I was just saying that I might- You know with all these thoughts and everything, I… I was just saying that I might have been like that because of… because of- Oh have I mentioned too that I might miss Ginny very much?"

She was staring at him. Her expression was unreadable. Harry silently pried she would just believe at this stupid little speech he swore he must have looked so stupid in front of her. But he could just careless anyway.

"Don't you understand? I just have this marauder's map showing me everything happening at Hogwarts, including Ginny and what she was doing. But, but – here I am, having to save the world on my own without her and I just… I just happen to have to see you and Ron finally found each other and be extremely happy about it and what you're going through… I mean all of… this… you and him… well… I don't mean to be rude about it Hermione… I'm saying that… that… that-"

"That you might as well feel jealous with us being able to find happiness together in this mean time when you can just stand on your spot and watch and suddenly realize how you terribly miss her very much, don't you?"

She finished for him smoothly, might as well saved him from what he felt as a very weak lie yet he hoped she had no choice but believe it.

Finally, he could ever find a reason other than the happening war and horcrux.

Only what he saw in her eyes was something he swore he had never seen before.

"Yeah… exactly… but, Hermione… What's wrong? Did I mention something stupid about you and Ron? Did I… Did I just mention-"

She shook her head. The small smile playing on her lips was contrast comparing to the sudden-dim eyes she was wearing. He did not miss it.

"No, Harry… No you didn't… It's… Nothing's wrong really… I was just… I was just being stupid on never considering this… possibility- I mean… I mean you and Ginny… Well I… I-"

"Might have forgotten everything about me and her, haven't you? That she was maybe… too _far _to be recalled… too old-"

"I thought you've broken with her and not once… not once rem- you know I was starting to think that you might now realize your feeling towards… No no no, I was saying that - God what was I thinking? Nothing Harry, really… My apology, I forgot…_that… _It was so stupid of me… It was… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry"

_Might now realize that I can't see you with anyone else, Hermione… Might now realize that this heart might not want to let you go to be with him… Might just realize how I'm terribly …in love with you…_

"Yeah… she did seem too far away until I got a chance to see how happy you actually are with Ron… No problem, Hermione… It was part of my mistake too…"

He smiled, but not enough to cover how broken his heart now was.

"You must have missed her very much, huh?"

_I miss you . . ._

"Yeah… I guess…"

"I'm sorry, Harry… I-"

"No, Hermione… really… it was stupid really… I was acting like a kid when I'm supposed to be the real… chosen one… huh? I was… I was supposed to let her go… with all this stuff and chaos… and-"

"You're gonna have a bright future with her, Harry… You're gonna live through this… We're gonna live through this… and finally be able to find happiness we're all craving about…"

"Yeah… I hope… but… I can't promise her anything, really… In fact I can't promise anyone anything…"

She did not miss the despair he wore in his seemed-light voice. She did not miss the way he was talking as if it was the most obvious fact in the world.

"You don't need to… 'cause you're gonna prove it… right?"

_Prove that I was a part of him that needed to be destroyed too… to finally let what you and Ron… and everyone have the bright world without him hovering…_

"I guess…"

But she didn't miss the thick voice saying the words. And gently she squeezed his hand lightly, telling him he was always gonna have her support there for him, no matter what. Sometimes, she swore she couldn't tell which boy she was actually having feeling on. She knew that she and Ron were together now, and she was sure she felt happy about it.

But this boy… she had not forgotten the fact that she had ever had a huge crush on him. It always seemed too far away to recall, now that Ron was with her. But she always wondered, how it could possible feel to be with him, being the one supporting him, the most important one on his misery life.

"Harry…"

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind looking at me?"

She was pleading. And he sensed it. He kept prying that he would not do anything stupid tonight. And so he brought his eyes on hers, not even bothering to cover it with anything. He knew he did not need to. The pain written all across his face was something making her chest ache for just seeing it. She was right, though. He was not alright at all.

"I know you're extremely tired with all I'm doing to get you talk to me about what actually was bothering your mind. I know that Vold-"

"DON'T!"

She shook his head and cleared her throat. Her grip on his hand tensed while recalling the most excruciating moment in her life.

"I mean… _him_… and wars… are things that are in the first list of your mind right now that might make you act… like… this… and then there was Ginny you were saying, to cloud your mind too, but… but I'm also fully aware that there's huge thing… this… huge burden you're covering up you're not letting anyone know about it until the right time comes, like you always said… and so… for the first time in my life I can't tell what it possibly is and uhm… I… I know that it's killing you inside, no matter how bad I want to help but if you said I just couldn't, then… well… Just… just… would you forgive me for everything I've ever said about this matter that I know could possibly hurt you worse than the thing itself?"

She closed her speech and left him gasped to just hear it.

"Are you mad? Hermione, I'm the one who should apologize to you and Ron and-"

"No! No Harry this is huge part of my mistake too, I was… I was too determined to-"

"You know what? It really kills me inside to not to be able to tell you about this… huge thing, you're saying… It really kills me inside, Hermione… You're right… But what dreads me most is that… what if I tell you this and then I kill you inside too? Or worse… I… destroy you… and Ron maybe… and then I can't fix it altogether again… I… I just can't let that happen… I love you too much to even imagine about that… I love you too much…"

_I really do… Oh God… I really do…_

"Trust me, you don't wanna hear it… I swear… Let's just let the time uncover it and… hope we can stand it…"

"So… I guess you're _really_ saying that… I… we're gonna have to let you go on your own and continue… this hunt… also on your own and we're just gonna have to wait here clueless about anything you're going through and then after sometime… we're gonna know what you mean in the past… what you mean, now… aren't you?"

The fact that her voice broke, her breath hitched, and her eyes glistened with tears threatening to spill out did not help him at all. So he just held her hand, squeezed it gently, and said something his brain and tongue had held him all this time.

"All I can say is that… the prophecy's wrong… It's… the whole point it's saying… it's… it's not entirely true… And I'm gonna fix it… and only me can fix it, me alone…"

But now her tears spilled, and a sob she had been holding, escaped before she could control it. He was about to say something comforting her but her next reaction stopped him.

"So… at least I'm right, huh? Prophecy doesn't make sense… And Trelawney was crap in it…" a half-heartened laugh came with her words, something lighting the mood between them, and so he couldn't help but smiled with her.

"Yeah.. you're right… prophecy sucks… and so does Trelawney by the way…"

He smiled slightly, recalling their third year when she found out how ridiculous their prophecy class with Trelaweney. They were so innocent back then, having no idea that eventually his life would be defined by it.

"Yeah… but I just hope… the things she said about you in the prophecy… it's worse than the one you're gonna fix…"

_Actually it's better, Hermione, much better… the real one you don't have any idea about… it's ten times worse…_

He looked up at her and just smiled. And when he said nothing while keeping staring at her, she sensed what the smile covered behind.

"So… it's not worse, eh? The one she was saying… and the one you're referring… it's… it's much worse, isn't it?"

He kept smiling, not bothering to deny it any further. His health mind was screaming at him to stop talking to her about the ordeal, but his heart denied its voice and kept enjoying the talk. Secretly he slightly wished that she was the one going to uncover the thing he kept for himself for so long that he felt he could just explode. It was like he lived for nothing but died wasn't it?

"I guess I don't need to answer it further… do I?"

She snorted.

"Yeah… pretty much… life's never easy and simple for the Chosen One, huh? I hate that title very much, Harry… I'm sorry but I do… I really do"

She could not bring her eyes to him while saying that. But the emotion she was using, Harry knew how desperate she now must felt.

"You have no idea how I do hate it… My life's been defined, I can't do nothing but follow it… Might sound like that muggle superhero thing don't you think? Make me want to puke…"

Said through a very thick voice, the words struck her like a train had just hit her body. She couldn't breath, she couldn't speak, she couldn't move. Time felt stop spinning when his words broke her heart in tiny pieces… the fact that he was leaving… the fact he might not come back to tell her about his success… she felt like she had just got stroke… but before she could react any further, he raised his hand holding hers before, using his thumb to wipe the streaming tears on her cheeks, and put a piece of her hair behind her ears… a gesture he had never done on her before…

"Ron's very lucky, you know… I would give everything I got just to switch on places with him… but he's a very good man and… he deserves everything he's got now… and I won't let anyone grab it all from him… he's my very first best friend… and… I'd be more than just glad… to try… to… give him and everyone he loved a very peaceful world without _him _… to live… we all have our own fates, right? So, I… I don't mind… at all… although what he kept saying all this time about the fame and stuff… I've never asked for it, Hermione… And I'm not proud of having it… not one bit… and his words about me never knowing how it felt to be on wars without family on our side… he was… right… I've no idea what that was like… 'Cause I don't have one and . . . it's still early to tell if I'm gonna make one myself. The difference is that he yelled it all upon my face when you didn't… talk about it even for a sec… how you must terribly miss your parents… who don't even know you by now… who don't even know that they have a brilliant kid helping some crap immature guy save the world on his own… They must be very proud of you, you know… for once in your life… Did you ever wonder that maybe… you're just too kind for being someone, Hermione? Did you ever wonder that maybe… you're just too generous to keep asking how people are doing and insist on knowing their conditions first before your own… ? You'll be a great best friend anyone can ask for… and thank god you are to me… you'll be an incredible wife anyone can possibly ask for, and you'll be a fantastic mom loved even by your children's friends… 'cause you know what? They're not gonna find what they find in you… And if I might say… once again… Ron's gonna stand there with his wide smile, waiting for his bride to come down the aisle… which is… can be very possibly you, you know… And everyone's gonna celebrate it… and although I can't tell where I will be at that moment, I know at least I'm just gonna be extremely glad to finally be able to destroy him so he won't get any chance to bother your wedding party anymore…"

Honestly, he didn't know what he was saying, because for the first time in his life, he just let his words spill from his heart, for the first time in his life, he was thinking by his heart, not his brain. But something about his speech had to be touching her heart, for then her tears were even heavier than before, and he kept wiping them with his thumb. She shook her head, then held the hand that was holding her cheek. She squeezed it for strength, and he returned it whole-heartedly.

"Why are you saying this to me, Harry? What's your…? What do you mean…? Can't I say the same things about Ginny too? Is there anything you know I haven't understood enough? 'Cause for whole my life, I always love analyzing, I always like solving any crap riddles everyone throwing at me… even with Ron… But… but I hate it, Harry… I _do hate _riddles when it comes to you because I usually just can sort of… read your mind, say things you're just about to say, do things you want me to without you even saying it out loud… but when I can't… or when I feel I can but how I wish I were just so wrong-so… completely wrong Harry I-"

"Because I'm leaving, and I might not come back to make sure you do hear me saying all this… and no, you can't… because I don't deserve her, and… she's got a very bright future without me in the way… I'm 17 years old now, and half, but… I just want you to know… if there's ever anything God – or whatever up there- gives me to make my life much easier than it actually is, if there's ever anything, the most priceless thing happening to me, it's… it's never been Ginny, you know… and it's not Ron… it's… it's you, Hermione… yeah, it's you… and I'm gonna make sure you know it…"

Her sobs grew heavier and her shoulders shook wildly. He knew it was because his little speech, but he was glad to finally be able to say it all out before her.

_I might just leave tomorrow, and I know that I'm not gonna see you anymore…_

"You know what Dumbledore once said about the power he knows not but I do? It's love… and how am I supposed to know what it was Hermione, when I lived with the Dursleys and I got no sibling left to care about? If it's not for you, well, I don't know what can be… you're the very first person my whole body pried for you to live when you got hit by Dolohov in fifth year… You know what? I can't take it… to just imagine that he's gonna come and torture you in front of my eyes when I'm so powerless about it…"

He stopped, watching the effect of his words on her, letting them sink in her head.

_You might as well say 'I'm in love with you, Hermione' indirectly to her, you idiot!_

_ I don't care…_

_ Well, that's great ! then you might as well care about NOTHING! You broke her more you prat!_

_ I'm telling her the truth…_

"I… Harry… I'm… I'm not that good, I'm not that kind… if there's ever anything telling you what love actually is… it's … it's because you do have a generous heart here you don't even realize you do…"

She laid a hand on his left chest, right upon where his heart beat wildly from his emotion he was holding. He shook his head.

"And… I… I'm just trying to…- Harry, what's wrong with your eyes?"

All of sudden, out of nowhere, he shut his eyes right away. He knew what she possibly was referring to. His worst fear was coming, he could sense it.

_No, you idiot! You can't show up right now! Not now, bloody hell not now!_

"What's wrong Harry? Are you in pain? Is that-"

"Hermione I should go… we'll continue this later, okay? I should go… I-"

He kept his head down with shut eyes. He knew he should control himself. He knew he could not just suddenly _change into _some horrible creature least human right in front of her. Hes should keep his emotion calmed, control it at his very best, and left before it got too bad. Quickly.

But suddenly she gripped his arm even more tighter and not showing any signs to let it go.

"No! No, I'm not letting you go! You're not well and we haven't finished talking!"

"Let me go, Hermione, I'm begging to you, let me go!"

"No… No Harry, please, no, don't do this to me, no… What happened? We can talk it out- we can work it out… I can help you with it just-"

The fact that her sobs grew wilder than anything he had ever heard before tore his heart apart. He couldn't take it any longer. He couldn't let her see the color of his eyes right now. He couldn't.

"Hermione, please… Please… I'm asking you now… let… me… go… I've gotta go… I can hurt you, you know… And it's the last thing I wish I would do, Hermione, please… I can't let you see-"

"I KNOW WHAT I SAW, HARRY! DON'T YOU DARE DENY IT ANY FURTHER NOW! Please… Stay… Stay here… We're gonna talk this out and we're gonna make it better, okay? You can't hurt me, I know you want to, but you can't… and I'm not afraid… Harry, please… please, I'm begging you…"

And her gesture after that made his defense break. He couldn't take it. He couldn't take it any longer now. He had been right when he sensed that tonight was gonna be a very long night for both of them.

_She saw it… she knew it…_

_ What if she freaked out?_

_ No, she won't. She's Hermione Granger she's not gonna freak out because she sees you._

_ But I don't even know if I'm still me anymore! I'm disgusting, I can fully change into him and I don't wanna do it right before her eyes!_

_ Just keep calm Potter you're not making it any better if you keep struggling with your moron sensitive feeling! Just let it go! You need help and she's the only one can offer it!_

_ But she might not give it…_

_ Just shut the hell up and face her! _

_ I can't… Please… Please God, wherever you are… Please… I can't… I can't…_

Sensing that he was about to cry, Hermione pulled him back sitting on her bed. She took his hand away from his face and brought his head up to be able to look at him.

"DON'T! Hermione you have no idea what you're doing now so just please let me go so_… _I… I…-"

" Harry James Potter I've told you what I thought I saw and for merlin sake I'm not any moron suspecting that you're not you! I'm not gonna see anyone but you Harry! You're not turning to someone else, trust me, Harry you're not!"

Despite his other mind screaming at him to stop listening to her, listening to how those words were said in this voice made Harry keep still on his spot. Merlin knew how scared he was, and with trembling hands the girl before him held firmly, he knew he was doing right.

"Now please, look at me, Harry… I need you to look at me…"

_She's lying, Harry…._

Some cold icy voice hissed inside his skull. He closed his eyes tighter, he knew he should keep ignoring it.

_No she's not... She can't…_

_Oh yeah she is… She's gonna tell you she won't but she will, Harry Potter… She will.._

_No… You're lying…_

"No… No…, Hermione please don't make me… you're gonna regret it… "

_And there little mudblood will still find a way to insist you…_

_ Just shut up!_

_ What are you doing, Harry? You're looking for love now, huh? There's no such things… There's no such thing as love… and you are a fool Harry Potter… You're gonna lose her… Oh yeah you're gonna lose her… Just like when you lost your pathetic Mum and Dad, just like when you lost your embarrassing godfather, just like when you lost-_

_ SHUT THE HELL UP! I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU TOUCH HER!_

_ Go Potter… Go show what we have now… what you have… and I'll laugh when she saw you in disgust…_

_ SHE'S NOT GONNA SEE ME IN DISGUST…_

"I'm not gonna regret anything, Harry! Would you just shut it and open your eyes so I can see what's wrong and help you-"

"YOU SAW WHAT'S WRONG AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA SEE AGAIN WITHOUT DISGUICE? FINE! JUST SEE MY FREAKING EYES HERMIONE!"

Time stopped when he saw her expression upon looking at him. Shock, disbelief, disgust… he could tell all of it.

_There you go little friend… She's scared… Oh how she's shocked… Just look at her face hahahahahahahaha….._

_ No… No… No Hermione won't…_

_ You can tell what kind of expression she's wearing now other than shock and disguice?_

_ Alright then… so maybe I can just scare her enough and make her hate me so she can let go off me…_

"Happy, now, are we? They're beautiful, right? They're not green anymore… They're not mine anymore, Hermione… They're not mine anymore! They're his… they're blood red… and you know what? I've gotta freaking die with him! When Dumbledore and his crappy plans always told me that it was love that was gonna make me defeat him! With all those horcruxes out there he wished I could find… ME HERMIONE! ME! I'M SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD AND HE SEEMED TO THINK THAT IT WAS NOTHING! THAT I'M AS WISE AND AS BRILLIANT AS HIM! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? ALL THIS TIME HE WAS JUST TRYING TO SAY THAT I WAS GONNA RAISED ENOUGH, GONNA BE TRAINED ENOUGH, GONNA BE TREATED AND FED PROPERLY SO THAT WHEN I TURNED TO SEVENTEEN MY LIFE WOULD BE ENOUGH TO LIVE AND THAT I JUST HAVE TO KILL _HIM _WITH ALSO ME BEING DEAD! BECAUSE HE CAN'T REALLY DIE WHEN I DON'T I'M BRINGING PART OF HIS SOUL! THAT I'M A HORCRUX TOO! THAT'S GONNA EXPLAIN EVERYTHING ABOUT HOW POWERFUL I MIGHT'VE BEEN, HOW QUICK I'M THINKING, HOW SHARP MY INSTINCT IS, HOW FAST I REACT IN DUELLING WHEN I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I CAN DO THAT! AND YOU KNOW WHO TOLD ME THIS? IT'S FREAKING SNIVELLUS SNAPE! AND I THOUGHT ALL THIS TIME HE WAS ON HIS SIDE WHEN HE WAS ACTUALLY THE ONE CARING ABOUT ME SO MUCH TO RISK HIMSELF SENDING HIS MEMORIES WITH THE SWORD! TO TELL ME WHAT HERMIONE? TO TELL ME THAT I'M DYING, AND I'VE GOTTA DIE EVEN IF I STILL WANT TO LIVE, EVEN IF I'M SO FREAKING YOUNG BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOU-KNOW-FREAKING-WHO IS GONNA LIVE THROUGH ME! NOW TELL ME HERMIONE! TELL ME HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE, A VERY BAD CRAPPY ONE I SHOULD ADD BECAUSE WHEN I'M TRYING TO THINK ABOUT IT OVER AND DENY IT FURTHER, THE MORE I BECOME HIM AND THE MORE OFTEN HE SHOWED UP I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I'M STILL ME OR HIM! BUT YOU KNOW THE WORST PART? HOW CAN I KNOW WHAT LOVE DUMBLEDORE MEANT IF I'M HIM? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL HOW POWERFUL LOVE CAN BE WHILE I MIGHT AS WELL HURT THOSE I LOVE! WHAT KIND OF JOKE IS TTHAT? I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SIBLING-LY LOVE AND LOVERS LOVE OR EVEN FAMILY LOVE OR EVEN LUST DESIRE FOR SEX BECAUSE WHEN THERE IS NO GINNY OR CHO CHANG AROUND, I'M LOOKING AT YOU AND RON AND HOW HAPPY YOU TWO ARE AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF GET JEALOUS OR JUST SICK OF MY MIND OR EVEN SCARED AND WORRIED ABOUT YOU BECAUSE I MIGHT GUESS THAT RON'S NOT A RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU! BUT HEY! HOW CAN I TELL IT IF I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW I FEEL TOWARDS YOU, I DON'T EVEN-"

But Harry Potter can never finish his rambling, could never let out all his mind had been saving for himself, could never let out what his heart seemed to have exploded by the proof of how words flew from his mouth without even being considered, for his best friend named Hermione Granger had found the simplest way to stop his rambling, calmed him down, and even answered all those questions he yelled at her face: she kissed him.

She kissed him.

Hermione Jean Granger kissed Harry James Potter.

Lips to lips.

There was no need in describing how he felt. His broken heart exploded in agony cheers as he knew for sure that it was the most precious moment in his life. And as surprised as he was, he would never just let go of her for giving him the most valuable moment in his life in the most right time when he needed it desperately.

It was soft shy sensual kiss in the beginning when he was still surprised. But then he kissed her back with all the unsaid words he felt for her, with all his feeling towards her, how he'd felt these weeks, how he missed her so bad, how sorry he was for hurting her, for making her cry like Ron did in the past, but worse… how he desperately wanted her but could not even reach for her, how he did not want to go leave her even though staying meant he had to watch Ron being her man taking care of her by her side 24 hrs, how he was terribly scared to have to choose between dying or becoming the next voldermort, how he wanted to reach for happiness in life but apparently he was supposed to live for 17 years in the world with 10 years of it being kept under a dark small cupboard under the stairs, 6 and nearly a half years not knowing how he felt towards her, and recent weeks where what he could do was just either hurting her or seeing her when he was struggling his best to cope with his fate….

And so it was not a soft and shy kiss anymore, because even if his tears finally ran freely on his cheeks, his hands had found their way on her back, when hers had found her way on his neck, and then moved up to his hair, and Harry mentally swore he did not mind her messing it much more than they had always been. The kiss got hotter and deeper, it was not like ones he had with Cho or Ginny, it was like having the deepest talk words would fail them to convey, because now they pressed their bodies even tighter and Harry had no desire to let go of it, he did not know when he'd end it, because he did not want to. And he was surprised when his mind told him that he would not mind die running out of oxygen because of it, right now, in her arms, with her kissing him back madly. And it was not until he felt her tears ran heavier than his and she held back a sob when he suddenly decided to pull away.

"Hermione? Hermione are you alright?"

He started to panic when she did not answer, but her sobs grew louder and her body shook even heavier when the reality just struck him like a train:

_She had just kissed you, moron! She had already had a boyfriend whom she seemed to love and loved her back who happened to be your best friend but she HAD JUST KISSED YOU!_

_ She's sorry…_

_ Of course she's so freaking sorry for kissing you! And you should have too! You betrayed him! You betrayed Ron!_

_ She's sorry because she was kissing me… She's so sorry for kissing me… Shes's..-_

And despite the ache that had now known found its way back to sit on his left chest, he forced himself to sound strong for her sake.

"Hermione I'm… I don't… I've no idea what I just did I mean… I… I'm sorry if I made you… I… I never intended to… I know you're sorry and it was nothing and we could just go like that but… but… I… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry Hermione I'm-"

For suddenly she raised her head to look at him made Harry stop talking. Her gaze was intense but he could not tell if it was anger because he did not see one. Or he could not see maybe? Because what he'd just been through was the best killer pain for his pain for all these weeks.

She looked up at his face, and stared into his eyes.

_My eyes… God did she cry because she realized she might have just kissed 'him' as well?_

But then she smiled through her tears...

And it was the most genuine smile Harry knew she had ever had, because it was growing wider and finally her hands found their way to his temple. She framed his face with both his hands, she held it firmly, made sure he saw what she said next.

" See? It's gone… "

"What?"

"They're gone… Harry, they're gone! They're not blood-red now…. They're green, emerald, just like your mom's… It's gone… Harry whatever it is it's gone… It's gone…"

He was speechless. He was speechless not only because he heard her say the fact that he expected to be wrong, that she was just trying to make himself feel better, trying to cheer him up. But Hermione he knew would never do that to him if that were not true. She would not tell a lie to him, she would not let him down whatever it took.

And so he could just smile, without knowing that there were new tears coming down his cheeks, without really paying attention how gently she wiped them off with her thumbs, for he was too busy to look at her, whom now was smiling back at him. She knew he was happy, she knew this was not usual, because it would explain what was actually written on his face when she first told him the news. And she was the only reason for making it happen, she was making him happy and boy did it feel so incredibly good. When he finally could not help letting all emotion all over the place but then she kissed him and made him better and he was smiling gratefully because of it. It was obvious that he loved her, not in a sisterly/brotherly way, because the lit on his eyes told her all that, because she swore to God she had never seen that smile in whole her life knowing him so well,, because she knew she'd might as well have told him that she loved him back, that way he did to her but never found out what it really was, for he was just a noble boy suffering too much that he was too familiar with pain and angst but never once with love. And she was the reason why his eyes were shining brightly right now. She was the only reason. For all those times he chose to always be with her even just for listening to her cries whenever Ron upset her with stupid debates over nothing, she knew he was trying so hard with each step he took because she knew he did not really know how to cheer her up. He did not really know how love was supposed to heal the pain he grew with for so long. And once again, her mind yelled at her cheerfully telling her that she was the only reason for that gorgeous smile.

She could not take it anymore. She could not help it.

So she kissed him again.

She wanted to tell how glad she was to find out that he ever had that smile, and that was because of her. She wanted to tell him not to go leave her alone, because she might not be able move on after it. And she wanted to tell him to just stay there for tonight, for she was unable to even inched apart from him. She could not let him go now. She just could not.

_But you've promised her…_

_He did not know I was always feeling the same way about him then…_

_But still…_

_I don't care, I just want him to stay, I don't give any crap about it so just shut the hell up!_

_He's dying, Hermione… He's dying… You do know that it's gonna kill him slowly but sure… He could not have the way out of this unless he died…_

_NO! I'M NOT LOSING HIM ANYMORE!_

And that was probably what made her kiss more aggressive to him, more eagerly when at the same time her tears ran heavily soaking up her face.

_STOP IT YOU FOOL! YOU'RE HERMIONE GRANGER YOU'RE NOT CHO CHANG! HARRY HATES KISSING THE GIRLS CRYING…_

But her shoulders shook even harder by now. Harry did sense it, so as much as he hated pulling away from the kiss for the second time, he knew he had to stop because the way her hands were grabbing the collar of his shirts, the way she was pulling him closer and tighter, the mind blowing kiss she hungrily shared with him, he might not be able to stop and control himself for stepping much further from that act.

"Hermione what's wrong? You… Hey ssshhhh… Don't cry… 'Mione please… I… We… You don't have to do this if you don't want to, I… I can understand I swear I do… With Ron… I mean… You're with him and I was just messing around with my words that finally got you emotionally think that you wanted to kiss me – got you thinking that maybe you should kiss me but I… I can understand I'm swear I'm fine I-"

But she did not want to listen to his words and just threw herself at him, kissing him even more eagerly than before. She found her way for her hand on his shirt, pulling the collars even more close while slightly working her other arm on the back of his head and neck, pulling him even much closer. And as much as he wanted to talk to her out of it, he could not resist the way she pulled him on the bed. And even though the fact that it seemed as if she was kissing him like the way Hermione from the horcrux-locket kissed horcrux Harry, he could not resist it a bit because he was just a man with blood and flesh and he was just a very normal man who could give everything they had just to be in his position- with the woman they loved.

But then came the face of Ron's, his best friend and brother for nearly seven years. How he seemed to always work his best to get over his jealousy on Harry, how he always supported him and made him feel loved by his big family. Then came the face of Mrs. Weasley, how she seemed to be really happy while finding out that Ginny was growing feeling for him, or the amused expression she was using while catching how Ron seemed to grow a big interest in wiping off the little toothbrush that was on Hermione's upper lips. But then came flash memories of the girl he was kissing hungrily on the bed right now, pictures of how she hugged him, how good it felt to fill his arms with her, how she would always stay there with him no matter what, how she gave her Christmas holiday up in fifth year just to knock on the door he was hiding behind mourning for his lack of ability in controlling his mind connection with the Dark Lord and got him back. No one was able to get him out of that room, even Sirius himself, but she was. She was.

_She was…._

_No… No I can't… Ron… Ginny… Mrs. Weasley… No… No Harry No YOU CAN'T JUST GET HER OFF NOW!_

Despite the fact that he was lying on top of her kissing her back just as much as she attacked him with her tounge, his healthy mind kicked in in the right time and before it was gone and he could not take it anymore, he broke the kiss desperately.

"No… Hermione No… No we've gotta stop… I've gotta stop… I have to stop now… Because we can't do this, no… I… I can't betray Ron like this… I might not be able to control and stop whatever we're about to do and-"

"Then don't…"

He had to admit that he was shocked to hear it. He was not surprised. He could not be surprised when he was supposed to feel ashamed of what he'd done wasn't he? So he looked at her eyes, searching of any signs whether she was unaware of what she was doing. But he found nothing he expected to see there. Instead, he was seeing them glistening with tears, ready to spill over, but her expression… God what her face was saying to him… the way her warm eyes talked to him now… He was scared to even just admit that it was desire, lust, love, pleading, hurt, certainty…

"Hermione I…- do you hear me right? We don't have to do this and I… I might not be able to stop before we even regret it-"

"Then don't. I said 'don't' Harry. Do you hear me right? I did not tell you to stop. Because I don't want you to stop. Because I don't want us to stop and then you just can go away killing yourself leaving me behind broken and depressed and God knows what? BECAUSE I AM NOT LETTING YOU ABANDON ME AGAIN NOW HARRY JAMES POTTER I'M NOT LETTING YOU JUST GO AWAY LIKE THAT DO YOU HEAR ME RIGHT? I love you… God I do love you all this time how could you be so oblivious to that? I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU EVEN WHEN I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW HOW GOOD YET DEPRESSING IT CAN FEEL!"

His eyes grew bigger and his breath grew heavier.

"What? But… But you were telling me that-"

"I was telling you that I was in love with Ron because I thought I've given you up! I know you'll never see me in that way so I just quit myself! I quit being in love with you I TRIED TO QUIT HARRY BELIEVE ME I DO but I…. I know tonight that I just can't… I just can't… Please Harry… Please, don't stop now… You know you don't want to and neither do I so just don't stop… Don't force yourself stop Harry I'm begging you now, I'm begging you, just… stay… don't go… no… not like this… I've just found you back and you expected me to let go of you dying out there with no one can guarantee that what you're doing is right! So no… I'm not letting you go now… unless you don't wanna stay… unless you just want to freaking stop and chose to be in Ron's side other than me… Harry, no… Please… Please… stay…"

She was crying freely now, below his body. Her tears were running freely shining her beautiful cheeks. Harry did never imagine to hear those words. He was not an optimistic person, he was always realistic. But what she had just said was real and he could not help it himself. If he finally could find a little happiness in the edge of his life, what could it hurt?

"You're sure?"

"I'm positive Harry, I'm not just sure! God Harry how thick was your skull actually that make your brain clueless about what girls talk about you!"

And when her voice raised hysterically yet showed how annoyed she was as though she was trying to explain to him how to get over potion's essay and he kept misunderstanding, he smiled. He smiled because what he had below her was the most precious thing anyone could give to him. And there she was giving itself to him. She was giving herself to him.

"What?"

She shot him sharply after seeing him smile.

His smile grew wider, he was actually grinning now. He put some of her hair behind her earlobe gently. He had never had any idea how good a simple gesture like that felt. God if he could just do it each morning to her.

"Nothing. You're beautiful. You're so beautiful, Hermione. And I love you. I love you no matter what…. I… love you… God I don't even know how I can stop saying these words you know…"

She smiled.

"Then don't. Just save your strength, Mr. Potter…"

And with that she leaned on up to him and kissed him eagerly, all the way teasing him to give his arrogance up and did something they have no idea would make a very big change and a print of their act that could not be erased forever on their lives.

**SOOOOO WHAT DO U THINK? There's a bit more, might make a sequel but I cant promise you when I'll finish it but I'll come as soon as I can alright? PLEASE REVIEW AND REVIEW! need to hear what you think! thanks:D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**A/N this is it: three chapters to present to you guys (the last one is still on editing, I'll update it soon)**

**:D I'm sorry I've been really busy hope you like it... tell me what you think, okay? could use it as a fuel for updating more :)**

Warm. That was the first word creeping into her conscious mind in the morning. Her lips curved into a smile while her arms snuggled deeper into the half-mattress on the other side, for the warm she felt was not because of the fact how high the sun had been now that its light shone her bed and her figure.

Today she was different. Today she was not a girl anymore, but officially a beautiful satisfied young lady having her most beautiful night she could have ever hoped. And she had done it with the right man she had acknowledged as her true lover and soulmate.

Her smile grew wider at the realization, while her arms worked harder in finding the thing – more like a figure, someone – she suddenly craved to embrace. But then a frown came upon her forehead, for she had been sure she would get what she had hoped in the first place, but the reality: she just did not.

She jerked her body up in a sudden, prying in her heart that it would just be her imagination, that Harry would be there facing her back smiling, sitting on bench watching her figure sleep. And that might be the reason why she did not find his body she was sure had given her things she never dared to imagine in the past.

Only, the problem was, Harry was not sitting there watching her sleep.

Or there being on spot her arms could not reach.

Or even just there standing facing her back.

In fact, Harry was not there at all. All the signs about what they had done the night before involving his act on the bed were completely gone. Vanished. Spotless.

It looked as if she had been sleeping by her own like usual, only she was not in clothes but in a piece of blanket, that her sweater, bra, and jeans had been rumpled spread on the bed and floor. The other side of her bed was empty: the sheet was neat, the pillow was arranged, and nothing indicated about how amazing her night had been.

_No… No… This can't be… He would never dare to leave me, he would never dare to lie to me, he would never dare to just leave us!_

Panic started rising in her mind. She panted for breath to calm her rising heart rate down. She knew she had to keep calmed and thought positively about what he might have been at the moment, why he was not there wishing her a good morning with a kiss, why he was not there hugging her on the first place.

"Hermione! Hermione Are you up yet?"

She gasped.

_Ron. _

Her panic did not get better when she quickly turned right and left and went to pick up

her clothes.

_Oh God I can't be seen like this. Oh please Dear God, I'd better locked it up all right last night. Did I?_

" It's been 10.00 A.M for Merlin's beard! Are you… Are you sick there? Hermione open the door… We can fix it out whatever you feel, love… You're breakfast's getting cold too!"

Holding her temple while sighing, she cleared her voice to answer him, "I'm fine Ron. Just, just could not really have a good sleep last night so I guess I just fell asleep in the morning!"

She grabbed her clothes and started wearing them as quick as possible.

_Well… If he were not man enough to face what happened then let's see, I certainly would not be the only one giving any signs or proof about it either! _

"Right. I'm just waiting here then. Could you open the door? I mean I don't want to bother you 'Mione but I was just wondering where you would like take your breakfast here or- hey…"

He smiled to her when the door was suddenly opened. He leaned in to give a quick morning routine kiss to her lips, and even though he was not very sensitive about how weird her expression might be, she chose to completely ignore whatever she had just done hours before.

_At least for a moment anyway…_

"How're you doing? You look great"

"I'm… great… yeah… you're right… Sorry for making you wait…"

"No, it's fine. I'd rather sat back and wait for you to come rather than bashing on your extra locked door, it was gonna annoy you I knew, even for how how barmy I've been here all morning, Harry told me to keep calmed but I guess I just became paranoid. Well, I just hoped you were not kidnapped or something, at least I know you would not even have any power for bringing any man in so you could cheat, wouldn't you?"

The silly grin he plastered on his lips was the only sign telling her that it was a joke.

But she gasped nevertheless.

_What did he just say? What did he just say? How could he? No… No…_

The way he said it in a casual way made her think all over again, preparing for the worst possibility…

"What's wrong? Ha! You're taking it seriously, aren't you? Merlin's Beard Hermmione loosen up a bit. I'm kidding! You should have seen your face though, seriously"

"Wh-What? Yeah… No no no of course it was just a joke, a cruel one if I might add, I guess I was just a bit dazed and-"

He kissed her lips once more to calm her down, an act that made her heart ache so bad. She closed her eyes to throw away any wild images about some man she was craving to see, but denied further anyway. But he looked even more pleased, thinking that he was the reason for the gesture, that she did enjoy it.

"I know, love… you could have all sleep you need I swear I won't let anybody disturbe you. Good to know you have one though. Come on, Harry's making new breakfasts for us, ours were getting cold and he just appeared out of nowhere bringing a bucket of fish in soaked clothes! Bet he must have done it in muggle way, since he had no wand anyway. Come…"

She was thankful for anything that made Ron so oblivious to her state, for any facial expression came across her face while hearing the words telling her about Harry.

_At least he's not gone… yet…_

_ But he avoided you! He left no sign, no message, nothing to inform you about the effect after last night to your relationship!_

_ But… still… I'm just relieved…_

_ He doesn't want you_

_ It's fine if he just wants to forget it, I'm not gonna be the one showing any sign of it either_

Ron led the way to the kitchen holding her waist, while her mind was wandering somewhere else. She did not realize they had reached the place until a voice belonged to the man she was thinking greeted her.

"Good morning, Hermione! Quite a very good sleep, eh? I've never recalled any day where you could sleep much longer than Ron and I did. You're fine?"

The way his voice sounded cheerful, she knew it was forced, for he did not even dare looked into her eyes more than two full seconds. His back was on theirs once more, she noticed that he was working in cutting and cleaning the fish. Again, in the muggle way. She frowned.

_What the hell is wrong with him? He is a wizard for Merlin's beard! A bloody Chosen One for Heaven's sake! And look at what he's doing the cooking and fishing!_

_He doesn't have his wand, Granger_

_But he's got Malfoy's, and Ron's from the snatchers!_

_You do know for sure no wand works best for him except yours and and his own_

_Even our wands say it out loud…_

_He's too stubborn to see it, he's too fucking noble, when would he just stop being a vigilante?_

Her mind was working his words when Ron set a chair for her to sit on.

_He'd like to play drama_

_ Oh of course, since when was he not a bit coward?_

_ He did not even bother to face me properly!_

_ I'll play along Mr. Potter, believe me I can be more talented in acting than you. If you're bad, I'm gonna get worse…_

"Yeah… it was… quite good at first… but I guess I can't say that it was, 'cause I was… having nightmares"

He stopped cutting the fish with the knife he was holding, turned his head on her a bit, before making a frown.

_Again, it's miserably obvious that you're acting, Potter_

She could even see he gulped before saying the words out loud in an attempt to break the silence she caused before her voice hung in the air.

"Nighmares? Well… I've never known you… never guessed you'd have them too…"

She could tell how much pain the voice covered as she knew he knew she was referring their night as 'nighmare'. But she could careless, for the pain she now felt, it was nothing less than his.

"Yeah I do. We all do. These days, how could we not? But last night was the worst one. I mean, how could I possibly dream about it? It was the scariest, the worst, the most… dreadful… horrible… a little bit disgusting… I knew I was dreaming though, but I could not force myself to wake up… I mean, I might have been so tired that my mind was completely messed up! But anyway… I did wake in a very good way though, thanks to this sweet man here"

And with that, she leaned in to Ron and gave a quick kiss to his lips while making sure that Harry saw it. She knew she had just put the blade right stabbed his feeling through his chest, she could even see his blood burst from there, but once again, Hermione was not in a mood of thinking about what she was doing, particularly to the man she knew and felt so sure did not want to remember whatever 'nightmare' she had been having.

But the clinging sound of dropped-knife made her heart jolt. Ron was the one breaking the kiss for hearing it. The sound it made, anyone could tell that it was not just 'dropped not on purpose'. It sounded as if he dropped it in a hurry because of something _urgent_, because he had to let go.

She closed her eyes, not wanting to imagine anything stupid he had just done.

_Whatever it was, it was because you rubbed what you and Ron had right on his face._

"Harry? Everything's fine? What are- Blimey Harry what did you just do? How could you… how… I'VE TOLD YOU TO JUST DO IT MAGICALLY! SEE? WE'VE GOT JACKPOT NOW! Oh Merlin this is bad"

The ginger haired boy had risen from his chair, coming to see if he could get any help for his best fried's bloody finger.

"The taste won't be the same, told you. The holding did not feel good Ron, it was not strong enough, the fish was a little bit dense so I forced it a little bit too, but it's fine, it's just a little cut. Not a big deal…"

"YOUR FINGER'S BLEEDING HARRY it's not nothing! Oh crap! Look at that blood! What should I do? I… where's your wand? Do you know any spell that could stop it? The one Pomfrey was- Blimey Harry it's not just a cut! Look at the blood you're dropping on the floor! I'm gonna call Fleur!"

"It'll just stop Ron, don't worry, I do this all the time though… It was such a very crap holding… When I was little at the Dursleys… I'm just gonna wash it and clothed it, though… The pressure should stop the bleeding"

"Are you sure? Harry, no, we can do it better with Magic, I'm gonna call Fleur though, just wait here"

"She's going out with Bill, said they had to go to the healer for Fleur's pregnancy, she's not here. I'm fine, I can fix this"

He gritted his teeth while pressing his left bloody index finger with the edge of his shirt.

"But… but… I'm gonna go check on them, see if they-!"

"No! no Ron I'm telling you it's fine, it'll stop-"

But his words were shut by an arm coming from his right, grabbing the wrist his finger was bleeding and yanked it to look at. One of the arms he had just known could do so many amazing things the night to him yet she saw them as nightmares.

"No, it won't stop until you calmed enough and just sit here so I can look how deep it is! You need to sit here and let me check on it, Harry and I need you to do it quick! Pressure won't help much if it's deep enough that can cause any direct infection coming through it! Sit… now!"

Suddenly Hermione was there before him joining the debate the boys were having and telling him in a stern voice much different than what she had used before while talking about nightmares. Her wand was at the ready checking on his wound. And even though he could not see her face for she was looking at his wound, he could tell she was worried.

"But-"

"We're not having any stupid debate before we fix your hand!"

She led him to the chair. He could not really resist it while he had no reason to do it. This was Hermione after all. How would he even dare to debate her over something like this?

"I… ummm… Hermione I-"

"Just stop talking Harry I'm working on it!"

The fierce and bossy voice she was using, Harry knew she'd just realized what she'd just done to him. Indirectly. But he was not planning on it either. He was not a psychopath enjoyed cutting his limbs for his pain. He did it unexpectedly anyway. He really had been working on the dense part of the fish head, but suddenly her words struck him in no warning. And what she did next… Didn't she know how much he was hurt by that? Didn't she have no idea how much pain he'd endured for this thing? And to know that she knew… He would never imagine that it could only make the pain worse when it had to come.

His eyes were working at her works. He had no idea what she was still working at. She was making a random gesture from different angles to his wound with her wand, but he could not really see how she was doing. He could not really see her face. All he knew was that she was frowning, and he could just guess that her face was like whenever she was reading runes she had not yet mastered.

_Yeah… she must have been like that…_

So he smiled.

And it was not a happy smile, nor a silly grin. It was a sad smile.

_Look at her. Look at what she's doing to you. First you hurt her, then you apologized, but hurting her even more when you said you were leaving. Then you found her worrying about your state, you calmed her down, but suddenly you could not resist any stupid rage was going through you. So you screw her up again. But then you told her everything making you so devastated and she even kissed you to shut your mouth up. You were wondering questions you found the answer from the kiss she gave. And she did too. And suddenly this morning you found yourself wake up with your arms full of her. Full of Hermione Granger, someone too stubborn to ever give up on you, someone having faith about you even when you don't. But then you left her all alone with no trace, no message, nothing… And she was obviously hurt by that, she is obviously hurt by that. And then she was trying to hurt you back, but your poor lack of concentration distracted you from what you were doing and suddenly you end up cutting your finger accidentally. She never did expect it, but you messed up anyway, so here she was, fixing your wound attentively, she knew she cared, she knows she cares, but she's still angry, so she just works on this but don't really bother to look up at you…._

"Well, how is he?" Ron's voice broke through his mind. The guy stood behind her, watching his girl's work on his best friend. Worry was on all over his face.

_His girl._

He repeated the phrase his mind had just used to refer Hermione.

_His girl that you had just slept with last night, to be exact_

At that, he shut his eyes, not able to resist the fact how he did not feel ashamed of himself until just now.

_Because you don't need to, Harry, because you deserve it, because we deserve it!_

Suddenly some familiar voice sounded like Hermione's rang in his head.

He shook his head.

"It's not not deep, all I can say is… But… blimey Ron! What's the spell?"

"What?" both boys said in the same time.

"I just know the spells for superficial wounds and common diseases! It's… I'm afraid it might tear the artery, the knife. Pomfrey used dittany for deep wounds with bleeding like this but… but I've got none now oh crap! We're wasting time, Harry-"

"It's fine Hermione calm yourself I'm fine. It's just-"

"NO IT'S NOT JUST FINE, HARRY! When will you get it into your head? It's not JUST fine! Look at your blood! Argggh! I'm afraid I've gotta have to sew you up after all… muggle way…"

"WHAT? No way! Hermione enough! What's wrong with you people? First Harry was nowhere to be found and suddenly came with fish in soaked clothes saying that he'd just fished in muggle way by swimming and net. And then he insisted he would cut and clean the fish by knife in muggle way! Look at him now! Look at his finger! And now Hermione, you're suggesting you're gonna sew his wound like what? Like mum knitting sweater? We're wizards, people! What's wrong with everyone today? And besides, you don't know how to sew, Hermione-"

"Oh I do Ron! In case you've forgotten that my oblivious parents were dentists. Well, they are dentists! Technically! They're doctors! And yes I did learn how to sew wound like this! I can stop the bleeding by simple spell, but closing it up? It's gotta be dittany work! Not mine! And unless you have better ideas, excuse me I've gotta transfigure several things into surgical sewing tools-"

"Alright fine! Ruined our morning didn't we?"

"Just go get me some alcohol drink to sterilize if you want to help. Now!"

Harry could sense that Ron was gonna debate her again. He'd expected it, but suddenly he just sighed and muttered "Fine! Do it your way!" and then left Harry and Hermione for her previous order. He got back a moment later, but left again for calming his temper.

They were left on their own. The air suddenly felt hot to him. They were silent. She was looking at his wounded finger while he was watching her head, not sure whether he'd better start conversation or not, unsure how to talk to her about his current feeling, unsure whether he was supposed to apologize or just talk. He could not find the answer yet, but her voice startled his muse.

"It was stupid. It was so stupid of you! How could you get so careless-"

"How could one not get so careless cutting his own finger accidentally if he saw what you were doing, heard what you were saying, Hermione?"

For a moment he felt that she stopped taking deep breaths like what she'd usually do whenever she was scared. His words were sinking to her head, and no matter how she could eventually press her annoyance for him down for awhile, pain shot through her chest, making it harder to suck the air. He sensed it, and felt stinging pain sat across his chest too.

_Don't you dare make her feel guilty Potter…_

_ No… no… I won't…_

"I…I don't know what you're talking about, Harry…"

Her voice now, sounded thick, filled with sadness and guilty he knew he had just caused. But Harry, being more stubborn yet caring at the same time when it comes to the person he loved most, just smiled hearing this.

"No… no… I'm talking absolutely… about… nothing…. I… I was gonna say… I'm terribly sorry about your nightmares… I mean it I do I… I… am not quite sure… what I'm rambling about now but… but yeah… I'm… I'm sorry… I'm sorry to… hear that… But… you're alright aren't you?"

He added after awhile, realizing how she was hurt too with whatever he had done.

She said nothing in response, and he started to think that maybe keeping his mouth shut was now the best thing he should do to both of them. He felt her delicate hand cleaning his wound, and even though he had to admit it was a bit harsh, not to mention how painful it got, he let her do it, as he knew he deserved more than this.

He closed his eyes, resting his temple at his other hand, pretending he did not pay much attention to whatever she was doing, when he heard her voice said " me too… I'm… I'm sorry too… about your finger… I-" she stopped.

Somehow, he knew that she was choked by guilt to continue her sentence, so he finished it for her.

"-did nothing to cause me like this… I'm fine, Hermione… I'm really fine… I'm okay… My finger… it's gonna be just fine…"

She nodded, unclear for what reason. But Harry could just careless, for then she began sawing his wound. Unfortunately for him was, that she was too distracted with whatever was going on in her mind that she forgot to numb his finger first. And so he was feeling pain each time she moved the instrument around in wound. But Hermione never did realize it, for Harry said nothing, and kept calmed feeling each stitch went through his skin, knowing that he did deserve much more than that….

When Fleur and Bill finally came home that afternoon bringing good news about how terrific they really were about their upcoming baby, Harry thought that everything would be back to normal: Ron and Hermione would have a nice chat about almost anything, Remus would stop by asking how the trio were progressing, Olivander and Luna would have joined whatever conversation Harry was having about the war, and Griphook would just sit and say encouraging and watch them, discussing whatever Harry was planning secretly when they knew no one was around. After all, Harry knew Griphook could be useful in many times, including planning times, as he did not judge him anyhow.

Yet here he was, sitting by the window looking at the sea outside on his own. Ron and Hermione were nowhere to be found, so were Griphook, Luna, and Mr. Olivander. Bill and Fleur were in the kitchen, preparing for dinner.

It was not until ten minutes did Ron came into the cottage, his hair was rumpled due to the wind outside, his shirt had some sand on it, and his facial expression told Harry that his best friends were not doing well. And it slightly proven by the fact that he was not followed by some certain girl Harry had craved to see since this morning: Hermione. Ron looked up, meeting Harry's eyes and then walked towards him. He threw his body to the couch before Harry, grunting as if he'd been walking ten miles on his feet that he was now exhausted.

"What's wrong?" Harry started, unable to press his curiosity anymore.

"Nothing. Hermione's nowhere to be seen. Said she needed some time alone but the bloody hell I can't find her anywhere!"

"She wouldn't be found if she didn't want her to"

"Yeah I know. Pathetic isn't she? Actually all women are. Why bother locking herself up if she did have a problem with whatever it was? She's acting weird today… So… unpredictable… moody…"

At this Harry's shoulders felt stiff, there was no way he could have had no idea what might cause their best friend was doing so. He licked his lips, prying that Ron would never find out what he was thinking, at least not yet.

"So you guys have just had a fight?"

_Oh, don't you dare hoping for it Potter_

_No I don't… Just curious…_

_The hell you are!_

"Yep… Kind of… But not that fierce you know… I think I pressed her too much to ask her to let it out…" Ron said, sighing. He was now staring at the ceiling, his arms were below his head, as a pillow, clearly thinking deeply about the girl she was talking about. He missed to see how Harry suddenly got alert once he finished his last word.

"Moody, huh?" At this, Harry was leaning his body forward, frowning. There had to be a reason why she was acting this weird today. And he seemed to be the only person who got clue on what was going on with her.

"Yeah… Been so sick to worry about her all day but the hell I've been looking for her everywhere and could not find any clue about where she was… Do you think you might know where she is now, mate?"

He raised his head, meeting Ron's blue eyes who showed great amount of worry for someone they were talking about. But then he could not look into those eyes long enough because of the sudden rush of guilt coming into his chest, making him unable to think clearly, making him unable to breath steadily. So he just threw his head away from Ron, hiding any expression that might draw Ron's attention more than he wanted. He knew he had to talk to her, he knew he had to clear things between him and Hermione, now, before it was too late.

"Nope… Several ideas maybe, but I'm sure you've tried those places too, but… anyway I'm just gonna take a walk outside, take my mind off things… I'm gonna escort her inside if I happen to see her, Ron, don't worry. You look worn out. Just… rest…"

Smiling slightly, Harry turned his back on him, ready to go to the only place where he was 90% sure she was there.

"Tell her I'm sorry, would you? Tell her I'm deadly worried about her… if… you happen to find her," said Ron seriously.

Harry just nodded, and went outside to try to look for her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

As he had predicted before, the weather was not that good. It had turned cloudy, not shiny like that morning when he went out fishing, not bright like that when he was woken up by the sun light.

_Sun light huh? I was actually woken up by sunlight this morning?_

He shook his head, hands on his jeans pocket, a bitter smile was plastered on his lips. No one would ever imagine how broken his shattered heart had now once again become. The pain was so deep that he almost withdrew his hands and rubbed them all together again his chest, hoping to make it better anyway.

_You do know clearly that's not how you exactly woke this morning, Harry…_

The pain just got worse when his mind seemed to talk to him again through a very familiar voice he knew so well had gotten a special place on his brain whenever his heart would try to remind him about what he was doing. It was not his own voice, it was not even a male voice. It was a female one, felt so close as if she was standing right next to him, as if she was a part of him.

_Yet truth it was_

As his smile grew wider, he was back to watch his steps, minding his surrounding whether his legs had brought him to the place he had been intending to go, prying silently that she would be there once he brought his gaze foreward.

And there she was, the figure he had endured more than enough pain about, sitting on hill before him, her back was facing him, her figure was somehow hidden among the trees, making anyone passing by would never guess that she was there.

_She definitely doesn't want to be found_

_ And yet you did_

_ I've gotta see her, making sure she was alright_

_ She will never again be alright after what you did last night you idiot!_

_ I… I need to clear things up with her… I… I've got to talk to her…_

Even on his mind he could hear how terribly afraid his voice sounded. Truth was he was more than just scared. Here was the most beautiful thing God ever gave to him: a best friend, a fierce loyal friend who had never once left his side no matter what. Yet he might have just damaged her soul after what he really did the night before.

_After maybe what I did this morning when I decided to leave her…_

And as worse as the pain was growing each step he took to get closer to her, he knew he could not take it anymore. He had to find her, he had to talk to her, seek truth between them both, whatever proving that their bond was too stronger to be broken by anything bothering them. While his breath was growing heavier and quicker, his heart pounded so hard against his chest that he could hear its rhythm clearly by now, Harry was not really aware that he had been close enough to her he might as well bumped to her if he kept walking. He could have smelled her hair, he could have guessed that she might have sensed his presence.

To underestimate this might as well underestimate his experience with her, what he really knew of her, for then even without turning around she shot him with words stabbing enough that he really felt his legs had limped.

"Still bothered yourself to find me, didn't you?"

His jaw felt tight. His chest felt numb.

"I've told Ron I was not in the mood today, I've told him I needed some space, for myself… Was he too thick to understand my words as always? Or were you too stubborn to do what I wished?"

Not even an inch did she turn her body around and see him, but Harry knew more than well how firm her face must have been by now, for her words sounded so sure, so…

_Full of hating?_

_You couldn't wish she'd say hi and hug you fiercely like what she always did could you?_

"I was just wandering myself actually, not on purposely finding you here. Good spot though, I've used this place many times for taking my minds off…"

He reasoned, with a very light tone he did not realize he had moments ago. Facing her with her mood up had never been an easy thing to do by anyone, including him, a person everyone would tell as the closest friend to her. So, crossing his fingers and prying silently, he really wished they would not end up shouting at each other face. He would never be himself anymore if that happened by now. He had spilled whatever his heart had been holding for so long the night before to her. God knew how hard it must have been for him, how special she really was to him, that he could completely open up to her easily.

Taking the risk as a gentleman he was, he walked to the spot beside her and sat on it. His head held up high and focused towards, to the ocean below and before. There were a few birds flew around, probably seeking place for shelters in case the rain was coming. Seeing how grey the sky had been, Harry was not surprised to see them fly like crazy. The rain was definitely coming.

"Right, so you're saying this place is yours now. I should have known better. I probably should have gone by now, leaving you and your complicated thought for yourself…"

Her sarcastic tone was all he needed to make sure she really was not in the mood at all.

"I don't mind your company, Hermione…"

His mind kicked in right time to order him to respond quickly before he lost her again.

"Right you don't. But who knows I do? I… I don't' even know…"

Harry gulped. If this was the way he should have talked to her, sacrificing his feeling to bleed some more just to hear her sarcastic lines towards him, then he should have just had it that way. Deep down he knew he did deserve it somehow. Licking his lips he tried his best to really show her how he truly wanted to talk to her, prying to anyone above to make her listen to him this time.

"Just stay, Hermione… stay here for a while… Don't we still deserve a chance to talk?"

His voice was hung high in the air. He did not even know why hearing that she was going felt too hurt, he did not have any idea how such a simple sarcastic line could wound his heart deeper, he was not even aware how his eyes were now felt stinging like his chest did…

She locked her gaze with his. Her expression told him she felt surprised by his recent words. He could clearly see that she did not expect him to say any of the words he just did, he could clearly see that she might consider that the idea of talking to him would bring no benefit with her. In fact, he could clearly see the obvious doubt dancing on her eyes.

_Is it possible for her to not realize how I too have been hurt by this agonizing thing between us? Is it even possible for her to not have any idea how I'm suffering this pain long enough by now? Isn't it obvious for her to see that this pain is killing me inside?_

_ Or maybe… is it possible that somehow she'd forgotten whatever happened last night?_

_ Is it possible for her to regret things we both did last night? To decide that it would be best if we both did not bring this subject up anymore, to pretend that there was nothing happening last night? Is it possible that she somehow realized that she actually felt nothing toward me, that somehow Ron was her first love, her genuine love, a person having all her heart that-_

He closed his eyes. He closed his eyes for he was terrified if his eyes decided to spill tears he had just realized he had been holding once he saw her this afternoon. He hated being weak. He was the chosen one for God's sake! How come he could just so easily be broken with something silly like this? How could he repeatedly feel struck just because girls' thing now? He was not supposed to have time for this matter, was he?

_Because anything relating to Hermione Jean Granger has never been stupid at all_

He gulped, bringing his head ahead, not even daring to see into her eyes anymore. The ideas his other mind was telling him silently tore his heart apart even worse. It was right, though; Harry could never be so sure that she too would ever want to talk to him about it…

_Can I be really sure that she meant each word she said last night? That she really chose me instead of Ron in her heart? Is it possible that last night was just about the tension, the grief, the sadness taking both her and me… talking that I'm literally dying… _

The hands he clasped together now tighten even more. Thinking about those horrible possibilities… what this girl sitting beside him really had on thought about their night before…

_I once invited her to dance with me, didn't I? When Ron was gone… and she couldn't bring herself up at all… I once tried to fish that possibility out didn't I? Why she always stayed by me and never left me no matter what… I even questioned her silently with that gaze didn't I? And she… Hermione… she just walked away from what we could possibly call our dance floor… she just walked away… she answered me by walking away, stating clearly that we together would really be complicated… Ron… He was the reason she walked away from me that evening… Why would she suddenly kiss me last night and said all those things? Why now? Why-_

He heard Hermione sigh.

_She knew… She felt…_

"But I'm not forcing you to anyway… I mean… If you really want to share the place with me, it's okay… I'm not the owner or anything… And if you'd just rather go… No one holds you back for it, Hermione… I'm… I'm sorry… Maybe I'm the one who should go by the way… You were here first, I don't deserve to bother you-"

"It's okay… It's okay I can stay… If… If you're okay with it…"

For suddenly her voice went softer than before struck him completely.

"Are you sure?"

"Sure… Why not? It's not like we're strangers or enemies or … whatever Harry I'm sorry… for being rude earlier…"

His heart gave a relief sigh for what he just heard from her.

"You needn't to…"

They both fell silent once again, enjoying the sight before them, It was not the best weather they expected, but both did surely feel the sky was definitely describing how their feelings were. It was a situation Harry would describe as both awkward and comforting. He had never known that those two could be put on the same line in the same sentence, but now he did. It was awkward because they had been like that so many times in the past: both sitting side by side looking at the sky above them, but they felt so far yet so close to each other. None began breaking the silence, none bothered to even move a limb to show that they did relax having each other as company. Meanwhile, it was comforting for they both knew they needed to be like this, they did need to clear things up between them, with no one bothering them.

"Ron was worried about you… earlier..." Harry began carefully.

He felt her gaze turn towards him. His shoulders stiffened under it.

"Said that you were really moody today… unpredictable… some sort of that…"

He stopped once more, unsure where he should begin the talk. His lips suddenly felt dry, so he licked them, a gesture clearly showing how nervous he really was.

She sighed.

"So you came right after it to look for me, didn't you? To check if I was stupid enough to be caught or kidnapped by any death eater or snatcher passing by…"

"What? No! No, I didn't come here because of what Ron said… I came here because… well I sort of always go here whenever my head is full and I'm tired enough or upset or-"

"So you were upset then? You are… _upset_… now? Literally? Here? Coming to this place…?"

The way she said it, the way her words sounded, Harry knew her temper had not been down at all. Her voice gave indication how _amusing_ she found out the fact that Harry _was upset _today. He knew as hell that it was not amusing at all. She started to think that the idea of him being upset was… entertaining? What was that all about?

_Because you know as hell that she should be the one being most upset today… and it was because of you!_

He closed his eyes, unable to look at her by now. He couldn't stand any sarcastic gesture or words she gave him. No he couldn't. He would not have this to destroy him any more than he had been today. He sighed, rubbing his temple to calm him down.

_Merlin, don't ever let us bicker or have any argument right now, please…_

"Yes… yes… Yes I am upset… not having any good mood at all but Hermione… look, I'd like to have a real talk about it if you would-"

"We're talking now, aren't we?"

"We both know what I really mean by 'talk' Hermione… Just don't act like you… as if…-"

"Like I what? As if I'm what? _Careless? Oblivious?_"

"Fine if you really don't want to talk about it!" he snapped her shut.

_No, I can't have this right now, No… this is all enough, Granger…_

"It's okay I won't even try to bring it up anymore, you know… I'm sorry I've mistaken all this… It was just _nightmare_, as you had said this morning. No big deal… No one would ever want to talk about the horrible nightmare… It should be just… forgotten? No one would ever like to keep their nightmares as the lovely memories… Not even me… I'm sorry… I really am… Shouldn't have asked for that anyway, forgive for my stupidity, I'm not even gonna touch the subject anymore, I _promise_…."

The hurt was shown so clearly through his thick yet firm voice. He just did not care. He would not start to care if she did not even want to.

He shut his eyes tightly, prying for the pain in his chest would just loosen up for a bit so he could breath properly and his headache would just go away.

_How stupid of me! She really did not want to talk about it, it was just the horrible nightmare, how come did you ever imagine she'd like to discuss it? She loves Ron you fool! Hermione is not that type of person who could just easily give her boyfriend up just because she got the better guy... And who ever said that you are better than Ron?The horcrux-Hermione? The press? Like you would ever care about what they say all this time!_

_She did not mean it… she never meant it…_

_She just wanted to hug you and she was not capable of imagining really losing you last night you pansy ass idiot!_

_Right… I understand… she'd just too devastated, as I had been while finding out the fact…_

_Good idea of you leaving her this morning, otherwise you would possibly see her horrified look while realizing that you took advantage of her last night…_

_I never… I would never… do… I would surely never let us do what we did-_

_But you both did, you took her virginity, Potter. She was your best friend's girlfriend! How dare you! Making love to her right under his nose…_

_I WOULD NEVER DO THAT IF-_

_But you did nonetheless… she hated you for it… she'd always hate you for it…_

_No… Don't… Hermione… I… I-_

His shoulders became sank and sank for more. He did not open his eyes soon like before, she noticed. It looked like he was having the inner debate inside himself. To pretend she did not have any idea what was going through his mind was an underestimation. She even knew how terrible he must be feeling right now, but she could just careless. The pain he caused her to feel this morning was no better at all than the one he was feeling right now.

_But he would think that you hate him now, after what he'd done to you last night… Harry will never be able to forgive himself for that… He will be so fiercely devastated, you know so well that he is technically dying now, isn't he?_

At that she just brought her chin up, forward, trying to look unmoved by any gesture he did.

_He was opening himself to you last night, it was you who finally persuaded him to do it last night, how could you blame him for that? How dare you let him feel that way? When God knows how much time he had left…_

She closed her eyes desperately.

But he couldn't take it anymore. The pain was too much he might as well rip his chest open and saw how torn his heart had suffered just because of this. He loved her, he knew he did, would never give any second thought about it.

_She is love, Hermione is love itself_

It was okay he was raised with hatred from the Dursleys, but he knew too well that this girl by his left had taught him everything a human could know about love. However, if being by her meant bringing much more pain, maybe he needed to keep a distance first from her, waiting that his wound was healed enough he could endure some more on it.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly raised from his spot, ready to leave her alone with her thought.

"I should be probably going by now, Ron said Remus is coming, wanting to talk to us about our preparation about the upcoming war…"

He stood still telling her. His chest felt heavy, but he knew he could not take it anymore.

"I guess I'll see you around, then…"

And with that he turned on his heel, hands on his pockets, shoulders hunched as always whenever he was feeling down. It was no more than 4 steps he took when Hermione decided to say something stopping him deadly on his track, making his body suddenly feel numb to even expect it.

"It was not a nightmare, you know," her voice, Harry recognized, was slightly cracked.

"It's never been anything remotely close to nightmare… I'll never call it nightmare, or anything relating to it, Harry… It was not a nightmare, it was not… no… not at all… I never did refer _it _as nightmare…"

He turned to her, only to be faced with her stricken face from which tears running down her cheeks. She looked up at him, staring directly into his eyes. Harry was more than sure she had never looked at him that way all day on that day. It was like her eyes were boring into his soul, saying things words failed to convey. The firm unreadable face she had just worn moments ago when saying sarcastic lines to him was gone… completely… She looked vulnerable now, she looked like she could break any moment if he decided to keep leaving her behind to see Remus. But he was so struck with what she'd just said he could not move a finger. He just stared back at her, questioning her recent statement, giving her his confused look. How could she say something like that while he was obviously forced to hear that line from her that morning, that she did have a nightmare last night, once she first thought it was a beautiful dream but later turned out completely as a nightmare? How could she let him think that way with no explanation at all in the way?

"W-Wh-What? What did you just say? I… What…But…-"

"You heard me right, Harry… It was not a nightmare… You misunderstood it… I don't exactly refer _it _as nightmare… I… I will never ever want you to think that I did consider it that way…"

_What kind of joke is it now? I nearly cut my finger for hearing her saying that out loud, and now she took it back?_

_Would you rather not misunderstand with her about it? You should be thankful for it you fool!_

"I… Well… I thought- "

"I know, I know you must have thought that way because I once said that this morning… Yes, I might have meant my word and it did bring no good to you, you even cut your finger for being so shocked I said it this morning but no, Harry, no… not that way… not _exactly _that way… I never meant it that way! At first maybe I did because for Merlin's beard you will have no idea how horrible I felt while waking up expecting you but I found even no evidence about your presence I even loath you for leaving me as simple as that like you have no fucking big deal about what we had just had but then I changed my thought or whatever God what is happening with me? I guess… I guess… All I'm saying is that… Harry James Potter don't you fucking dare to feel guilty just because what we _did _last night! So please, for God sake just stop wearing that face as if you'd rather die than look straight into my eyes whenever you're talking to me! If you should hear it, alright I'll say it once more, out loud, you'll have to keep your ears clearly open because I'm now stating once more… Yes… Yes Harry I did mean each and every word I said last night, I do mean each and every word of whatever lines I said last night… That I was fully aware and capable of hexing you right away if I did not want you to do what we did last night so yes… Yes I do mean it, Harry… Yes… Please… I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry for whatever I've caused you to feel today… I'm so sorry… Please… it was not a nightmare at all… it was not… it was not…"

She was crying freely now, one hand on her mouth while the other was on sand, clutching it into a fist desperately. Her sobs grew heavier quickly her body shook along with it. She did look feeling so guilty about this. Harry was speechless, not only did he feel like he had just been struck by lightning, but it was as if he was punched right on his face before he was brought above the air. To hear the confession she just said, it was the most beautiful speech he would ever hear in his entire life.

So he lunched himself forward, closing any gap separating them, and enveloping her trembling body with his arms. He kissed her temple and top of her head repeatedly. Hermione kept sobbing into his chest, her arms found their ways around his neck, and Harry did not care at all if his shirt was so wet it could even be easily torn because here on arms was the most beautiful thing he had ever had in whole his life. He had never asked for it, but she was always there, she was his only constant companion, she was his rock, she was what kept him breathing till today, and he could not be much more grateful than having her like that saying all those beautiful words he had just needed so desperately to hear.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear, making sure she heard it clearly. His own tears now soaked her hair, but it did not matter anymore because he had her now.

"Do you hear me right, Hermione? I love you… I love you so much and I'm so terribly deeply sorry if anything I did just hurt you so bad today… This morning… I never did want to leave…"

At his words, her arms clung tighter around his neck, having no intention to let him go again from her grasp.

"I thought you were really leaving me behind, leaving us all behind… doing God knew what Harry I nearly lost my mind when I realized that possibility…."

He tightened his arms around her.

"This morning… This morning… I… I had never given any second thought about it… It was so stupid of me Hermione, to never imagine that Ron… Ron… would just wake you up, like he always does… And I was there… having you innocently in my arms… when I heard his footsteps were growing closer… my body suddenly felt numb just because of it… I don't even know how to describe how terrible I felt… and to be just there pretending like I was never there doing what we did… if you must know it's the most horrible feeling I've ever had… and… and… so I just…"

He stopped, taking deep breath and calming himself down for the upcoming line he had to say clearly with his tongue, a fact that was so natural yet wounding this time for both of them.

"He's my brother you know that? He's my best friend… He's my very first friend Hermione; could you possibly imagine how it felt like for me this morning? Never in my wildest dream I would imagine I'd be in that situation… I guess I've prepared myself for you both… I did know it… I swear I'm not lying I knew, right from the start… that he fancied you, might even possibly love you but… but… I guess… Hermione I don't want to make you feel bad but-"

"-you just felt, you just feel so bad about what we did-"

"-I'm not saying I regret it or-"

"No you don't… I know you don't…"

"I once told him that I always loved you like a sister, and I reckoned you felt the same way about me…"

They both fell silent. Harry suddenly realized that he had never told her what happened the night they destroyed the locket with the sword.

_To be continued…_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"And… did you?" she asked, her voice calmed, but Harry knew better that she was holding her breath to know what his answer was.

"Do I have to answer that? How the hell was I supposed to know what a sisterly love was, Hermione? My parents died even before they had a chance to give me one!"

He knew he was supposed to sound pathetic and bitter, he did not even intend to sound funny, but he found it sounded ridiculous in his own ears. For Hermione finally let out the breath she was holding with a chuckle warmed his heart more than ever. He finally joined with her laugh and both felt like it really was the silliest thing Harry could ever muster.

"Your sister, huh?" she asked jokingly, the grin she wore was clear on her voice. He smiled before answering that simple yet intriguing question.

"Yep… my sweet only little sister…" was his reply with a teasing tone before kissing her temple lovingly once more. Her laugh became heavier. He had no choice but joined her. It was good, though, having such a drastic emotion change because of one innocent line.

"I know… I know… don't you dare saying how pathetic I was on lying…"

"Pathetic? Harry you were ridiculous! You were not pathetic, but you were so amazingly ridiculous… a sister? For all god's sake! How could you choose that word? We had Rita Skeeter write 'our love story' back in fourth year, Victor Krum to always get suspicious about what was going on between us, Cho Chang to obviously getting so jealous and irritated by me, even Ginny and Mrs. Weasley had a feeling about it… and you said we were just like brother and sister? I should have bickered more with you if you really were my 'brother', shouldn't I?" and with that she laughed freely once more, still in his arms. Harry had never thought that he could be happier, having her like that.

"I know… I should have just said we were platonic, but he would never believe me anyway… besides, I guess I never did know what love really was… I could never differ it till last night could I?"

Slowly her laugh faded. Carefully she let go from his hug, but still held him in length arms, seeking for his eyes. The smile was still plastered on his lips, his eyes lit in happiness for the laugh they just shared, his hair danced with the wind blowing, and she cupped his beautiful face with both her hands, making sure he noticed what she was about to say.

"It's not because you did not have it, Harry, the love. It's not even because you grew up without it and the Dursleys just taught you about pain and hatred. It's merely because you have the most amazing heart anyone could ever ask for. It's because you always felt that you're just Harry, with no specialty in almost anything, while in fact you really are so much more… You have much more love than you could actually ever expect, you don't know what kind of love you feel because you just don't care to distinguish it… you just care for them, people around you… even people you don't know much about… because you just want the best for them… no matter who they're truly are, where their positions should lie on your life, you won't even ask for a slight return… and with just this…"

Her right hand was now right on his left chest, a spot where she could easily feel his heart beat steadily against her skin.

"… you can give much more to the world even without you ever realizing it, Harry… because you have the purest love of all, because you simply are just the most amazing person, with the most amazing love and heart… at least that's what an eleven year old boy saving me from Troll once told me about… and he's still here somehow… he never leaves… not one bit…"

She finished her speech, one that she said with full of her heart. And it was just then that Hermione noticed, his eyes did not go on focus anymore. Somehow, she felt that his mind was not there at all. And she did know what that was all about.

She raised her left arm slowly, bringing her fingers up to his forehead. Uncovering his ponytails, she found what she was looking for. She traced her thumb along that cursed scar, a simple lightning mark that had turned his whole life completely. She searched for his eyes once more, urging them to focus at what she was about to say. With a very soft comforting voice she said,

"… and he will never leave anyway… that boy with the most generous heart to hold will never leave… he will always be there… giving his love to the world… no matter how fierce this lightning might struck… no matter how much pain and scars he would have to endure… he'll always be there, Harry… nothing can ever take him away from the ones loving him… and he will never do a thing about harming, he will do just nothing but love… always remember that…"

It was then that he realized he could care no more for the upcoming war involving both muggles and wizards' lives. It was the moment that he could completely just careless for whatever might happen to the world. It was this very time that Harry had not realized how he could not be more hopeful about his future _for the first time_, a future where he could settle down and worry no more about threats and die, a future which he for the first time dared to dream that he could share with the young woman he was holding, a future when he could finally have what normal people have: a family; a loving one with him as the leader, the young woman before him as a bright caring wife, and children to hug when he was home after work. His eyes never left hers; his gaze holding such a great emotion she did not even dare to blink for she might just miss it.

_Is there somehow a way when I could have one bright future in this world with her?_

_You hope too much, Potter… Forget it…_

_Is it wrong though?_

_Just be rational! Don't you dare thinking about future when Voldemort is around!_

_A future is a rational thing…_

_If you were not a horcrux, yes… but with you obviously are, nope…_

_So the only certain and rational thing for happening to me in my future is just death, though?_

_That, and making sure both your best friends live_

_They have to…_

_She will need as much support as she can gather when you're finally gone, make Ron do that to her…_

_Ron…_

_Yes, Ron… whoever bloke can take care of her best other than yourself?_

When he kept silent doing just that to her, her curiosity took over her.

"Harry? Are you alright? What is it? Is it something I said or-"

But she had no chance to finish her question, for Harry had once again silenced her worry with a kiss. It was soft and sweet, not like any others they shared last night, but still holding emotion Harry never knew if there was any language could exactly describe how he was feeling. She closed her eyes at his lips' touch, clearly not expecting it but returned it nonetheless as eagerly as he was. When they broke, a deep frown had now already sat on her furrows. She knew it, she got his message.

"What is it, Harry?" her voice was only above whispering, yet still showing clearly the full concern she felt for him.

"Thank you…"

"What for? All I said was tru-"

"For choosing that day to join me and Ron in our compartment even if you were just looking for Neville's toad…"

She chuckled.

"For coming to my life, for never once giving up on me, even when I don't have enough trust in myself…"

"I will never give up on you, Harry…"

"I know… I know… I can see that… You almost make me to dare believing in having my own future, anyway…"

She smiled knowingly. The way her eyes shone differently – more warmly – comforted him more than anything else.

"You should…"

She said; her voice firm and sure.

"Am I having one?"

"Everyone's having one, Harry…"

"You know what I mean, Hermione…"

"I do… and that's why I said you have one, too… There has to be a way out for every problem, Harry…"

_Death is the only way out I can always have, though_

_It's the only way, isn't it?_

_Yes it is… or you'd just live much longer but slowly changing into him…_

_No… Never…_

"There is…"

The thickness of his voice was all she needed to know that he had doubts even in what she said. But she would not just back off. Here's the young man she had been in love for like ages, even when she had not realized what opposite-sex-woman-to-a-man love was. She was rational and she was hopeful, for what they could have in the future, when there was no evil wizard to fight. She had dreams for both of them, one night of true love and she had let herself drown in hopes and dreams. She did not think it was unhealthy at all, for it was not at all. She'd never once felt such passion like that, as if she could do just everything she needed. She felt she'd be the happiest woman ever walked on earth to finally be able to reach the love she had thought she had lost it for long time. And if she had to lose it once again, she would not let anything-anyone- yank it easily from her grip.

Her hands now cupped his face again. Taking deep breaths to calm her down, she prepared for saying what she hoped could really change his vision of future, at all.

"For once… I beg you, Harry… Just think of what you could have-can absolutely have, when this is all over. Just for once, let yourself be hopeful… I know what you must be thinking, that I'm just being irrational for something never making any sense at all but you know me… I'll never lose hope about you; I'll never lose any trust in you… Please… Just let yourself dream… for once…"

Her voice cracked no matter how struggling she was to keep it steady. The image of never being able to look into his green eyes anymore hurt her more than anything she had ever felt, including the cruciatus curse Bellatrix Lestrange did to her.

"Will you be there? When this is all over will you be there, Hermione?"

She was quiet at first, considering that he actually just voiced her thought: he'd never belong in this kind of life if she did not, if she somehow was taken, so did she.

"My fate's been linked with yours for ages now and you still ask that?"

She asked jokingly. He chuckled.

"I'm just making sure…"

She grinned. An unexpected idea to bring this conversation to popped in her mind.

"Well… what would you give me in exchange, then? When I'm _there_ of course…"

Her tone was playful and happy. It comforted his heart more than anything. It was like someone had lighted up a warm fire on his chest, making it less and less numb than before.

"You mean the first I would do to you when this is all over and we make it?"

He confirmed. It was not as if he was clueless at all, he _knew_ just what he would do. He had never been that sure in his entire life, but he was _scared_ to confront it to her. He was not sure how she'd react. However, seriously? He got no answer for her except _this one_.

"Yess… when this is all over and we make it… what would you first want to do?"

"Well…" he began, gesturing as if he was thinking hard. A false frown was on his forehead when his eyes looked up to the air.

"I think I'd try so hard not to faint first… I mean it obviously would be just bloody exhausting and I might got a couple of bruises and wounds here and there, maybe even landed up on hospital wing or St. Mungo's for all I could guess and I'm gonna try so hard to stay awake so I could just _do_ whatever I wished I could do to you…"

A huge curiosity was drawn clearly all over her face.

"Which is… what?"

He just smiled. Several seconds passed and he still smiled, looking directly into her eyes. Unlike anytime they usually did, he knew she would never catch his message through it this time.

"What? What is it Harry?"

"You're sure you wanna hear it now?"

A silly yet Hermione would call wicked grin was on his lips.

"Alright, you're starting to scare me, now…"

"Hmmm… I can imagine…"

"Harry what is it? It's not funny you know how much I hate not to know?"

His grin grew wider.

"I have to answer this question honestly, right?"

"Of course!"

"And if I really do, you're not gonna laugh at me?"

Her frowning grew deeper, but the amusement expression was not yet wiped out entirely from her face. She might be able to guess several things, but honestly? She was not sure at all!

"I'm waiting…" he announced.

"Alright," she said with a dramatic sigh.

"I'm not gonna laugh…"

"You promise?"

"I do…"

"Alright then…"

When he kept smiling like before, she seriously started to worry.

"Well, what is it? Am I supposed to read your eyes or what?" she asked desperately.

"Close your eyes," Harry said softly.

"What for?" Hermione demanded.

"Just close your eyes… I'm not gonna throw you to the sea if that's what worried you the most…"

He answered cheerfully. She eyed him suspiciously but eventually gave up nonetheless.

"Alright, I'm closing them now…"

"Tightly…"

"Uh uh"

He let go of her, preparing something he'd wear on her. Seconds passed and she still did not find out what he was really up to.

"Well…? Now what?"

"Hold out your hands," he instructed.

"What? What for?"

"Just do it. Extend your arms…"

She really was about to run out of patience.

"Well…?" he was waiting

She sighed dramatically before following his order once more.

"Hold out my hands, extend my arms, eyes tightly closed"

"Good girl" he responded with a slight chuckle.

"What are you exactly doing?"

Her voice indicated that her question demanded an answer, a clear one.

"You'll find out soon enough"

So she waited patiently. When a minute has passed and she was about to open her mouth asking him again, he told her he was done.

"Alright, you can open your eyes now…"

The way his voice suddenly sounded made her wonder more about what he had just done. She was only asking what he was going to do first thing first to her, yet he made it feel as if he was about to give the most important answer in whole of his life, which was exactly true.

Her eyes opened completely; his face was the first thing to ever focus on her eyes. But she did not find the answer of her question there. He looked back at her; his eyes holding such an emotion she had never seen one there. She paid attention more to it, to the surrounding air or the sand where he might have written something about his answer which really felt so unnecessary to do for he could just simply say it out loud.

When she found none and his eyes still stared back at her, she really ran out of patience.

"Well, as much as I hate to acknowledge this, Harry… Honestly? I really am-"

She stopped dead on her track.

_Oh no _she thought.

She saw what his answer was.

She gulped. Her eyes widened at her realization. Her expression was hard to tell between surprised and shocked.

It was right there, sitting innocently just on finger of her left hand, staring back at her. Her heart felt like suddenly stopping. Her whole world seemed to stop. She gasped at it. A beautiful sweet lovely grass with a small flower was circled on her finger. Someone – Harry- had managed to shape it like a ring encircling her finger, only it really was meant to be just like a ring. The single tiny flower of the ring sat on top, facing her straightly.

"Well…?"

She was quiet, still staring at her 'ring'.

"I know… it could be a really bad idea, right? I think you asked me what I wish I would be able to do if I lived enough over this war?"

He stopped. He gulped. He clenched his fists.

"… which is really slightly… chance for me to really live afterwards, but I guess… I guess I should have just given you the honest answer, right? Well… I know you're supposed to be a Weasley, later… and me either… we're supposed to be just like family because we'll marry Ron and Ginny but… but… even if it's 'supposed to', I won't be able to betray my own heart, and I know I've said it like a hundred times, but hell I'd say it for million times if it would be able to bring me to my wish… I love you… Hermione… I really do…" he said.

When she still gasped at her finger, he continued,

"You don't need to answer, you know? I'm not asking you for a response because I just think that you deserve to know what I wish I could do in after-war time if only I'd be lucky enough to live… when we both know how the chance of which is really like…" his voice faded bitterly.

"You think it's supposed to be an Honor for you to accept it, or whatever but the truth is… I feel so honored just to be able to tell you this, Hermione… I don't care if there will be another man filling your finger with another ring in another time in future, whoever the bloke is, just make sure he knows who he's proposing… make sure he knows you're my best friend, and I'd do whatever it takes to hex him to the next galaxy if he dared to hurt you… including rising from my grave if I need to…" he tried to sound cheerfully and light, but he knew he failed. The smile plastered on his lips didn't quite reach his eyes, the bright he tried to show through his emerald eyes ironically looked dark, and Hermione just knew that he had once again shattered his heart into pieces just by doing this and saying all those things. There would never be such an honest revelation she could ever hear in her whole life, for what she just had was the purest form of all.

She tried to hold back a sob, she tried to be strong for a tiny voice behind her head kept telling her that he would not make it, she struggled to blink the coming tears away. Harry had struggled to look strong just to be able to tell her those precious lines. He needed her to be strong- them to be tough, for he could easily be more ruined than he was if she really gave up and cried in front of him. Whatever chance he got to be able to live after this all, she knew she must not give away this very moment, for it could be the most important one in their lives – in her life.

And so she did just that: she smiled at his words; she smiled at him sincerely. Taking a deep breath to calm her down, she said in a very cheerful yet holding-so-much-pain sound, "There is no man in the whole world proposing a woman by talking about his death, silly… even in the most angst romance storied I've ever read…"

He laughed at her words.

"I'm serious! Honestly, what would my Dad ever say if he found out his daughter's marrying a man who proposed her by talking about his death?" she warned his dangerously yet playfully.

His laugh got harder. She had no choice but to join him.

"I know… I'm pathetic, aren't I?"

"Very much yes, since I don't know yet what word could be worse than pathetic to describe you right now…"

They laughed together at their words. Tears began pooling on their eyes; no one could ever tell if it was because their laughs or their emotion held back for so long. When their laughter finally subsided, she dared herself to say it to him.

"Do it, Harry… Do it properly…"

"What?" he asked dumbly.

Whether he really didn't hear what she said or he considered it was too unbelievable to hear.

"You hear me right, Harry… do it… properly… now…"

Her voice demanded and firm.

He gasped at her, unable to proceed what she really was up to. She knew he couldn't do it, right? They both knew they couldn't do it. He stared into her eyes, giving her that look mix his entire emotion running behind his skull. When she looked back at her with the firmest gazed she could muster, he gave up.

"Hermione…," he began.

"No, Harry… No…," she shook her head. "Don't you dare giving me that look again, don't you dare giving me that bloody answer again, I'm not accepting 'no' you hear me," her voice cracked. Slowly but sure she knew that the storm inside her chest would eventually come. She just wanted to hold it back as long as she could.

He looked more torn than before at her words; his chest rising up and down heavily, his eyes were closed for a while, his hands were clutched into fists; he gulped. Somehow, she could tell that he was having such an intense debate with his own mind. But she would never back off from this just because of this; Hermione Granger was not in any good mood accepting the answer 'no' from Harry Potter.

_She asks you, Potter…_

_I can't… Hermione… she knows we can't…_

_Bus she asks you anyway, she is not accepting 'no'_

_But… how could she?_

_You've given her hopes, don't you dare tossing it all away so suddenly from her_

He shut his eyes. The moment could not be right. She was technically asking him to propose her!

"Hermione, look-"

"No, Harry… No, I don't want to look-"

"Just listen-"

"I don't want to bloody listen!"

"We can't… No, we can't, Hermione… you know that…"

His tone contained his own sorrow, but it was an undeniable fact and somehow he needed to shave it down her healthy mind.

She snorted.

"Really? Yes, I think you're right… I should have known too, that this whole thing you did just meant a joke, nothing more than that… so silly of me…" she said grabbing her finger. She wanted so bad to rip her 'ring' apart in front of him so he could feel the pain she was now feeling inside. But her healthy mind and heart just knew how much it pain it would cause him and somehow she just hated the idea that she did that to him.

"I never meant it to be a joke," his voice surprised her; his tone showed a plain hurt.

"You needn't to be that nice Harry, I know… Have no guilty about it, you're not the one to blame after all… I was just too high in my imagination…"

"No you were not!" his voice shrieked. She tensed up.

"I'm…. I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… I mean what I did, Hermione… please… it was not a joke at all you know that…," a desperation was evident on his words.

The pain was everywhere now, for every limb of his had now felt as if it was on fire.

_Which it is…_

He blinked several times; he was not interested at all to whatever the hotness was about in his eyes. It was more than enough for him. He hated himself already just because he was too weak for a matter like this. He must not cry anymore by now, or he would never want to forgive himself anymore; feeling just too disgusted with every precious second he had all left in his life. He clutched his hands desperately, for he could just suddenly rub it all over his chest to ease the pain killing him inside; just like when he was a kid and Dudley punched him till he couldn't breathe, somehow stroking his wound would lessen his suffering a bit.

He took two steps forward, closing any gap between their feet, and bringing both his hands above, cupping her face. He knew it might be his last day on earth, he realized that he would have to say farewell soon enough to her. But Harry would not want to be remembered about his tears and sadness, especially by the girl before him, for whom he was dying to hold and never let go. If he had to say something as a real farewell to her, and it would be the last thing he would ever be able to do to her, he would not dare to toss the chance away just by making their hearts bleed for more.

"Look…," he began.

" I'd give everything I have… You know I'd give everything I have… just to… to… to do this," he gestured towards her finger.

"…and I'd do it once I'm out from St. Mungo's; hell I think once I'm awake from whatever wounds the war caused me… I'm doing it… I'd try my best not to faint…"

"H-How?" her voice completely cracked, but her last sanity kept her from breaking just now, she would not forgive herself if she let it all out now.

He smiled gently, putting a strand of her hair behind her earlobe. He loved her so much that for once he secretly wished he would not be able to feel anything, for it was too much for him to endure.

"Well…" he began.

"You know how bad I really am at words… so, I guess… I'm warning you now that it won't be as nearly romantic as you'd ever imagine would happen to your life."

She chuckled through her tears.

"I can just imagine, now…" she said mockingly.

"Yeah…" he grinned.

"I think I'm gonna be a huge coward about it… I mean I know how you feel towards me, I know that you love me, as much as I do, but since I've never been good with any romantic lines… I guess at that time… I'm just gonna be bringing it everywhere I go… the ring… I can just die from heart attack the second you're finding out what I'm planning to do and I just can imagine how ridiculous it would be…"

She laughed at his words.

"So, you're bringing it everywhere?"

"Yep, everywhere… Including rest room, toilet, bathtub, work, pool everywhere …"

Her laugh got harder.

"… til some day, I think… I think we're just on natural yet beautiful day outside… we're having comfortable weekend, just the two of us… it could be anywhere really… we might be watching muggle movies, having a picnic and a real nice conversation outside, or whatever…"

She looked expectantly to him.

"…and then?" she asked.

"…and then I might dare myself to say it… but you know how coward I can be at things like this, I can be so irrational, I might even feel so bloody afraid if the ring was not the right size for you…. So… so I guess… we might… feel tired after those activities, and you fall asleep… And I don't because… I feel so nervous just to think about doing it, so… so I'll take your hand quietly, and slip the ring on your finger slowly… And you will even still sleep… and I'll just watch it, think repeatedly, prepared myself if you say no… "

She chuckled.

He joined.

"… but then you suddenly wake up… and you can just imagine how my face would all be like… I can even have a straight heart attack by then… but it's too late and I can't put the ring off your finger without you notice obviously, so… so that's just it… You'll gasp just like how you did moments ago… And I might babble like an idiot to try to explain the stupid thing I do, the way I do it, but… but I think you'll eventually understand… because your face softens… you get calmed… and… that's it… that's all I know, that's all I can figure out… I don't know what your answer will be like, and I'm not asking to hear it…"

He finished. Her hands were still safe in his and he did not feel like letting them go, because this might really be the very last time he'd be able to do so, because to just picture them in another man's hurt him more than anything… How he wished to be able just to save those delicate hands in his… just for him… and him alone…

"I'll obviously say yes, you silly! When are you going to get it into your head? I'd say 'yes' a million times if you asked me for a million times right away, Harry!"

And those words were more than enough to make him feel as if he had gotten a stroke. An invisible train had come to him and hit him squarely, taking his whole body with it and throwing him to the air. He leapt into it just like a free happy bird floating around the sky with his wings opened widely.

_She said yes…_

_She said yes, Potter…_

_I haven't even asked her…!_

_And she has stated she would be willing to be your wife…_

_My wife? As in… my 'bloody' wife?_

_Your wife… as in you bloody wife!_

"Wh-what…? But… but…"

"No buts, Harry! I've said my answer…"

"I… I don't… Hermione…"

Her grin got wider as she watched color drain from his face for shock, and noticed how he began babbling cutely…

_He was speechless…_

"You don't what? You don't want to marry me?"

"WHAT? NO, NO! OF COURSE NOT! THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A CRAZY DECISION! I MEAN… Yes I mean… Well… I don't know… Are you really aware of what you're just saying?"

She chuckled more, unable to calm herself watching him like that.

"I'm not sure… I'm positive… I am certain… So now what? We're marrying in a church like my imagination when I was a kid or what?"

His grin got so wide he did not care at all if he looked completely just like an idiot.

"Wherever you want, Miss Granger," he said before capturing her lips and silenced her laugh. Her hands which were on his chest found his collar; pulling him even much closer for deepening their kiss. After several seconds they broke; each with a silly grin plastered on their faces.

"I don't think I will last any longer with that last name now, won't I?"

She grinned innocently.

When he was frowning at her question, she added, "How does Hermione _Potter _actually sound like, huh?"

And it was then that she realized she had just said something warming his heart most, for his emerald eyes suddenly softened, his fingers on her waist got tighter, his breath seemed to lessen, and he was staring right into her soul. He got silent for a moment, making Hermione think he might not feel it was not the right thing she should have said.

And when she was just about to open her mouth again, he suddenly said in a very heartwarming voice, "It sounds beautiful… It really sounds beautiful, Hermione…-" he hesitated, but continued "…_Potter"._

She stood on her tip toe to reach his lips and kissed him again passionately for words failed to describe just how much she loved this boy she had been following and staying by his side for seven years. She would absolutely trade anything she had just to be with him, just to be able to have that particular last name. Her heart suddenly jolted in fear when she heard her own voice speaking inside her head.

_But he's dying, Granger… You bloody know that!_

_He's not! And He's gonna make it, we're gonna make it…_

_You're being delusional…_

_I bloody am not…_

_Yet you know he's a horcrux, he can become the next dark lord, he had piece of his sould inside him…_

She deepened their kiss and moved her hands up to the back of his neck, pulling him closer to her as if she knew he would just vanish if she did not tighten her grip on him. He kissed her back with as much passion as he could encounter, putting all his thoughts behind and just did what his heart told him to do.

When they broke for oxygen, she leaned her forehead to his, clearly wanting no space between them to be separated. She even dig her nails deeply into his shirt, stating silently that she did not want him to pull away from her.

Calming her racing heart down for letting herself drown in things said by her mind about the boy she was holding, she looked up at him with expectant eyes, she would never let those bloody thought consume her again, at least not now.

"… '_then I declare you bonded for life… as husband and wife…'," _she said in a low voice, mimicking the wizard's they said at Bill and Fleur's wedding.

"… that's what the old wizard in front of the couple's supposed to say, right?" she added with a frown,

He laughed sincerely at her words. His emerald eyes shone brightly with a pure happiness she dared to say because of what she earlier said.

"We haven't even said _I do's, _you know?"

"Because we bloody needn't to! Honestly! They have arranged their marriage to be so perfect with perfect details and the priest still has to ask them if they're willing to marry?"

They both burst into a fit of laughter. And for the first time that day, their hearts joined to laugh together. The idea of them being married now seemed so real, even if that only meant by the simple grass-made-ring sitting on Hermione's finger innocently. And for the first time in his seventeen year life, Harry Potter stood so sure to hope for his future.

He dared to hope for proposing her.

He dared to hope for marrying her.

He dared to hope to look at her walking down the aisle towards him.

He dared to hope to build a house for them to live in.

He dared to hope to be able to see her first thing in the morning and last thing before sleeping.

He dared to hope to have his kids with her.

_My kids… Our kids…_

As if sensing his thought correctly, Hermione said it out loud that could not possibly make it any more real for him…

"…and then we'll have our own family… just like what you've always wanted all this time… with children…"

Her voice so soft yet assuring at the same time.

"You wanna have children?"

He blurted out right away, in a very surprised voice that made her laugh once again.

"Of course you silly boy! Whatever is marriage for? We'll settle down anyway… away from this… away from war… from anything possible to hurt us… "

More hopes quickly grew in his heart for hearing the things this girl said to him. If he had to produce patronus now, he was sure no dementor on earth could even be in a 1000 meter radius around him, for his chest was filled with hopes, dreams, and happiness he was sure he had never felt before.

"… then we'll have children… our very own children… some stubborn boys having brilliant green eyes and courage-"

"-or some bossy girls running around the house calling me 'Dad' and ask me relentlessly to read her books…"

Their laugh got harder at their own words. At this moment, the world felt just so right for both of them. The future they were telling each other was one they should have together, for even if it was not real yet, somehow they knew they would not forget this silly yet comforting conversation in their old days, if they had one of course.

When their laughter subsided, he looked at her seriously; his smile was not faded completely, but his eyes held the typical emotion she had known for so long.

"I will never forget this conversation, Hermione… I won't… Thanks… for everything…"

She looked back at him; her frown stated the confusion she found about his words.

"Because this is not only conversation, Harry… Because this is all just what will happen… You're gonna make it… We're gonna make it… I have no doubt about it… Just promise me one thing, will you?"

"What?"

She took a deep breath to calm her down. With one hand gripping his shirt on his chest tightly, she said firmly,

"Whatever happens after this… Whatever bloody things happen after this… Just never ever… give up your hope about us, okay? We'll find a way… I'm sure of it… we'll find a way…"

His eyes softened at her words.

"You mean anything relating to bossy little girl with my eyes and some stubborn dark-haired boy with your eyes running around the house? I _swear_ I won't…"

She smiled widely at his words before raising her feet to kiss him again; her eyes closed as their lips touched, throwing away any voice telling her she would lose him; that this would be their last kiss, and this was all just a sweet memory in her own future.

As they broke apart, she said genuinely to him,

"And don't forget that either, Mr. Potter…"

"Certainly ma'am, I bloody won't…"

And with that she threw herself to his body, enveloping him as tightly as she could, feeling his warm once again and just kept in mind how good and comforting it really was… how safe it was when those strong arms were around her… imagining that it was her own husband…

A smile appeared together with her glistening eyes when he – as if sensing her mind – just kissed the top of her head repeatedly and stroke her back.

Unexpectedly, it hurt her more to realize that he loved her so much that it could make him dare to hope about his future. It ironically stabbed her cruelly to know just how much he must have loved her, yet being unable to keep getting close to her.

She snuggled closer to him, hoping to will the pain away, for she just wanted to feel nothing but his love. And so she closed her eyes against his chest, soothing herself down from any disturbing voice inside her head that could ruin her moment with him.

Both were oblivious with the fact that she was not actually with herself, and they were not really on their own. Both were oblivious to the cold blue eyes looking at them from distance with anger and hatred…

**A/N Tell me what you think, will you? any review and critic will be appreciated. And I'm so sorry for grammatical errors! I haven't found out any beta reader yet for my college's just crazy yet I do want to finish this story… thanks for reading!**


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